How often should you text/talk to someone you are dating?

I hate talking on the phone, always have. I prefer to text. Even with texting, I dislike having long drawn out conversations if the topic isn't really important. I'm dating really cool woman now, I definitely like her but I'll still only text maybe twice aweek, usually go out and do something once a week. I think that's fine, but in the past girls have sometimes said that they would have liked to talk more . They said I seemed a little distant, and were even uneasy about where they stood with me (not in relationship status) but how much I was into them. So my questio to the ladies is: what's the minimum contact you would desire to have with a guy you are dating but isn't your boyfriend?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Basically your a typical guy man. I'm the same way. Hate talking on the phone, Hate texting. Completely impersonal, and it just takes away from time I should be using to do something productive. I don't feel the need to give a girl a play by play of my life via text, just so she feels like I'm involved. When we get together in person, I'm more than happy to tell you what my day was like, but not over text.

    Girls just don't get this because women bond through communication. There are literally chemicals released in the brain of a women when she has deep communication with someone, which causes her to feel a sense of attachment. The male equivalent is close physical proximity or touch.

    This is one of those areas where both genders need to realize that they are born different, and as a result need to compromise. Instead, as typically the case, the women wins the game of chicken and guilts you into doing things her way. In this case, making you text/call her often enough, even if your rather not to.

    I actually broke up with a girl for this very reason. She wanted constant contact, but I just didn't have anything important to say. It also doesn't help I have an intellectual like personality so I prefer intellectual conversations or small talk. All the more reason I don't like texting. This girl would complain every other day that I didn't care about her because I wasn't texting her enough. "ARE YOU SERIOUS!".

    Girls do us all a favor and stop gauging your relationships health by using your phone. I hate to break it to you but that fancy smart phone does not have app for that. The real indicator should be how much time he wants to spend with you.

    It depends on the people and their schedules but I would say most women require you to contact them at least once a day, which in my opinion is a bit much. If we're both busy and not going to see each other, and we also don't have anything important that needs discussion. Then I don't see the need to check in with each other. We'll just talk the next time we see each other, which will likely be in a day or two. So average once a day, but you could probably get away with 4-5x a week if she's a bit more understand and she's a busy person.

    • Great comment. I'm the same way. Definately more of an intellectual. When I text or call a girl it's for a reason. I hate small talk or when I get texts about nothing particular. I like the idea of compromise, I can go outside of muncomfortnzone with it. But I think talking in the phone twice a day in addition to texting is over the top.

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    • Reading your comment has really open my eyes to a different perspective. I would feel the same way that if a guy doesn't text me a lot then I'm not on his mind. But now I'm starting to see that it's ok to go a day or two with out hearing from him. You're right it's about how much time he spends with you and that he makes a effort to contact you. It may not be 5 times a day but as long as he contacts you frequently and spends quality time with you then that's all that matters. I also think its interesting that you basically said men bond through touch? So a man would rather touch you to show you that he cares and misses you than to talk? I know not all the time but are you saying most of the time it is this way? And also when you say touch, do you mean sexual touching that leads to sex or just cuddling? lol Sorry, I just get fascinated with certain topics =)

    • Yes carmelc003, endorphines released in males during physical touch and proximity. In women the same reaction occurs during deep conversation. I'm not saying that men don't enjoy deep conversations and women don't enjoy touch. But those things fill a special need for both genders to feel close and intimate towards there partner. Aka an emotional attachment. For guys this includes all levels of touch, from hand holding, to sex, and everything else inbetween. This is why guys who are crushing on a girl will subconsciously always try and be near the girl (same room, sitting next to her, standing near her, etc.). I think you have the idea. It's just a different way of communicating. Neither gender is wrong, but given that both genders need to learn to compromise and be understanding of the others needs. Finally, I just think as an adult, you have better things to be doing that texting all day, and you really get busy. You need to be able to go a few days without contact from your SO.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • This is just me personally because I've encountered this problem before, I would not be OK with twice a week contact unless I planned on keeping the guy in the "casually dating" category. That's fine for someone to go out and play with once in a while, but it wouldn't be enough for me to consider a real relationship, feel comfortable with where I stood, etc. I understand that you're not in a relationship with these girls so you're within your right to play it however you want, but I like consistent contact and it would be something that would keep me from getting more serious with a guy.

    I actually had an experience with a guy like this once and I just assumed from his minimal contact that he wasn't very interested, or was seeing other girls. The lack of contact that I needed also kept me from developing strong/more serious feelings as well. When I got into a relationship with someone else, he was really mad at me and said that he had liked me a lot and planned on inviting me to his military ball in a few weeks. I was speechless because I had no clue, I just figured we were casually having fun hanging out every once in a while.

    So I guess that was my long drawn out way of saying, for me to feel comfortable and consider a relationship with a guy, I need contact on most days, even if it's just "hello."

    • Really? Like every day? I thought that I make plans to hang out at least once a week would show that I like her. I wouldn't go like 10 days without talking to her. I ve only known her for about a month month and a half. So it's still really early. But I figured I should ask some women, since I've seen some girls on here kind of freak out if they feel like a guy they like doesn't contact them enough. Thanks for answering.

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    • It's also possible you just need a girl that doesn't want to talk to you as much. Judging by the responses you've gotten from most women though (and why you asked the question) it might help to step it up a notch so that you're not pushing them all away.

    • Yeah I was thinking that.

  • texting once a day. I mean its nice o know we are thought of.

    if he doesn't text me or contact me in two weeks that's my interpretation of a silent "fk you"

    you can build a relationship on talking. girls love it when guys pay attention to detail and you can learn little things through the phone

    • Thanks for commenting. I'm glad I found this site because I would have continued to think that contact twice a week cool lol

    • girls love when you do big surprises but what really snags her is when you show up with little things. Her favorite fruits, juice, or something you saw that reminds you of her or of a conversation you two had. It's a bit tedious but I'm sure the girl will mirror your sweet actions.

  • If he's not talking to me at least a few times a week, I would feel like he wasn't very interested.

    • Yeah I agree. I'll check in with texts one or two days a week. We'll make plans to do something later in the week. That's like 3 days right there.

  • I would think once a day is OK as long as she is not the one initiating all the contact. Do you like the girl you are dating or is it really just a sexual relationship for you? I would think if you are truly interested in her (for more then sex) then you would want to hear from her daily.

    • Thanks for answering. We just started dating like 5 weeks ago. I have weird hours, I'll work 9-5p then I paint in the evenings, and recording on weekends. So it's not like I'm dating 10 others. At least with painting it's a very personal process. I need solitude for that. So I'm in a certain mental space where I don't really wanna talk. But it's not because I see her as an object. I'm just not the type to smother a girl, because I don't like that. She has her own life too. Maybe middle ground?

What Guys Said 2

  • At least 3-4 times weekly.

    • That's more along the line of what I was thinking, but the ladies seem to think its not enough.

    • yeah some women think that isn't enough.

  • when they love you they can never get enough of you