Would you date/marry a cigarette smoker?

[madhatters4]

Just interested in the perspective of people regarding a significant other who smokes (particularly if you are not a smoker).

So under the presumption that they have no intention on quitting soon, and smoke a moderate amount (perhaps a few a day but are not chain smokers)...

Would you consider a partner who is a smoker?

I am NOT a smoker and would date/marry a smoker

I am NOT a smoker and would NOT date/marry a smoker

I am a smoker and would date/marry a smoker

I am a smoker and would NOT date/marry a smoker

Updates

+1 y

Lets be clear. I'm not a smoker at all (well I do indulge in pot once in rare while). I just was asking the question.

Updates

+1 y

for me I wouldn't want to date a smoker, but I also would have a tough time not dating someone one if I felt a really deep connection to them. I would hope they didn't smoke around people who didn't like it and obviously not do things to myself or any potential children at risk. I also hope that they'd consider quiting or at least significantly cutting back. but if they were going to smoke privately here and there I don't think I could just turn away a great relationship because of a bad habit.

Updates

+1 y

...essentially if they were conscious of the fact that they shouldn't endanger other people's health I think I'd like to think that I would be open to a relationship with a smoker



Appreciate all the answers and perspectives. I wouldn't say there are wrong perspective aside from the violent and demeaning. As every person on this earth is worthy of love and respect regardless of how they treat their body

[Eiffelgirl21]

I don't smoke. But, I am involved in a serious relationship with a smoker.

He is very clean about his smoking and doesn't smoke in the house or in the car.

He only smokes outside. He does plan on quitting one day. But, I don't pressure him.

I hope he does quit, but that is his choice. And, I would still love him and be with him even if he didn't want to quit eventually.

I do plan on marrying him one day =)

Hope that answers your question =)

Of course, it is a slight turn off when you first meet someone. But, it is more inside that counts. You learn to love a person for all their flaws =] Ya know?

[madhatters4]

i couldn't agree more. it is dirty habit but smokers aren't necessarily dirty. it may sound paradoxic but there are responsible and irresponsible ways to practice cigarette smoking in terms their effects on others. seems like your boyfriend is in the former group... but then to be fair to others who don't see our way different people have different sensitivity levels towards smoking, the smoke and smell

[Anonymous]

I voted A.

I grew up in a house where everyone smoked, except me of course, so I'm used to being around it, although they've always gone outside to smoke. I've dated a smoker before, and he did the same thing... without my even asking him to, he respectfully went outside to smoke, rather than smoking in my house. It was never an issue.

I think it's kind of strange how much people hate it but will tolerate other things with no trouble, haha! For example, you can get slobbering drunk all over 6th street in Austin, but you'll get a ticket if you light up a cigarette. It doesn't make sense to me, haha!

[madhatters4]

"I think it's kind of strange how much people hate it but will tolerate other things with no trouble" ... I agree. I understand it's a bad habit but a lot of people have bad unhealthy habits. I have a hard time being unaccepting of a person's vice when I know I have my own

[HaggardDiva]

I like you. I men I like how you think. :) I think we think a lot a like.

[Opinion Owner]

Making it a deal breaker, calling them murderers for smoking around other people, wanting to beat smokers to death, etc. What a gross overreaction to something that doesn't always do THAT much damage, haha! A lot of smokers live to be old people with no breathing problems and no cancer, I don't know anyone except those with preexisting breathing problems that have been affected by secondhand smoke, it doesn't taste like an ashtray to kiss a smoker, etc. It's nicotine people, not heroin. Haha!

[QueenTiffanyB87]

Well if they don't plan on stopping than no I wouldn't date them. My health is very important to me and I don't want to breathe in secondhand smoke. However if the guy was willing to stop smoking then I'll give him a chance. I'd even try to help him.

[madhatters4]

picked your response because it seems closest to my own feeling. I wouldn't require that a person would quit smoking but I'd hope they'd want to or at least significantly cut back. Love seems hard to find so I'd hate to crush a potential life long relationship simply because of a bad habit (particularly if it didn't negatively affect me)

[Ineedadvice1989]

aren't people always saying "be yourself". If you marry someone (date them) shouldn't you accept them for who they are, not who you want them to be?

[madhatters4]

true but if someone is doing something unhealthy (smoking, eating, drugs, abuse, etc) there is nothing wrong with hoping to influence a change. I agree that if they have no willingness to quit you can't force them but you can certainly ask and try to help...no?

[QueenTiffanyB87]

I agree that wouldn't want to ruin a potential relationship. I guess it would depend on how the guy made me feel. But I'd still want him stop in the future, I'd hate to have a loved one die of lung cancer.

[shadowscapes]

i agree if someone is so amazing and so awesome on a much deeper level, I wouldn't reject them just because they smoked. but realize it is a difficult habit. some people may want to quit but they may be stuck with smoking for the next 20 years

[MikeK]

As a smoker myself, it would be hypocritical to deny someone who indulges in the very same habit... I never smoke indoors though, and not very often either (2-3 cigs a day)...

and I can't believe how people are so vehemently opposed to it... How smokers are dismissed as insensitive to others, etc... don't any of you remember the South Park episode with Rob Reiner?...

Neither of my parents ever smoked, but neither one of them ever complained about me smoking either - they let me live my life.

I mean - we can sit back and watch people stuff their faces with all kinds of junk food, and that never raises an eyebrow...

[islands7]

B.

I used to smoke the best cigarettes made in the world but don't have that family gene that protects against cancer & kills early (before age 60) so considering higher taxes/costs as well, quit when kids were little.

Whereas, I might stand closer to a smoker of fine tobacco today to enjoy 2nd hand fine smoke, I wouldn't date or marry one for reasons stated, as they apply to me & them.

[HaggardDiva]

I smoke. I hate that I do, because of the smell and the health factors. I wish it was as easy as non-smokers seem to think it is to quit. I smoke outside, away from my kid and other people's kids. I don't like it when people aren't respectful and keep the smoke away from kids.

The girl who is a smoker that wouldn't date or marry a smoker has me a little confused...

[madhatters4]

agree with every word you said.

[Shygirl1990Shazam]

Never no, not in a million thousand years. I don't care how attractive you are how hot sexy ripped whatever as soon as I smell it on you I'm going to lose any attraction to you I ever had.

I thought Adam Levine was very sexy until I found out he was a smoker, forget that lost all attraction.



It kills your organs and makes you ugly, and your slowly poisoning yourself.

Why do that to yourself?

You look like an attractive man from the back, but you won't be if you keep smoking and smoking very very unattractive I can't even possibly explain to anyone how nasty I think it is.

And the people who smoke in public around people are just horrible, there are children around! Not saying that is you, you said you aren't a chain smoker and I can respect that.

[madhatters4]

not a smoker just presenting a relationship question

[SpoiledJeano]

No. If I see them smoking I don't get involved. I have only kissed one smoker and it was gross. The kiss was so nasty that I couldn't kiss him again. I couldn't love or marry someone I couldn't kiss. Even when we hugged his scent displeased me :/

He was a year older and his teeth were yellow. I was interested at first because we were gonna be marines together..

[Bethany94]

I would never. I hate smoking, think it's disgusting, and not only does it smell bad but if affects my asthma. It's a pointless, expensive habit that is hard to break and can kill you easily. It would be a deal breaker. I wouldn't even consider getting into a relationship with someone who smokes.

[RedSmartie]

I already live in a place that has really bad air quality. Why would I shorten my life even more by living for several years with a person who is killing me with second hand smoke?

[madhatters4]

what if they didn't smoke around you? Like they only smoked outside or something like that

[RedSmartie]

They'd still smell like it.

[Daph81]

B. never in hell. I don't even want to be in close proximity of a smoker. I don't need anyone to slowly poison me. I want to choose my own slow death drug.

[madhatters4]

what if they never smoked around you?

[Daph81]

I still don't like the smell on their clothes, hair, and if we live together, on MY stuff, too. It physically makes me sick

[Cottoncandydreams]

*high five*

[thatguy67]

How would you feel if you walked by one and he timed it so he blew the smoke directly in your face?

[Daph81]

then he'd get a nice fart from me. Hey at least my farts won't give him lung cancer.

[madhatters4]

daph plenty of people smoke without it affecting anyone but themselves. Maybe they are slowly killing themselves but that is their choice. Other people choose slow deaths in plenty of other ways. High cholesterol is the bigger killer of Americans on an annual basis so would you condemn someone who eats tons of steak or unhealthy foods the same way you would a smoker? Driving kills thousands of people a year. Do you text and drive? Do you consider text and drivers to be f*cking ignorant?

[madhatters4]

i understand and respect your opposition to a bad habit like cigarette smoking. but I'm pretty shocked at how low you consider these people. It's not like they are rapist ruining the lives of others

[Daph81]

if they smoke in public, where people pass by and all, they ARE ruining others. They are not caring about contaminating the air other people breathe in. Do they think "other people have the right to breathe in clean air"? I bet very few of the smokers do.

I feel very strongly about smoking in public, and I have zero tolerance here.

If they smoke in private I don't give a sh*t.

I don't give a sh*t about drug users, since they're only ruining their own lives and no one else's.

[Daph81]

my point is, why should I tolerate a person who is that selfish?

I know they're humans too, but have THEY ever thought that non-smokers are humans too?

and even if I don't hate people who only smoke in private, doesn't mean I would date them. it's a deal breaker unless he really has very solid points in other aspects.

[madhatters4]

so do you drive a car? use electricity or a/c in your house? All contribute to ruining air quality... I've stated that smokers should have respect for those around them. You make an assumption that this people don't think or care about others ("I bet very few smokers do") ... I don't undersatnd why you you simply assume and a generalize that all smokers are selfish. I just don't get that anger towards people you don't even know...maybe you come into contact with a few, ok...

[madhatters4]

but lets speak in concrete terms rather than wide sweeping generalizations. As I hope societies have learned generalizations and assumptions they do nothing to forward a discussion and understanding of populations

[madhatters4]

i believe you have a good position I just want to make sure that the conversation stay civil and you lose strength of your argument when you essentially say "Do they think "other people have the right to breathe in clean air"? I bet very few of the smokers do" OR "have THEY ever thought that non-smokers are humans too?"... again your point is valid until you just lump what probably amounts to billions of people into a single "selfish" group

[Daph81]

to me, their action of smoking in public where people pass by and children run around, is a sign of selfishness and ignorance. If they're not ignorant, then they would only smoke in private or in presence of other smokers only. Say you're standing at a bus stop outside. You're just minding your own business, then people arrive and stand to your left and right and start lighting up their cigarettes. F***ing annoying. That happens to me every time I go to work. It's not like they've asked everyone

[Daph81]

at the bus stop whether it would be OK for them to smoke. They just don't care. A lot of smokers also don't even bother to blow to the direction where no one is standing.

[madhatters4]

you're right that is irresponsible. just like people who text and drive or any number of things that are fairly anti-social behaviors. My only point is you take small experiences in your life and extrapilate them into a generalization about smokers. my mom smoked for the first 15 years of my life (not while preggo or during infancy) and never once lit up around me or my siblings and would have yelled like hell at a person who did...so there are those who are conscious about their actions

[Daph81]

and no, I don't drive. I take public transportation and don't use A/C. But that's different. They kinda have to use it, otherwise it's just too hot or the public transport system is not good in the area where they live. Smoking is not a necessity. It's a stupid choice people make.

And as I've said, I don't attack people who smoke ONLY when there are no non-smokers around. Of course your mom never smoke around you. She loves you. Did your mom smoke in the presence of strangers?

[madhatters4]

a/c isn't necessity, nor are gas guzzling bohemoth SUVs...my mom only smoked around people who smoked or by herself. I'm not sure where you are from but I'm from the philly area. perhaps philly folks are a bit more progressive or socially conscious but it doesn't seem to me that the public smoking or smoking around people is as pervasive as where you are from definitely not perfect here but still. I think as with all pollution issues it is just a matter of an educated socially conscious public

[madhatters4]

and I only mention a/c, cars, etc to show that the same could be said for other facets of our society. unfortunately a lot of people don't care enough to think about the person next to them, or next to them, in a wide variety of issues...

[Daph81]

then in that case I don't have a problem with your mom or people like her.

And yes, I hate factories or businesses that pollute the air and environment too.

I hate humans, generally speaking. We are a bunch of greedy money grabbers. Of course there are a lot of good people as well, but homo sapiens as a species is horrible.

[madhatters4]

it's sad because plenty of people have truly redeeming and admirable qualities.

I don't know if the majority of people are good or most are horrible. Perhaps the optimist in me like to think that most are genuinely good but the bad people just draw a lot of attention...I don't know

[Daph81]

I tend to think that everyone has their good and bad sides. That everyone is capable of doing horrible things when pushed. It's just that money seems to be able to bring out the worst in a lot of people.

Cigarette company owners, for example, since our topic is cigarette smoking..

[Jas93]

Grew up around my grandmother, and she smoked cigarettes a lot. Like 5 packs a week. So yeah, I'm pretty much used to it and am not bother by it. I would prefer the person I date/marry to not be a smoker because of the health dangers. If he does, I really don't care, but he can't smoke in house. The smoke doesn't bother me if I'm near them while they are doing it, but I wouldn't want the smell to linger.

[Anonymous]

I am a smoker, and I would not date a smoker. It's a habit I am going to quit when I'm ready to date.

For me, smoking is almost a symbol of my bachelorhood. It relaxes me, it's solitary, it repels the women...what's not to like (psychologically, lol)?

[MikeK]

lol great answer!

[madhatters4]

what if you two decided you wanted to quit together? do you feel as though you will be able to easily quit once you're ready to date?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, the main reason I'm putting off dating is because of some personal issues and the smoking is a way to deal with those. Once they're taken care of, I will do a normal nicotine withdrawal, get the quitting over with and then start meeting people. I would not want to do the quitting process with someone

[Nightlife]

I thought it would bother me but it doesn't.

Maybe I have love blinkers on at the moment I don't know.

But I even like the smell on him. Weird. It doesn't bother me on his breath either.

He's not a chain smoker, he usually smokes at parties, or sometimes after dinner/sex

On average I'd say 2 a day

I do wish he'd stop just because I care about him and it's not good for him but he said he enjoys it at the moment and he might stop later on, if he feels the need/desire to.

[deannarose]

Personally, it'd be a deal breaker. I don't want my entire home, all my clothes and hair smelling like smoke. I'm obviously not a smoker, so I wouldn't date or marry a nonsmoker. Just my opinion.

[madhatters4]

what if they smoked outside away from you, so your house and clothes wouldn't smell?

[deannarose]

Still, it'd be a turn off.

[Bunny212]

I did in the past don't have a problem with it. Just do not smoke around me. My ex never smoked around me. When I'm in love I see past these things. I date who I am comfortable with. I don't want to or hope to forcibly change my boyfriend, change comes from within, it has to be genuine. So if he is a smoker & I don't like smokers then I shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with him in the 1st place. You have to know what is it you want & not settle for anything less.

[Cassiekiss7]

no I don't like dating smokers I tried it once and I'm not to fond of it I take good care of my health I don't smoke and I drink once in awhille but if a guy said he would quit then yes I would date him and do my best to help him therw it

[Michaelmwm19]

I can''t count the number of times iv'e know someone who has said ''I'm quitting and never do.'' Willpower they are the one who keeps picking up the habbit, and then play the ''Oh I'm addicted game!'' And never put any effort to quit.

You want to quit something bad enough, you do it.

[madhatters4]

Michael it is a physical addiction so it's not always as simple as will power. When you are talking about a physical biological addiction (like heroine or caffeine) some of the strongest minds have been unable to drop the habit (Einstein, Churchill, etc). I agree will power can be a motivating force but saying someone who doesn't quit lacks will power isn't necessarily fair

[Cassiekiss7]

yes my brother smokes an he's been smoking for years an he told me that his body is so used to it that he will like go crazy get sick to his stomach if he went like one or 2 days without one

[madhatters4]

if he has health insurance I know a lot of companies will actually pay for a very effective pill that helps. It works by affecting whatever brain synapses that trigger the need for nicotine. A guy in my office smoked for 25 years and was able to quit in a matter of months. He said it is very effective and one of the ways it works is that when you smoke (while on the meds) it actually can make you physically ill

[RedThread]

Eh probably not... I get very sick from the smell of cigarettes. I also feel like the smoke is slowly killing me and I value my life too much. If I really cared about a girl enough I would probably make an exception but I would try to get her to quit.

[Anonymous]

No way! This is because for 18 years I have had to live with my parents where my dad smoked. I asked him many, many times, very kindly if he could at least smoke on the balcony that we had! He would say yes then get too lazy to walk a few steps out there or even go out there in the cold. I have had deteriorating health ever since, asthma and have gone to school being asked if I smoke because my clothes were heavily soiled.

[Anonymous]

Maybe. But in general smokers turn me off. I could date/marry a cigarette smoker if he wasn't addicted and didn't smoke around me. it really just depends. So far, I haven't met a person who smokes that I would ever consider dating. smoking aside, they usually have other habits and lifestyle choices that I don't approve of.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm watching my dad die more and more each day. His coughing due to cigarettes have increased a lot over the past few years, and I'm very scared that he'll take his last breath soon due to his poor health (which is mainly caused by heavy smoking, he used to be a very healthy athlete). I wouldn't be able to watch my boyfriend/husband go down the same road as my father. It would be too painful.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has some type of vise so I am not going to be a hypocrite and talk about them enjoying something that is bad for them. However their are other reasons I would not consider it. I am asthmatic so cigarette smoke is very troubling to my health. I also don't want to smell bad from their cigarette smoke. The worst part is kissing a smoker is as much fun as licking an ashtray. It is just gross.

[confugirl]

No, I find the smoke to be unbearable. The smell even sticks around for a few hours. Extremely unattractive and instant deal breaker.

[madhatters4]

i agree here that the lingering stale smell is the worst part (aside from the long term health risks). I don't mind seeing people smoke or even teh smell of a burning cigarette. But the stale smell that sticks around for hours and days is pretty gross

[emzy-89]

I don't smoke and I wouldn't really like it if the person I was dating smoker, mostly because they'd be slowly killing themselves; however, if I otherwise am attracted to them it wouldn't be a deal breaker

[scottb80]

Probably not. For one thing, I have a childhood history of asthma, and while it hasn't bothered me in years, I don't know if I'd want to take a chance on long term smoke exposure causing a recurrence.

Second, I've personally known 3 people who have died young from lung cancer. After witnessing what they went through, I don't know if I'd want to go through something like that again and witness a wife dying like that.