Would you consider this arrogant?

[John_And_Elijah]

Let's say that I'm a mathematician, and someone who is rather basic at math calls me “arrogant" for telling them that 10 × 10 = 100. The say “10 × 10 = 50”. I then explain to them exactly why 10 × 10 = 100, but they reject it and say “I do not see how you're arriving at 100. My calculations are telling me the answer is 50”. Then I reply “The answer is 100, and that is just that. I'm right and you're wrong”. They then begin to accuse you of being arrogant and will not accept the explanations that you're providing them with because their calculations show the answer to be 50. I'm just giving you an example of a similar situation that I'm in with someone whose calling me “arrogant” for reasons not relating to math, but this example explains it perfectly.

Updates

+1 y

I like to keep my real life privacy, so yes.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

If you're very logically and mathematically minded, you might favor a very formal type of debate with others, careful to avoid logical fallacies. It can be very civil and completely logical from a very logical perspective.

The problem is that debating actually tends to be a very counter-productive way to communicate with people in one-on-one situations no matter how carefully you avoid fallacies, since debating still aims to prove ourselves right and others wrong, and that tends to bruise some egos and step on some toes.

Debating is an effective form of communication when you want to persuade judges like the judge in a courtroom, not the opposition; the opposition doesn't want to concede their argument since they're also trying to persuade the judges.

So I recommend when you're just dealing with people one-on-one, forget debating. Focus on sharing, gently persuading. Be generous, even if they're clearly in the wrong. Make the goal about developing mutual understanding and becoming closer with the person, not proving them wrong. And if they're reasonable and clearly in the wrong, often you can still persuade of the correct answer. If not, unless they're completely unreasonable, you can still have a very friendly conversation, and possibly even become friends despite continuing to disagree.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Consider Spock in Star Trek as well as Vulcans in general:

He's not arrogant. He's just supremely logical. He doesn't use any logical fallacies, never resorts to ad hominem, always civil.

Yet to a lot of irrational human beings, him and other people of Vulcan culture are going to come across cold and arrogant. Ordinary people often benefit from feeling like you're generous, warm, trustworthy before they start finding it comfortable to open up and admit they might be in the wrong.

So it helps to favor a warmer tone of communication in these one-on-one contexts: to logically deal with the illogical nature of others in ways that gently appeases them to look at things more logically, and realize you aren't seeking to punish them whatsoever in pointing out their potential mistakes.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Also a lesson from the master of empathetic communication (Daryl Davis, who managed to convert so many KKK members out of the Klan):
https://youtu.be/AvMNaDDfrN0

[John_And_Elijah]

Well, in my particular situation, I started off with a gentle explanation, but they completely blew it off with this very unreasonable attitude, as if they LOVE the idea of clinging to this belief and don't want to hear otherwise. So I said to myself in my head "Okay, you know what, screw it!" Then replied with my comment "This is this. I'm right and you're wrong, and that's just that."

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

That one last comment could be perceived as a bit arrogant or rude. You have remember that person still hasn't been successfully persuaded that 10x10=50 in this hypothetical scenario (as foolish as that is), so being told that you're right and they're wrong will just tend to come across to them like an ego statement rather than a logical one.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] You have [to] remember that person still hasn't been successfully persuaded that [10x10=100] [...]

[John_And_Elijah]

I guess I just have a real issue with a stubborn attitude, being that I've always been open-minded with a willingness to grow in knowledge.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I can understand the impatience sometimes. I've certainly had my impatient moments. I think nowadays we live in such a divisive world in terms of knowledge. The internet hasn't had the effect of converging us towards a narrower range of answers so much as dividing us, it seems, and now we're dealing with people from all sorts of cultural backgrounds across the world. So I often think we need to strive towards a very patient and empathetic style of communication which sees the ultimate goal as cooperation and building trust and correcting each other as a subsidiary one, even if what we ultimately want to do is correct each other.

[sean1234]

Ha ha, I know exactly what you are actually talking about. It's like the Sabbath, why on earth do people explain away the 4th commandment when it says to remember it? Then they want to keep only 9 others. Better yet 🤦🏻‍♂️, they think the 4th commandment is talking about Sunday!🤦🏻‍♂️

Nothing can show them the truth, even very simple truths. I can see how people can call themselves Christians and celebrate Easter and Christmas, but once explained the evils of it, they like myself should turn your head from it forever.

[HelpfulWoman]

"that is that, i'm right and you're wrong"
that is being arrogant. because you're taking a "i'm superior" stance and not explaining why its right.
they may still not accept it, but at least you've given them the chance to learn.
-You can still be right and be arrogant.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you’re having to come up with some made up conversation example, and posting a question to strangers asking if you’re arrogant, proves that yes you are arrogant.

[NathanDavis]

yes... you're arrogant

[NathanDavis]

you're not right, and they are not wrong...

your calculations are right... theirs are wrong

but you made it about yourself being better... so that comes out as arrogant

[John_And_Elijah]

Then how would you deal with the situation if that person insists on their calculations being right and mine being wrong? Sounds to me like they enjoy the idea of 10 x 10 equaling 50.

[NathanDavis]

well... since I've been a tutor for years, this is what I do...

if they're kids, we do the math with something they would really want to keep, say snacks... and then we do the math together, and the result, they can keep it for themselves... and yes, chances are that they will want to keep 100 instead of just 50

if they're older or adults, make it about money... and go through the calculations, but in this case make it about them getting less money back... do they want just 50 back, or all 100...

lol

[Anonymous]

In a word, yes.

[John_And_Elijah]

In a word?

[John_And_Elijah]

How so?