3 dates. Kissed her on third. She enjoyed it. But now seems distant why?

I know people say kiss on the 1st date but I always wait till the second. Was gutted though after the second date I never went through with it. By the 3rd date told myself it's now or never.

We watched films all day at her house. There is very little eye contact so I planted a seed asking her to remind me later on that I have a surprise for her. As I'm leaving she reminds me and I say close your eyes and hold out your hands. I take her hands and kiss her. She seemed genuinely relieved that I finally kissed her (as cheesy as it was). She re initiated the kissing and we made out for a bit.

I guess it took me so long to kiss her becuase she doesn't drink alcohol so I was a little nervous with us both being sober.

It's just now when she texts she seems really distant. and cold. How would you proceed with this? I don't want to loose this one. We planned to go on another date next week but I have a strange feeling she's going to flake.

She has told me each time we've met some personal things that I doubt she would tell just anyone so there must be something there plus why agree to meet 3 times. If I meet someone once and there is no chemistry I know straight away and leave it. Definitely by the second date. But we've hung out 3 times now.

Any advice on my situation and how to proceed? Much appreciated, Thanks.


Most Helpful Guy

  • -- We watched films all day at her house. --

    this is the key sentence in your post. and a BIG, BIG mistake, buddy. don't do that. it's boring. you don't want your date to last a lot more than an hour. later, when it comes to 8,9,10th date, then you can go to like 2 hours, but never over that. you don't want her to get bored. you want her wanting more. that's what's important.

    and don't tell me that if you watch films all day that that's not boring. maybe movies are not boring, but you are. you don't represent any excitement to her. what you want is her talking to you and laughing at your jokes. what's what you want. you don't want her to stare at tv. she doesn't need you for that. so stop doing that.

    now listen carefully about the next date;

    next date shouldn't last more than one hour, max hour and a half. is that clear? you need to leave her dying to want more. and do something FUN! go out! again, you need to be exciting.

    and here's the important part - one of the reasons she's so distant could be that she's scared a bit what will happen next. maybe she want to back off a bit. she want's to chill things down. she wants to go slow. so I would recommend you that you play her game if you don't wanna loose her. don't try to touch her. don't be too into face. and please, don't try to kiss her before your date is over. when it's over, after an hour or hour an a half, THEN go in for the kiss.

    this anonymous chick above me wrote you should call her. no. don't do that. again - you need to play it slow, buddy. ON ALL COUNTS! cut back this texting stuff. a text a day is too much, and cut back discussions over the phone too. until she's not your serious girlfriend you should communicate mainly on dates so you get the real feedback (body language). you can't get that over the phone.

    you should actually call her only to set the date, nothing else. and again cut the texting to a minimum.

    remember, less is more, slowly is gold.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Well when did this third date happen? yesterday? a week ago? how long has it been since you been on another date OR Talked about another date?

    she might be cold/distant because she's waiting for you to ask her out again or something

    or she could be dealing with something(work or school or family)

    try to bring up something like an inside joke or something funny that happened with you guys and see if she reacts the same.

    Call her on the phone. Talk with her and you can 'feel' and hear if she really is being distant or she's just texting different, Cause texts do get boring after a while.

    • The 3rd date was last Thursday so not that long ago. We roughly scheduled a 4th for Monday. I said I'd let her know tomorrow so may call instead of text, thanks.

      All of her teasing has gone from her texts and they now seem straight to the point. Thier still pretty lengthy and she still asks questions just seems cold.

What Guys Said 1

  • Hey just seeing how all this went? Did giving her space and slowing down the contact work in the end and she came back to you and was less distant? I have a similar situation and slowing it down. Thanks Eddy