Is "shoot me a text sometime" code from a guy not to text him...mind you it's now summer and we won't see each until fall since we are home for college break.
See here is the thing...we basically are FWB right now. It's already been over a month and he hasn't texted me. I still really like him but don't want to appear desperate or needy. We aren't serious and it's not like we can see each other any time soon. I mean I took it as text me sometime too but everyone of my friends I ask says not to text him and to leave it be. I feel like if I don't text him he may think I moved on or if I do he may just think I'm weird for randomly texting him. So lost!
Also how long should I really wait before texting him. "Sometime" is pretty vague and why can't he just be the one shooting me a text? Don't guys know perusing should be their job...
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There we go. So at least we managed to get the REAL issue out of you before 6 hours passed, but let's look at it anew.
First, your friends are saying to let it be, why? Not that I disagree, but I'm curious as to their reasoning. The man has offered you an invitation, you are being told not to take it, but you are conflicted internally by the proposition based on your own emotions.
So why do the friends say "No"?
I think they say no because this is our " second time around fling" . first semester I thought he wanted a relationship and didn't so things fizzled. Spring semester we started " seeing each other" and I got a lot of answers from him. I'm fine with being " just friends"aka FWB for now but I think my friends say no because they think I deserve better. I really like this guy though. The problem is I'm not sure if he likes me has much...I know he is attracted to me but I'm still confused
And the plot thickens! So what's really happening is you seem to have caught feelings for him. Your friends are aware and realize that nothing will come of it but you still pursue regardless. Hm, curious, so a lack of contact would sever the ties and possibly set you free of your "delusion" but you enjoy the "delusion" that your friends believe you suffer and wish to continue. You are not high on his priority list, you should know this, so while it is up to you and the outcome is the same ...
... it's just up to you how long you wait for the eventual outcome. I don't think, and no one else does, that he's going to ever like you on the level you like him. He's probably not thinking about whether you will text or not, and definitely not building anxiety over it, but then again I've been wrong before. Maybe he's sweating bullets! Maybe. I personally am joining your friends but only because as it stands you sound more or less in limbo rather than "happy" with the current situation.
Also it is summer so what will texting him even really do? Even if I do text him then do I have to play the waiting game for him to initiate a text conversation the next time...all questions I really answer to...
You already have reasoned out it's pointless behavior. That's because it is. Your problem has nothing to do with texting this person. It has everything to do with your internal feelings. Communication is a means of connection, you wish to connect, this isn't mutual, it causes frustration. That's why the outcome is the same no matter what.
I would have to agree. The communication thing or lack of is what is getting to me. I'm going to stay strong and not text him. I feel like I did something wrong. it is hard because now I feel like he took advantage of me. He said he wanted to take things slow and get to know me but clearly this was his way of getting me to do exactly what he wanted. In a way it was everything but slow. He just isn't thinking about my feelings and it really upsets me. Can I get closure from him or no?
Actually yes, because it's Summer, so if you send him a message saying "We're not doing this anymore and here's why" and explain without being convoluted you;re good to go. He's not going to see you for months! What is he going to do? Ironically the fact that communication is poor now works in your favor if that's your choice.
You have good advice...I was afraid no one would respond in this! See that's the thing though, I don't want it to end and maybe that's why I'm worrying about this in the first place. Even with all the anxiety whenever we do have fun and I see him it seems worth it. I don't exactly have other guys right now a and I feel comfortable with him since he is the FIRST guy ever in my life. He may not be the last but if anything I want more experience and to learn to be with a guy., why not with him?
I could text him that its not going to happen anymore but that doesn't answer any of his actions and still leaves me with questions. That isn't really what I want either. I think I finally get now why it's best to leave it alone. If I'm not a big priority in his life I need to learn not to think and worry so much about him. I mean I am in college so really anything can happen. I guess I will set him aside and if the timing is right it will work out, if not then there will hopefully be someone els
Also one last random question for you...you said you sided with my friends not to text but do you still feel him saying " shoot me a text sometime" was an invitation now that you know more, or more of a polite thing to say so he wouldn't have to do anything and to get him off the hook so to speak...why even say that?
...i hate that he would leave me hanging like that. Just saying a simple "have a good summer" would have been better.
It was invitation. You see you have a purpose, it's anti-boredom, so keeping it fresh with you just enough to ensure access to sex and perhaps someone cool to hang with is worthwhile. Basically so long as you have just enough communication to keep you wanting but also just enough to keep you at bay he's good. It's not malevolent in the sense that it's intricately planned but it does work that way. So there's a purposes even if not cunning and conscious.
Ok thanks that helps a little and oddly makes me feel better. I think maybe ill text him right before school starts or maybe the first week? I know it's bad I'm starting to get feelings for him but I also have fun & I do realize it isn't forever. I don't think I want a relationship in college either, it is a time to make friends and go out. It just is hard to know where the line is with a FWB & all of this helps. I know some may not approve of me texting him but I'm not done with him yet!
It sounds like you have a counterplan. Life is fun sometimes. Good luck.
That last comment is probably really confusing to you so I'm sorry for that Since it counteracts some of my questions.You really have helped me through all this believe it or not though. I think I just needed someone to give me a clearer perspective on the situation and to set me straight for what everything really is. Last thing I need is to get heartbroken and I feel like now my chances are less with this understanding.
Ps I agree life can be fun! Thanks again!