Were girls always such cowards when dating?

[Anonymous]

I hope I'm not being sexist (probably am).

I had very little experience dating, I had a long term girlfriend till I was 28. Now I've been on the dating scene for about a year. Here's how each connections ended.

girl one - had a one night stand. In the morning, we exchanged numbers and she added me on Facebook (her idea). A week later I messaged her and she ignored me. Never spoke to me again.

girl 2 - We slept together for two months. She praised me all the time. The last time I saw her she told me how happy she was to have me. Goes away for a week. Refuses to speak to me for a month. Breaks it off over fb, then comes back into my life, I ask for my stuff back, and for her to take her clothes out of my house. She hides for another month.

girl 3 - acts all coy and cool. We sleep together for two weeks. I decide I don't want her. I tell her in person, and talk to her as long as she wants. I drive her home too.

girl 4 - internet relationship. We go out twice. She ignores me for a day, and breaks it off over text. Willing to talk about what was wrong. Classy lady.

girl 5 - internet relationship. Two dates, we sleep together on a Monday. She's busy Thursday, Friday. We arrange Saturday, she breaks plans on Saturday, and says "maybe" Sunday. I'm not totally into her, give up and break it off. Don't want to have a "maybe" date. I discuss what went wrong for about two hours with her because she's sad about what happened.

girl 6 - friend of friend. I can't figure her out. We've been on two dates. And had tame kisses afterward. Refused to talk on the phone. Texts very little. She explained on last date she's a shy girl. I'm trying to work with this one, didn't care at first, cared for a bit, but starting to lose interest. She may have decided she's not down, but still leaving me on a back burner.

girl 7 - went out to dinner, talked the whole time. She said she had a great time. She's beautiful. Personality wise, have no clear idea. I texted her and haven't back in 30 hours. I sense she's not going to write back. Really cowardly. We spent a few times talking on the phone, texting for two weeks, and met in person. The least you could do is say "I don't feel a connection with you" over text.

Anyway.

I feel like I've been totally down to break it off with a girl straight up. And rarely has a girl has even mustarded up the courage to write a simple text to me.

Is this part of the internet age? Because it's really shitty to leave someone hanging. I'm looking to meet someone. If you aren't down, say so, rather than make me think "did they get the text" or "maybe they're really busy right now".

Texting and e-mail are the most cowardly ways to break it off, and it seems like girls are even too cowardly to use that medium.

Is silence the new break up method? If so, it's really f>cked up

[lumos]

Okay, so, from what I understood about 4 girls (out of 7) ended up ignoring you or otherwise not contacting you. Correct? That's not *too* bad in my opinion, since it's barely over half of them. But anyway.

To me it just seems like you ended up picking a few bad apples that happened to ignore you. I wouldn't exactly say that ALL girls will end up ignoring you if they aren't interested, because that obviously isn't (and won't be) the case. However, yes, in some situations it's easier to let the "relationship" fade away rather than have an actual closure. I'm not saying that it's a nice thing to do, nor that it's ideal, but I kind of understand these girls. Wouldn't you have thought it was even just a tiny bit exhausting to sit down with EVERY single one of those girls, to talk about your feelings and why it isn't working out for hours upon hours? Because if you don't, well, that's great. But not everyone wants to do stuff like that, especially if you're not emotionally invested in the other person (yet).

And as other girls have pointed out, these were just dates. You weren't exclusive, and it seems like a handful of those girls only wanted to have some fun (especially the one night stand girl). Yes, it's kind of cowardly to just ignore you, but in their situation it was simply the easy way out, out of something that wasn't even a serious commitment to begin with.

In my opinion you're taking it a bit too personally. As I said before, I do think ignoring people is cowardly, and I don't think it's an ideal solution either. But this is simply the reality of dating, and what some people will do to you when they realize they aren't interested (even guys do this). Either take it for what it is, a rejection, and move on to the next girl. Or, sit there and think about why they aren't interested in you and why they aren't returning your calls/texts/emails until it makes your head hurt.

[Asker]

Ummm, you don't have to sit down for hours and hours. You send them one simple text "I don't feel a connection with you." That's all the closure you need. If a girl can spend weeks talking to you, and writing long drawn out e-mails, I'm pretty sure it's easy to write a one sentence text.

[lumos]

I know. I'm not defending them, I'm just trying to make you see it from their point of view. I also disliked guys who ended up doing this to me, until I realized what their point of view was. Instead of THEM wasting my time not being up front, I realized *I* had started wasting my own time because I couldn't stop thinking about why they haven't returned my text. So whenever someone doesn't return my texts within a couple of days, I just move on. You should too, since this sadly is (as I said) th

[lumos]

the reality of dating and some will end up ignoring you no matter what you do.

[Asker]

I guess the main lesson I learned from this is guys do this too. Not very classy. I would never.

[lumos]

I know. People have started feeling less and less responsible for their actions.

[Asker]

Thanks for empathizing with me. It's nice to see that someone understands where I'm coming from.

[lumos]

Sure. :) I've had it happen to me far too many times, both by friends (or "friends") and a few guys I had taken interest in. I know what it feels like, and it really isn't a nice feeling.

[CrazynKinky]

It's not sexes as long as you realize that guys do it to. I have a lot of friends that have had guys break things off by the silent or fizzle out. I don't understand it. I don't want to hurt someone more then I have to. If I'm done I'll tell you I'm done sometimes telling them why and be honest isn't the best thing to do but if they ask I'll give them the nice answer if they push for more I hate doing it but I'll give them the gods honest truth. I don't believe doing most things over text or email. I hate doing it with anyone so I just call. My best friend says hi and I just call em cause doing the whole text thing pisses me off

[christinalong338]

If you're not really together, you don't need to have a break up especially if you met online. It's just because it's never as intimate and you don't feel you owe that random internet profile anything if you went on a couple of dates and it didn't feel right. She just didn't make any more plans with you. If you had tried to make more plans with her, she would have had to say no.

Breaking up over text and email is shitty, but you're not in a relationship with any of these women. You're just not getting past the 2nd or 4th date. They don't owe you anything.

[Asker]

The only thing I ask is a girl to say they're not interested over text. It's so fucking easy. You spend hour long conversations with them on the phone, and take them out on a few dates. The absolute least you could do is text in your phone "thanks for the offer, but I don't feel a connection with you". One of the more recent girls and I were getting into huge e-mails and having long convos on the phone. Now, nothing. Just say "no thanks" over text. SOOO easy. It's rude otherwise.

[Lafemmedeschats]

I agree with this. Although I personally think you should tell someone "I'm not interested" if that be the case, if its not a real relationship you don't HAVE to

[Asker]

If you think you don't have to, then you are a sh*tty person. If you sleep with someone multiple times, and ignore them, you are scum, male or female. Real relationship or not.

[Anonymous]

I was going to be more detailed but decided to write just this... 2 girls liked me and decided to post their feelings on Facebook. With each of them, when I tried to ask them out they freaked out. With the first one I backed off and minded my business. She started posting how some guy was a douche bag for not trying harder, that she loved him and he didn't deserve her...Met a year later and she was desperately trying to gain my attention. I ignored her and she started posting again...

I'm OK now and I don't hold any druge but seriously it destroyed me mentally speaking. Had serious problems afterward, especially after the second one.

There was another one that was posting on Facebook "aiming" at me, but I wasn't interested in this one. Really was posting like she had a real relationship with someone though everyone knew she had no one...

It's weird that girls expect guys to do everything and also cope with their behavior, be polite, be nice, be a gentleman, show interest and also give them space, speak to them when they want and be interesting, shut up when they aren't in the mood... It's like WOW !

[Lafemmedeschats]

Those girls weren't normal

[Anonymous]

If you date with the expectation of finding a relationship, a "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" is the least they should give you.

I was gonna say that what happened to you is just a series anecdotal (bad) experiences, but seeing that most of the woman answering you are perfectly OK with what happened, I'm not sure anymore...

[MissShaniaLyn]

Im not sure maybe its just the women that you are going for? I know that I don't do that to men, I'm really good at expressing my feelings but My bestfriend isnt, so her way with dealing with her emotions is ignoring the problem which just makes it worse and makes it also have no resolution. Its probably just their way with dealing with it. I also have another friend that ignores so that theyll break up with her. But her as well isn't good at dealing with her emotions. I look at it this way; I come from a very opinionated family who you need to say what's on your mind all the time and say when something bothers you. But my friends don't have that. And I've noticed the way the peopel around them are makes them be able to express their emotions or not. My friend feels very uncomforable expressing her feelings where I enjoy letting the other person know. Hope that helped a little bit! :)

[CountryCutie1]

What this sounds like it that these girls you are choosing, are either only wanting a one night stand or a real relationship. None of the examples you listed above are really even real relationship scenarios. A lot of times what a girl stops talking or avoiding you, she really just doesn't want the confrontation of officially breaking it off or the they viewed the relationship (a.k.a hook up) not worth bringing up.

[Asker]

And I think it's fucked. I have and will always say I'm not interested in seeing someone anymore. Even if its one date or 40. I'm amazed at how cold girls can really be.

[udolipixie]

Were girls always such cowards when dating?

This is quite an illogical claim of absolute extremes one that is seemingly based solely on your experience.

Is silence the new break up method?

Egh in none of those scenarios did you guys have a relationship so I'm not seeing how a breakup was warranted (I don't consider an internet 'relationship' to be a relationship). Exactly what would they be breaking up- this nonexistent relationship?

[Asker]

Sorry for using the word "break up". I basically mean, make it clear that they don't want to continue seeing you. I think sleeping with someone three times a week for two months warrants something to be said when she gets bored of you. All this weird language about "relationships". Relationships can mean a lot of different things - friends, neighbors, serious gf's, fwb, going on dates with. The point is, just say (or text), no thanks. It doesn't leave anyone hanging. I

[udolipixie]

What you think /= what is reality tends to differ.

Unless you guys had an agreement/arrangement it's reasonable to see it as just sleeping with one another and the other party can leave at anytime without any notice.

Relationships can mean a lot of different things however it doesn't seem you established any of those interactions as a relationship. Unless you are referring to me not seeing an internet 'relationship' as a relationship.

[udolipixie]

Likely the rejected party being left hanging isn't a concern for the person rejecting them as the rejected party wasn't considered to be in a relationship with them.

[Asker]

Pretty cold to sleep with someone for two months, have them tell you all this nice stuff like "they're so happy they met you." "you don't have any flaws". They stay over at your house while your at work. On the final day of seeing them they say "I missed you penis so much, an what's attached to it, I'm so happy your back from you trip", and then walk out of your car, and refuse to speak to you ever again.

[udolipixie]

Pretty cold in some opinion. There wasn't an established relationship nor have you made any statements, suggestions, or implications of such (her saying she's happy to meet you and stuff isn't establishing relationship nor is her staying while you're at work). So to me it's not cold in the least for a gal to stop getting f*cked by some guy whenever she wants to stop.

Perhaps it's suited for you not to seemingly invest in what others say and invest more in what they do. (?)

[Asker]

I guess this is how it goes these days. Having orgasms in a girls body for two months causing bonding. It's biological. But yes, I'll be sure to steer clear of girls like you udollpixie. I think someone talking about how great it is to have you back, and how much you missed them, and then proceed to never talk to them again, is really cold. It's what Ted Bundy did to a girl before he started his killing spree.

[udolipixie]

Egh it's more of chemistry than biology and generally it's gals that form the bonds ala oytocin.

Seems more like it's suited for you to steer clear of the gals you choose and are attracted to. So rather than go on some slight towards me its more suited to reevaluate your criteria and again invest more in what people do.

[udolipixie]

Your Ted Bundy comment is a fail as he was intent on killing and used lies to do so. The gals you chose didn't seemingly lie to you to intentionally hurt you.

Nowhere do I see you stating ir suggesting they missed talking to you so for them to get f*cked by you then never talk to you again seems reasonable to me especially when no relationship is established.

They apparently missed getting f*cked by you not talking to you and likely they found a guy who is better or got bored. Either way

[Asker]

You have no scientific proof that generally women bond from sex while men are less likely. You're just pulling stuff out of you ass. And thanks for the correction of it being chemistry (the chemistry is a function of evolutionary biology, sex bonds, thus partners stay together to raise the young).

And you have no idea what you're talking about with Bundy, he did in fact get a girl to fall madly in love with him, then break off all ties. He never intended to kill her. He started killing later on

[udolipixie]

I actually do...seems you don't really know much about science though I guessed that already by how you claimed it was biology instead of chemistry. Guys get a huge jolt of testosterone which suppresses oxytocin that they release so only a portion of guys have an increae in plasma oxytocin after orgasm and that portion according to researchers wasn't a statistical significance.

link

[udolipixie]

Egh are you talking about Stephanie his ex girlfriend who rejected him? Liz who he admitted that he tried to kill her and her daughter at one point but was able to stop himself? Seems you don't know what you're saying.

Either way my comment still stands that you comparing gals you f*cked who left you to Ted Bund a sociopathic serial killer prone to psychological manipulation is quite skewed and seemingly you pulling cowsh*t and bullsh*t to have a pity party with you as the victim/martyr.

[udolipixie]

Considering studies show only a portion of guys have an increase in plasma oxytocin while gals generally do have an increase in plasma oxytocin and studies show gals release more oxytocin than guys it's reasonable to claim it's generally gals that form the bond. In simple terms:

Guys release a little oxytocin -> few guys have an increase in plasma oxytocin

Gals release a lot of oxytocin -> most gals have an increase in plasma oxytocin

[Asker]

Learn how to read. I never said it wasn't chemistry. Are we really gonna debate these retarded points? I'm saying the chemistry related to biological evolution. READ.I applaud you're ability to pull poo out of your bum. Your link provided to no evidence to your claim. It's important to read scientific research, rather than do key word search. And umm, not I'm not comparing the girls I fucked to Bundy. Just one girl, who lead me on for months, then disappeared. Get your facts straight sister.read

[udolipixie]

I did read: " Having orgasms in a girls body for two months causing bonding. It's biological"

You said it was biology not chemistry you even acknowledged you made a mistake: ". And thanks for the correction of it being chemistry"

Chemistry is not related to biological evolution other than they are both a type of science as a chemistry major I would know. The only retarded points made were you claiming there is no scientific proof.

[udolipixie]

It's quite apparent you didn't read the scientific research as my link did support my claim since that is the research's claim. The research's claim was that: Only a portion of guys have an increase in plasma oxytocin after orgasm and that portion according to researchers wasn't a statistical significance.

So do tell how did the link not provide any evidence for my claim?

[udolipixie]

You never clarified that you were comparing one gal to Ted Bundy as you went on about how cold it is for gals to just leave, stated you were to steer clear of gals like this, and then use a Bundy comparison.

Nice evasion on your supposed Bundy claim: "he did in fact get a girl to fall madly in love with him, then break off all ties. He never intended to kill her. He started killing later on"

[udolipixie]

Perhaps you're under the impression that because of biochemistry (study of chemical processes in living things) that means chemistry and biological evolution are related. (?) If so that is incorrect other than relation with both being a type of science.

Biological evolution is related to genetics as biological evolution is about the change in the inherited characteristics of biological populations over successive generations.

[asker999]

These problems you are bringing up is evidence that the American culture is dominated by a sense of entitlement. People just expect things, think they deserve things and aren't willing to work for them. They were raised with getting everything they wanted and protected from having their feelings hurt. Men and women. And now that the 'norm' in dating is so skewed, it makes everyone else feel like they aren't normal. And act irrational.

[Asker]

I'm not sure if you're referring to me or the girls I dated. But simply put, if I started a new job and didn't like it, I would tell them I quit and I'm not coming back. I don't think I'm entitled to anything, just letting someone know that they're not interested is just the decent thing to do. It's a cold world out there.

[asker999]

The only person that fading away or disappearing is easy for is the person fading away or disappearing. I agree with your sentiment that people should be able to treat each other with more respect and be open with their intentions and feelings. My point is that people's ability to communicate has been and is diminishing. And we are seeing the effects of that in the quality of relationships that we have and that are available to us.

[Asker]

i agree with that comment

[Lafemmedeschats]

I agree. The American way is entitlement

[toulouse]

lol a lot of people say thy prefer to use the silence method because thy don't want to hurt the girls/ guys feelings, and thy really think anyone will believe that they think leaving someone hanging and rejecting them is somehow more pleasant than having enough respect for them to just tell them upfront so they can move on without any ambiguity.

i guess you get how fuckd up that is. that's good. :)

[sweetserenity02]

Yes, some guys are like this also. I experienced this with 2 guys already.. They just keep it hanging..

I think you're pretty awsome and mature to want to discuss the relationship and the weak points that lead to the break up.U're just meeting the wrong girls.

Gosh, I wish I met someone like you locally. :(

[Lafemmedeschats]

One night stands or relationships based off of sex don't render for very deep relationships so I doubt the girls you were with meant very much by them. This may be too blunt to say but I think it's your choice in women, I have never broken up with someone by neglect over via technology, I've always done it face to face

[Anonymous]

I have this exact same problem right now but with guys. I agree the silence method is really fucked up.

I completely understand how frustrating it is!

As I would never act this way with guys, but get treated like this for some reason. Even the ones I don't meet at clubs. Sigh.

What kind of girls are you going for?

Maybe it is a looks thing? I don't know. Looks are not everything.

Where are you meeting these types of girls?

[Asker]

Here's where I met them all:

Three on the internet.

One at a club,

One at a party,

One at my friends work

One a friends of my sisters friend.

As for looks... the most attractive one was the one who stuck around for two months, she also royally screwed with my head.

None of the girls I have been going for have really been the same. I don't really have a type.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. My list is pretty similar to yours.

I've met guys online, through a friend, at the club. I am also in the 30 - 35 age bracket lol.

Shrugs.

Guess this goes to show that it's not just guys that do this. Roll eyes.

[523206720]

If you want a serious relationship, stop dating girls that sleep with you after less than a week - they will leave you for somebody else when the week is over.

[TheOneTurv]

yeah we guys sometimes do this as well. I used too until I wasn't shy anymore.

i think it is just the person just shy or worried you will be mad...even tho it pisses the other person off more when you don't tell them.

[Whitechocolate1001]

I can't even get a woman to look at me, how the hell did you manage to get 7 dates? I hate being ugly.

[Anonymous]

All I see is a man using girls for sex.

[Asker]

Are you referring to me as that man? If so, explain

[Opinion Owner]

Girl 1-7 all are slept with and then the relationships end. And 7 in a year is a lot of people.

[Asker]

I slept with 4 of the 7 girls. Of those four, two of them wouldn't see me again. One of them really broke my heart. So at best you could argue that I used two girls for sex (which I didn't). One of the girls who I broke it off with, repeatedly came back to me for a casual sex relationship. She was using me.

[Lafemmedeschats]

He seemed like he was looking for real relationships but doesn't know how to go about it

[timewarper]

I think they have bi polar or are doing drugs

[Anonymous]

Yah, though males do this all the time too

[Asker]

i guess, I don't. But I can't defend my gender. What I find amusing is how many girls defend the idea of being a coward. A text message is so cowardly and they can't even handle that. IF ANY MAN IGNORES YOU WITHOUT EXPLANATION, I STAND FIRM AND STAY THEY ARE SH%TTY HUMAN BEINGS.

[Anonymous]

Yeah but so were guys.

[Asker]

I can't defend my gender. What I find amusing is how many girls defend the idea of being a coward. A text message is so cowardly and they can't even handle that. IF ANY MAN IGNORES YOU WITHOUT EXPLANATION, I STAND FIRM AND STAY THEY ARE SH%TTY HUMAN BEINGS.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much, yes.