Sometimes I sit back and really think like damn, some of this shit feels like a fairytale.
Half the time I don’t even believe what’s happening around me is real. Yet I am always having odd experiences that most won’t be able to relate to.
From a shitty home life, to circus training as a minor with my best friend (now dead), to going to a great film school in Florida, to owning a small bakery business, to late night “clubbing” with artsy people, to freelance light designing for theater houses, to taking a job in Alaska (leaving my bakery behind) to now Atlanta and then Spain.
I’m not even sure I’m real sometimes.
And no this isn’t me bragging or anything. I am just pleasantly surprised at how my life is going. Doing a lot. Taking great risks. Being the best me that I can.
So, are you leaving Alaska within a year? Or were you talking about Atlanta.
Honestly, I think I need to experience something like what you’re experiencing, going from place to place, doing different things.
I’ve been the opposite, where I’m in a singular location more or less and doing routine things.
Not ever really changes and that’s both a blessing and curse.
Id like to do exactly what you’re doing, with the right people of course.
I like to think I’m quite adventurous, but I don’t think I’d use my life as evidence for that lol.
You seem to have a cool life, worthwhile experiences and you seem happy, no, “fulfilled” and embedded with some mission or purpose.
Which is better than happiness
You have some forward moving motivation/momentum it seems.
Am I right or am I right? Lol
I’m leaving Alaska in October and spending a year in Atlanta afterwards probably doing the same work I am now just in a different location. I REFUSE to stay here for the winter.
Honestly I’m not always sure exactly what happiness is supposed to be. But I love what I have and I love what I do. I love myself as I love others. And life doesn’t stop.
If you can’t or won’t use your own life as a model of adventure then maybe you aren’t that adventurous as you think. Nothing wrong with that. I’d just personally think of you as just ambitious with not a lot of action behind it.
I can't have children. But I’ll adopt someday. And I want to live my life in way that I hope they’ll be proud of enough to get some inspiration to be as authentic as they can be. So maybe ask yourself if you are living similarly. Can your future kids get inspiration out of you? Does your life provoke wild and vivid dreams in the young heart of someone else? Can they build off of your ideas? Would they be able to take what you have and challenge themselves?
Yeah, maybe I’m in denial but I think you’re right when you say I’m probably not as adventurous as I think I am.
Perhaps it all looks better in my head than in reality, who knows?
Why don’t you like Alaska?
Atlanta should be cool and Spain should be gnarly.
I won’t get into my personal life right now, just because there’s a lot of writing to do, but I’m at a place now where I can’t necessarily go where I want.
Once I’m able to have more stability, I think I’ll branch off and do more things.
I’m still doing things in line with my current goals but I feel like I’m maturing so fast that even those goals are changing. Im finding solace and peace in simpler goals/simpler life.
Not an easy life, but simpler in my personal ideas.
To answer your questions in the last paragraph,
Yes, once I have children, I think I can answer ALL of those questions in the affirmative (yes).
Right now? Perhaps not so much
Alaska is generally cold wet. I knew this would happen. I knew I wouldn’t like the location 😂 but I enjoy the work (as a temporary experience).
Everything is far away. There are no black people 😂 the living situation is not ideal… I can’t be here for long.
I already enjoy Atlanta so that will be fine.
Spain will be the biggest change for me but I know I’m up for it.
I think I have a simple life and simple goals but it may not look that way on paper 😂
You seem to also be quite busy
Which is the perfect antidote to any depressive or sad thoughts.
You’re always somewhere doing something and the future looks the same.
Do you feel good? Not happy or anything, that’s not the same.
Good, do you feel good with where you are in life?