How do you tell the difference between busy and not interested?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy in January and we hung out for a couple months, but in the past month or so, we've grown apart. After trying, and not being able to find time to spend together due to his busy schedule, I stopped texting him and just let it be. Last week he texted me to tell me he was going to be in my neighborhood a lot more for work (we don't live close to each other). We made tentative plans for dinner twice but both times he was unable to make it due to working late. Both times he let me know, apologized and asked if we could "try for next week."

Can he really be that busy, or is he just not that interested in me anymore? And if he's just not that interested, why is he bothering to apologize and why is he trying to keep the door open for next time?

Right now I don't really have a lot invested in him, but if we start hanging out again, I know I'm going to start liking him again. I can work with busy, but I don't want to start falling for a guy that's not really interested in me.

[Darkfairie17]

I think you need to meet with him. The next time you do, lay your concerns on the table. If this guy is truly interested in you, he's going to start making time.

I know how frustrating this can be. I've been with busy guys and I am myself busy, so I know how hard and trying to make a relationship work (or even just try to get to know each other) when you are both busy.

I think he is interested, otherwise he wouldn't leave the door open. He would make his excuse and then never contact you again. That's usually how it goes.

I think you should give him another chance. At least he has some legitimate reasons for bailing. And he also makes sure to let you know.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I will certainly give him another chance, but only if he initiates it. It is very frustrating because my time is limited too, so I feel like there s such a small amount of time that it we could hang out.I think what might make it the most frustrating is that he is in the military, so I can't say too much about him working late because it may not be his choice. On the other hand, I;m nit going to wait and hope for something that just keeps getting postponed.

[QueenBeatris]

hard to read but in my opinion nobody is ever too busy for the one they want to spend time with,nobody works 24/7 we all have some play time

[Anonymous]

As much as I'd like to say that everybody has play time and is available for date at some point, people your age generally are super busy and I'm only 21 and have had the same experience. I was trying to go out with this chick who showed interest in me and not only did school take the energy out of me I developed sleep apnea and combined with her schedule and me sleeping all the time it couldn't happen. So really I'm surprised you're still interested, and I'd say he is really busy, but next time you go on a date, go out of your way to be happy to see him and enjoy the hell out of your date, and he'll see that and you'll get closer fast.

[Asker]

Thanks! I'll try to do that!

[Anonymous]

I would say he is interested. He wouldn't have initiated the text just to cancel twice. Also he apologized and offered to reschedule. Just give it some time

[expos]

Look, if someone is interested in you, there won't be any questions like this. They will find time to be with you.

[Asker]

Yes, I agree with you, which is why I stopped initiating a few weeks ago and just let it be. He is in the military, so to a certain extent I have to respect that he doesn't have a lot of choice in the matter and it's not always as simple as finding time.

[serp777]

Well he has to eat obviously so he can't be that busy. he might just be playing games with you.

[Asker]

I don't think he is playing games just from knowing him. And yes, people do need to eat and that is generally when I hang out with him. But lately he has been doing the P90X diet/nutritional supplements and I have no desire to keep my meals that scheduled and limited :)

[DecadenceOfOrpheus]

Busy - Has a chance in the future

Not Interested - Never

[Anonymous]

He's busy and is interested in you.

Well if you want to find something serious fast, then you should find a new guy.

[Anonymous]

It's a little of both.