I feel like doing something to myself because of this?

[Anonymous]

I’m 24 and I feel bad about myself for still being with my parents. I also think it’s why I’ve never been asked on a date.
I spent all my time at college not making any money because they forced me.
I feel like it’s a trap because my parents make lots of noise on purpose and it’s hard to get rest at night. If I complain they’ll use still living with them against me. All my peers who didn’t go to college live on their own by pursuing something they were actually good at that didn’t need college, or from being able to work full time. If I didn’t go to college I would’ve been able to have at least a room by now so I can have quiet.
I know it was done on purpose because all my male relatives were allowed to not go to college and pursue entrepreneurship instead; they lived on their own from 19 off of it.
My parents also explicitly said that they don’t let me have money opportunities because they won’t be able to tell me anything to me once I have money and they know I’ll go far away and not visit.
It’s true, but I still think it’s unfair to keep it from me.
What can I do? My whole life is done.

Updates

1 y

I just want some quiet to sleep.
Grandma feeds the mice.
I’m not allowed heat in the winter and no ac in the summer. I can’t put anything in the fridge. All my things have to stay in garbage bags and I can’t find anything.

[Anonymous]

Girl dry your eyes and get your shit together. You’re talking like you are a middle school adolescent and not a grown work woman in college. Live for yourself, get more hours at work and learn to juggle that and school while you save to move out. No one’s going to hold your hand and place you in the right position, you’ve got to sacrifice and do the work to get what you want. I get it, grandma feeds the mice or whatever you’re saying to others but fuck sake, only YOU can advocate for yourself and you’d rather complain than really try to fix anything.

[Asker]

Rent is at least $1,700 in NY saving $20 a week is never going to be enough for security deposit, 3 months rent, etc.
I take 2 4 hours classes a day so I can’t work those days I have school.
I’ll just accept that it’s ok how I’m being treated. Its all my fault. You’re taking their side because you’re their age.
I only have a bachelors.
She let all the males not do college and work full time but forced the girls to do school.
She says she doesn’t want me leaving because I won’t visit her that why she’s harder on me.

[Opinion Owner]

Where did I take their side or even mention anything about your parents? I’m quite specifically talking about your situation and your refusal to get yourself out of it. Excuses back to back and your accountability is basically the equivalent of stomping your feet and crying. “I’ll just accept how I’m being treated, it’s all my fault!”. Ok victim. TJMaxx is not the only job under the Sun, you could find something else, you could go to work after school even just part time. But no, you’re probably too tired after a day of sitting in class right? Stop it, you don’t wanna do the work.

[Asker]

Yes because you can get a job that can help you move out with only a bachelors. They don’t do anything wrong it’s just me. That’s why you live alone with happiness because you know everything and do everything right. That’s why you have everything and I don’t. It’s me. Getting out of class at 9pm leaves lots of time to work. It’s ok to fart on someone because they don’t live in their own. Thanks.

[Opinion Owner]

So you know me personally? You know my living situation and background? You can do the whole woe is me thing if you want but stop throwing all these assumptions at me as to why I couldn’t get what you’re going through. I’ve been a full time student with a full time job, I’m not talking out of my ass here. I’m saying there is room to allocate more hours at work or a job that pays more if you wanted it bad enough and you don’t. Suddenly you keep repeating how your parent do nothing wrong so then why complain like this about them if they’re so faultless? This is just you backpedaling so you don’t have to step up in life. It’s much more comfortable.

[Asker]

Yeah. I just realized this whole post was stupid. Nothing is wrong. What’s happening is right, fair and ok. It’s all my fault. I have to take all the accountability even though I didn’t want this plan it’s still my fault. The right way is to step up and take the blame no matter what. I did everything wrong. I don’t know what I was thinking. Thanks. Lol

[kylee2437]

@Opinion owner wait until she finds out phone bills are probably the cheapest bills to pay

[Opinion Owner]

@asker I don't know why that sounds sarcastic but ok lol

[Opinion Owner]

@kylee seriously! That phone bill is nothing lol

[Asker]

It’s highly advantageous to have almost $2k of your own and still take from someone poorer that’s beneath you.
But it’s my fault I take accountability

[Opinion Owner]

Sigh, no one is saying it’s your fault you have to pay a phone bill, that doesn’t even make a lick of sense. I could not be more clear: I’m talking about you taking control of your life. Getting more hours or a better job, saving to move out, helping your situation if you genuinely felt tired of it. The only reason you’re backpedaling now talking about “I don’t know what I was thinking” “it’s all my fault” etc is your way of saying you’re tired of this life but not tired enough to get out of it yet. Cool, I guess you’ll be dealing with this until you graduate, find a job within your degree, then save and move out. How many more years are you locking yourself in for this misery simply because you’re comfortable?

[Asker]

Again. You know everything and got it fine that’s why you in the know. It’s not just the phone bill I have to fund her fun and she brags. Thanks.

[Asker]

That’s like me going outside and asking a homeless person to buy me lunch. If you have $2k leave my poor ass alone. You keep purposely misunderstanding.

[Asker]

I should not to pay for a 46 year old to have fun. I don’t even get to have fun. I never go out. It’s my fault though. Thanks.

[Opinion Owner]

I said I worked a full time job while a full time student, please explain how that is me getting everything and knowing everything? You just wanna whine and complain, everyone’s got it better than you huh? The passive aggressiveness, victim mentality, gaslighting and sarcasm all back to back is actually so childish. Then trying to compare your situation to that of a fucking homeless transient? Disgusting.

[Changiis07]

You are so young, don't compare yourself to others that have moved out before you. Everyone's story is different. I moved out on my own at 31. If you are able to get a part time job, I would do so. Try to save as much as you can so that you can move out. If you can't have a job right now just be thankful you have a place to sleep and food. Some people don't have that. Try other alternatives like earplugs or something to help with the noise while you sleep..

[Asker]

I work part time at tjmaxx

[Asker]

It’s $208 a week. I can old work 3 days due to school.
My mom makes $1,700 a week and makes me pay her phone bill.

[Changiis07]

If you are working then I can see why she wants you to pay for a bill but again a little savings here and there def adds up. You can do it, or see what other ways you can make money to save and move out

[Asker]

She SAVES as much of her $1,700 as she can and uses my tiny check. She brags in my face about it. She said she just got the job and wants to get herself together so she needs to use me a little bit more so she can be ok. Rent is at least $1,700 in NY saving $20 a week is never going to be enough for security deposit, 3 months rent, etc.

[kylee2437]

@asker you seem to not understand how much things cost though. Paying a phone is quite nothing compared to other bills. You’re quite lucky your mother isn’t charging you rent.

[Asker]

Charge me rent how? She set things up so I can’t work full time to have more money.
College was her idea. I never wanted to go.
If I was allowed to work full time and never do college I could’ve done rent.

[kylee2437]

@asker how’s that when you don’t even realize TJ Maxx won’t pay bills? I highly doubt that. While college wasn’t your personal plan, you have the ability to change things

[Changiis07]

what about saving some money and moving to a new state where the rent is cheaper? or if you know of an honest friend that will let you rent a room. Good thing you are 24 and old enough as well. You probably just need a change and get away from your family. You're not tied down to living there where you feel you are not getting any quiet time. You deserve more peace

[Asker]

Oh nah. I just realized this whole post was stupid. Nothing is wrong. It’s all my fault. Thanks for being here Changi. I was just scared of running away and having stuff worst than what was being done at home done to me on the streets. But that’s my problem. Being pussy is my problem. It’s all my fault. Farted on and all. Thanks a lot for being patient and taking time out.

[Asker]

I’m 24 my life is done. It’s too late. Thanks again. I don’t have anyone that’s why I come here and you took the time out. Thanks. Thanks for your insight.

[Changiis07]

Your life isn't done. Life is amazing, you jus have to find the right people the good people to hang around. The post wasn't stupid, you are not the only one that is going through tough times. There's so many others that have it so much worse. There are kids not being fed, tortured. There's people without limbs still getting up everyday. Count your blessings and shift your mindset

[kylee2437]

I mean personally everything has pros and cons. Living on your own is cool but is definitely overrated in terms of paying bills. Those same friends living on their own are definitely struggling to make ends meet and probably have to work almost everyday.

[Asker]

You don’t understand.
I just want some quiet to sleep.
Grandma feeds the mice.
I’m not allowed heat in the winter and no ac in the summer. I can’t put anything in the fridge. All my things have to stay in garbage bags and I can’t find anything.

[kylee2437]

@asker I do understand, it’s the grass is greener affect. If you think living on your own would be better, get to it

[Asker]

I can’t because I wasted all my time at FIT not making any money. If I’m living with them I have to go to college. I tried to get into the shelter system but they turned me away. I told them everything and they still said no. If I could’ve got into the shelter I could’ve dropped out of school and they can’t say anything because I’m in the shelter then I could have worked full time.
I’m 24 and I wasted all my time at school not making enough money to afford at least a room. They did this to me on purpose. They let all the males slide and not do college to have their own business off of something they are good at, but make all the girls do school. They don’t want me to go they said. Even my uncle is in on it. My mom starts the crying thing and guilt trip when I bring up wanting to be far away from them.

[Asker]

I’m 24. That’s 30 my whole life is done. I didn’t even get to study what I wanted.

[kylee2437]

@asker working everyday is a different kind of prison. Trust me on this, I was forced to move out this year due to parent death and it’s not easy

[Asker]

You don’t understand. You get to have space to breathe, you get to have happiness, you get to watch tv I’m not allowed to watch anything except court shows and news, you can have sex, you don’t get farted on on purpose, no one hums in your ear while you sleep, you don’t get pushed out the way even though you already moved. You get QUIET. Peace. Because you live alone.
I don’t have that.
I have to smell farts all the time. I can’t put anything in the fridge.
You have a closet. I have garbage bags.

[Asker]

They say if I don’t want humming in my ear I have to move out. I haven’t had my own bed in 14 years.

[kylee2437]

@asker you keep complaining but aren’t doing anything about it.

[Asker]

You don’t understand. I wasn’t allowed to work enough. I was forced to study something I don’t to. The shelter doesn’t take me in.

[kylee2437]

There’s other jobs besides TJ MAXX

[Asker]

I was forced to do college and not work full time. Everyone my age that didn’t do college been moved out.

[Asker]

I’m not eligible for much besides retail with a bachelors.

[kylee2437]

I don’t have a college degree and will never settle for a job that goes for minimum wage. You are complaining but your friends don’t have college degrees and branched out. Stop making excuses and just do it.

[Asker]

They were allowed to work full time. Their parents never forced them to do college. College was never a conversation in their home and they have cars and go on trips.

[kylee2437]

So what’s your excuse to not working full time now?

[Asker]

Taking summer classes.

[Asker]

They are only available in the summer. It’s by audit.

[kylee2437]

Sounds like you need a better job. Most people when they want to make more money and a job doesn’t provide that, they go elsewhere. It’s life.

[Asker]

Yeah its all my fault. Thanks.
They don’t do anything bad it’s just me.

[kylee2437]

@asker you are in control of your own life. The difference between you and your friends is they took control of their own lives and made up for not wanting to go to college.

[Asker]

They are never forced. They lived with their parents while they worked full time then eventually moved out at 20. They were never given the ultimatum to be homeless or go to college and stay here.

[Asker]

Their parents never discussed college. Their parents even talk down in it. Their parents never went to college.

[kylee2437]

@asker however in order to be able to move out, they definitely worked for it. And you have that ability too. You need to be able to see yourself doing something else besides being a cashier at any retail stores. Retail stores do not pay and they are for college students that live with parents and don’t want/need to move out.

[Asker]

I know they worked for it. They did the same minimum wage jobs FULL time and not part time and got a room at least. Never wasted tears in college. They dropped out of HS and did GED and worked full time. I was valedictorian in high school and wasted 8 years in college. I’m with parents they aren’t. Thanks a lot for your help. For real.
Oh and I never had anything against working. I didn’t know why you assumed that.

[kylee2437]

@asker if they are still working for minimum wage even full time while moved out, they are definitely struggling and I don't know why you are trying to minimize the fact that they probably are struggling just in a different instance than your struggle

[Asker]

I rather that struggle. I love being alone and having quiet. Id rather work myself into a deep exhaustion to live alone than live with folks. If I could give myself up for a room I would. I’ve even done prostitution. Been stabbed all that. Alone is my definition of happy. I know you elders would try to say otherwise. I’m my healthiest and happiest alone. Look you just don’t understand and that’s ok. Thanks again. This is all my fault I guess it’s just something I could’ve done. WhatEvs
Thanks for your insight.

[kylee2437]

@asker I’m two years older than you “elders” 😭