Questions: Dating

I stopped going to the gym and have been eating a lot of ice cream. 😧😬💀 Is it horrible?

And no I’m not trying to glorify unhealthy lifestyle or to make fat acceptable etc.

I know it’s not good and I don’t plan to stay this way. I also don’t get offended.

I just want a sense of reality if people actually find me attractive how I look now or mostly not at all. Really am just curious. How difficult is it to find a partner looking how I look now.

I'm preaching to the choir when I say that life is difficult. We think that what other people have is better than what we have. This sort of thinking messes with our lives.

My next point is I'm in college. The ring before spring culture is insane. I see couples everywhere and yet I realize that I may not see as many couples as I think I see. What I mean by that is there are factors I don't see (where they are in the relationship). It seems better to be in a relationship because of the perceived validation, touch, and company. It takes a lot of adaptation to stay a couple.

Couples need to think about the future. There is the money aspect of buying a house and having kids. Other aspects are the partner's habits to maneuver, feelings to be honest about. If one is not honest about them (bottling them thus keeping them a secret) they won't get along very well. That is the price of creating a harmonious lifestyle. Habits and feelings are not bad they are a part of you; they will be a part of the kids as well.

I would say dating and marriage is an extension of school. While this will be an unpopular opinion, I will explain my reasoning. Anytime, I explain my reasoning I'd rather exercise my thinking than convince you. Dating and Marriage is not fully like school; it doesn't have math, literature and science in that order. School is heavy on the subjects, light on the fun. Dating and marriage is lighter on the subjects. The subjects are needed to keep the boat. Analogy: fun things keep the boat floating. Each semester I'm in college took adaptability to succeed in my courses. Every course is different, so is each person.

Decision-making for dating and marriage has to be unified. I am not saying that couples need to order the same thing at restaurants. I'm saying scheduling vacation times, which school the kid is going to, who's the nanny. Cemented stuff like that.

I watched a couple of videos on YouTube and as a curious young woman I found a coupla comments which makes me question everything. I witnessed a female commentator arguing with a male commenter but I chose not to add fuel to the fire therefore leaving them alone. Is it true nerdy good girls who are average looking and has a kind heart not able to get more potential mates compared to a party girl who’s conventionally pretty but has unrealistic standards. She explicitly state men can have standards when it comes to women but when women have standards she called a gold digger, etc. Then he fought back ‘women like you said men’s height are a requirement but when we want women who are not fat y’all get mad.’ As for me I noticed there are some nerdy good girls able to get quality men who don’t care about looks. I keep my standards realistic and when it comes to height I prefer a guy to be around 2cm taller than me rather than 6-7 feet tall. He doesn’t need to be rich and he doesn’t need to be super hot. Thing is I’m afraid of meeting new people and avoid every volunteer and public meeting spaces hence why I’m still single because I’m too scared to have more friends. They say the only way to get a romantic partner is to meet new people but I refuse to do that hence why I’m single because I find single is easier and I hate changing my routines.

Honestly is it true women can’t have standards whereas men can have standards in society or am I wrong?

Let’s say for example you lost family members, struggled with addiction or lost a child. How would that impact you going forward? Would you be afraid to attach again?

In January 2025 I was chatting to a man briefly on an app. I liked him and he suggested meeting up. Things were going fine, we talked about expectations etc. prior to meeting. He also mentioned that he’d had a stillborn baby in his last relationship. It left me speechless but I offered a lot of empathy. After that admission, he retreated a few days later and said he didn’t see us going anywhere, which contradicted everything we’d chatted about and our similar values.

Fast forward to September, he reached out again and we ended up chatting for a couple of months every day. He arranged a date with me. The pace was slower this time, we didn’t jump right into talking about the serious stuff. Consistency was there, he was incredibly kind. We met for the first date and it was nice. We laughed, he told me a little more about what he’s been through (loss of brother, rehab, stillborn baby, loss of partner, rehab and then turning his life around). We made physical contact and hugged and he told me I looked lovely. He arranged a second date before the first ended and I met him again. We chatted a bit more, not too much in-depth but enough for me to know he liked me. We admitted we liked and were attracted to each other. We hugged again and before that date was over he arranged the third. We met for our third and went to the cinema. When he said goodbye I could feel more closeness in his hug and goodbye. This time he never arranged a fourth date.

I noticed more intimacy in his replies after this date and he said he hadn’t been sure whether to kiss me. I said I was happy for that to unfold naturally. But after the kiss question? I noticed a slight stall, things weren’t moving. When I asked if he still had time for dating, he deflected the question back to me and side-stepped. Basically saying we’d been busy and that distance doesn’t help along with us not being ‘excited’ to talk to each other. A bizarre reply, because it contradicted his actions completely.