Why did I do this to myself?

[Anonymous]

My ex called me up and we talked. He was sort of tipsy and it eventually went into him coming to my house. Though I urged him several times not to show up because he had been drinking but I gave in. Needless to say we slept together and while it was great, I'm left feeling a hole in my heart while he's off doing his thing.

I know I shouldn't have let him in like that again but I couldn't help myself. I'm in so deep I don't know how to let go. But I know I should because for him it was just sex but for me it felt like more than that.

I know I need to create new rules like that Dua Lipa song because he's not going to ever want to be with me again. I'm just setting myself up for the okey doke.

I'm so stupid. He only wanted me because he was drunk and alone. Stupid stupid stupid me. 🙄

https://youtu.be/k2qgadSvNyU?si=j4WUHYeDBa9UIKPd

[slayxme]

we all have our moments with an ex or someone we still care about.

Do not be so hard on yourself.

You are only human and break ups are super hard. If you know that he is truly not on the same page and only having physical needs to be met, then, I think it is important to hold boundaries.

If you truly wanna get back with this guy and think there might be hope to resolved your past issues in the relationship. It is okay to communicate your desire to work things out. However, if the break up is for the best and he broke things off with you... save your heartache by keeping your distance.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I definitely will do that. Keep my distance.

[slayxme]

Your welcome☺️ hope you heal as much as you can and focus on your happiness 🫶🏻 I just finish healing from a break up, so I totally getchu how hard it is.

[SnowyOwl]

I been in that situation and the best thing that I did was take a trip. The change of scenery, the meeting new people, the doing whatever I want whenever I want. You'll always need time to heal a deep and intense relationship, but a change of scenery certainly accelerates the process, it's just wonderful. Truly recommend it. Even if you don't go that far. As long as you go somewhere you're curious about (:

[Asker]

Yeah I would love to do that. I will definitely do that when I build up some money first. Thanks for the suggestion!

[SnowyOwl]

Nice! So you have something to look forward to ☺️ meanwhile just block your door, and his contact. Ik it's painful. But you seem pretty aware of needing new rules. Sometimes we gotta be our own best friend ❤️

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, your heart's doing the cha-cha-cha, lining up right alongside Dua Lipa's "New Rules!" Been there, felt that. It's like your heart's the DJ in charge, spinning all the tracks of hope and memories. 🍷✨ Remember, it's totally okay to stumble a bit while learning to let go; every tune has its rhythm. Focus on you now – the dazzling star of your own show. Remember, love is out there, waiting to serenade you when you're ready.💃🕺

[Makeushiver]

Well you sound like you know the answer to your question. On the other hand, having a lover who knows what he's doing is nothing to sneeze at. Unless you habe reasons not to you could simply call a spade a space and tell him that you don't mind seeing him on those terms nut you want to be free to see other people and you don't meant to see him when he's been drinking. not course once u you say that you need to back it up and telling him no bit then ducking g him is not exactly a clear signal.

[NewWaves]

Self sabotage and delusional hope, I guess. Saying that as someone who's also made the mistake of getting involved with the wrong person and giving in.
And I almost gave in not long ago. Circumstances actually stopped me long enough to clear my head.
When he calls, don't answer. The whole no contact thing. And just continue on with your life.

[Asker]

I think I am going to block him. That way I won't be tempted and can just move on with my life like you said.

[SnowyOwl]

Yes girl, you can do it, block him! You deserve better

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

I mean you could block him so he can't call you or email you or text you anymore. But maybe that would be admitting how much he gets to you.

You might have better luck controlling herself if you didn't pick up when he called. You could let him leave a voicemail, and then the next day you could leave a voicemail responding to his voicemail.

Just how weak do you get when you talk to this guy? Like could he basically talk you into anything? Do you have no resistance at all?

[Asker]

The problem is that I'm still very much in love with him and I didn't know how to cut him off but I know I must because he's not going to take me back. I think I will just block him to solve that issue.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Do you think you could find someone you like even more?

Why'd he break up with you? Did he give you a reason? He still enjoys having sex with you, so I guess he broke up with you for emotional reasons? Something like that?

[Asker]

I think I could eventually when I'm over him completely. I just haven't been able to get over him yet but I am starting to talk to other guys and plan on going on dates.

He broke up with me because of my depression.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Were you depressed because he was making it hard to be in a relationship with him?

Do you fall in love easily, or was there something special about this guy? My guess is that he's either really good looking, or really rich, or has a huge...

[Asker]

No I just have depression. I was diagnosed with it in my late 20s. It makes it hard to deal with. And I guess he couldn't take it anymore.

I don't fall in love easily. The funny thing is he's not all that great looking, not rich and his penis is a little above average but that's not what made me fall for him. It was his personality. His sweet and kind nature. His humor. His honesty and loyalty. But the sex is a nice bonus. He's great in the sack.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

How old are you now?

If he was less amazing in bed, do you think it would be easier for you to walk away from him? Do you maybe just miss all those orgasms?

You can message me, if you don't want to broadcast your business all over the internet. Just a thought.

[Asker]

I'm 30.

Perhaps it would be. I did miss the sex. But moreso the cuddling and being held afterwards.

Its okay. I'm anon so it doesn't really matter.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

If you met a guy who was equally fantastic in bed, would that make it easier for you to move on?

You're hoping to get married within the next few years, I guess? Were you hoping that your ex was "the one"?

[Asker]

Probably and yes I was hoping he would be "the one."

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

So you're seeing other guys? I guess there's no way to tell if a guy is good in bed without... umm... trying him out.

You must be attractive, if you've got all these guys asking you for dates.

[Asker]

Yes I am in the process of going out with two guys. I've been talking to five so it's not a lot but I guess you could say I'm attractive.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Nothing serious I guess, or you'd be down to only one guy.

Is that why your ex still wants to have sex with you? Because you're so attractive?

Do any of your five guys stand out? Like does one of them seem like potential husband material?

[Asker]

Yeah just one guy.

Yeah he's very attracted to me. He's said it multiple times even after the breakup.

There is one guy I'm going to go out on a date with this weekend that stands out. He is sweet and funny.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

It's too bad you're so attached to your ex emotionally. If you weren't, you and he would be great as friends with benefits, until you find a new guy to be serious about.

Did your ex say he was physically attracted to you, or emotionally attracted, or what?

Is it hard, being as "hot" as you are, to find a guy that isn't just looking for sex?

I'm gonna suggest you message me again. It's fine if you don't want to, but it would be easier than scrolling so much. Our message thread has gotten kinda long.

[Asker]

He said he was physically attracted to me.

And it's extremely hard. There were only 2 out of the 5 guys I've talked to that didn't start talking about sex.

And I don't really want to message. Sorry.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

So it's your body that guys like zoom in on when they see you? And that gets them immediately thinking about sex? It makes guys see you as... I mean more like someone for short-term fun?

[Asker]

I guess so but there are two guys that haven't made it about sex. They have been wanting to get to know me and take me out so I will give them a chance and see where it goes. I'm hoping it won't be just about sex with them and it's something more. But I shall see...

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Some anonymous woman on here asked a question about how to be seen as girlfriend material instead of the "fun girl.' Was that you? Just asking because it kinda ties in to what we're talking about.

Do you have trouble keeping male friends? Do they all sooner or later try for a relationship with you, or sex with you?

You must photograph really well.

[Asker]

Nope that wasn't me. And yes I do. They don't ever want to be just friends. They always want to eventually be with me or sex.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

You must have an amazing body no offense.

Did you ever model or anything like that?

[Asker]

I've had many people tell me to get into modeling but I'm too short. I'm only 5'1.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Short, slender, and large-breasted? Just a guess. Is that why guys start thinking about sex as soon as they see you?

There are different kinds of models. You could be a bikini model, or something like that maybe.

[Asker]

B cup is not large breasted. I wish I was a D cup. But maybe so. I've never had trouble getting guys but I've only ever been in love with my ex.

And yeah that's true. I just never took the time to do a portfolio. I was caught up in school work.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

So you're quite slim and small then? Like all over? Do you look younger than thirty?

What do you do for a living? You're out of school I guess.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Sorry if that was a bad question.

[Asker]

Yes I am. My ex said I look 21. I am a caregiver.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

A caregiver like a nurse? Who do you take care of?

And you're short you said? Does that make you look even younger?

[Asker]

Yeah like a nurse. I take care of the elderly in the evening through the night. And yes I probably look younger to most people because of my height and I get carded every time I am going to buy alcohol.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

We probably look about the same age.

Do you get hit on constantly when you're out in public? Like by random guys?

[Asker]

If I'm at a bar or club with friends then yes I do but not like out in public. It's pretty rare. I guess because I look so young.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

How short are you?

You don't look like jailbait do you?

[Emmytexrex]

I understand you still have feelings for him
And you don't have multiple guys chasing you or many options and he knows that he crawled back to your house knowing you are going to accept him in just seeing it like was drunk nothing else and don't let your feelings for him control you think about all the reasons you should not be with him and lastly go out there other guys are out there because if he knows there is someone in your life he won't come crawling back as drunk

[Asker]

Yeah I have been trying to date other guys but it's been hard to let him go. I know once I give other guys a chance, he will fade into the background. It's just hard but I know I need to let him go and move on with my life.

[Unit1]

You deserved that. Until you refuse or block your ex and call the police if he shows up at your doorstep ( provided your region has a functional police) that's what you get. You didn't act accordingly, so there.

[D_Bone_Steak]

The music video just makes me imagine how wonderful the world would be with no fat chicks.

I really don't like fat chicks.

[exitseven]

Even though this is posted by an Anon it would take a heart of stone not to shed a tear.

[Anonymous]

Why is he not going to ever want to be with you again?

[Asker]

Because he hasn't shown or said he wants to be with me again and it's been months since we broke up.

[Opinion Owner]

Why'd you break up? Who broke up with whom?

[Asker]

He broke up with me because of my depression.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow! Sorry to hear that. I think you're right that you should definitely not see him again. You should probably block his number too. But most importantly, you should treat your depression!

[Asker]

Thanks. And I think I will block him as well as get a therapist for my depression.

[Opinion Owner]

Good idea. In the meantime you should also make sure you work out every day. A lot of depression is either caused by or exacerbated by poor fitness. And fixing that is one area where many therapists don't adequately address.

[slayxme]

sorry anonymous fella to step in, but I loved your empathetic advice until the last comment. I must encourage you to not give mental health advice that is not a professional evidence-based by your opinion alone. Depression can be rooted by multiple things and not necessarily solely through exercising.

Miss Anonymous, I hope you take care of your heart, healing, and your mental health well-being <3

[Opinion Owner]

@slayxme You're absolutely right. Ignoring my last comment will be SUPER helpful, whereas following that advice is obviously VERY risky.

[slayxme]

You’re missing the point, mental health disorders is not simply diagnosis by lack of exercise lol…… And how can you say many therapists don’t address exercising as one of the ways to cope? Yes. She can still choose to exercise to help with emotional, mental, and physical aspects throughout her weekly basis. But it’s not solely what’s causing her to have Depression.

[slayxme]

And it is risky to follow unprofessional mental health advices because it can potentially cause more harm than good. It’s better if someone consult with a proper mental health professional on what they’re struggling with if it impact their mental health.

[Opinion Owner]

@slayxme WTF? Where in there did I say ANYTHING about it being "solely" about a lack of exercise? Where did I say NOT to see a therapist? Oh right--I DIDN'T! In fact, I said the exact OPPOSITE of that.

[slayxme]

Well dang, I hit a nerve with this aggressive verbiage & already explained it. Sorry you can’t comprehend it. Good day :)

[Opinion Owner]

@slayxme Piss off. Go set up your bullshit strawman arguments with someone else. If you have a legit criticism of something I ACTUALLY SAID, then I'm more than happy to hear it. But yes--I do get annoyed when some douchebag shows up and tries to shove some bullshit words that I never said into my mouth so that she can argue with them.

[slayxme]

You’re simply misunderstanding. I would clarify but I also don’t have patience nor tolerate disrespectful language and bad attitudes over lack of understanding. gb dude.

[Opinion Owner]

@slayxme Re-read this again and tell me who is misunderstanding whom

[Asker]

@opinion owner I exercise everyday and that still hasn't helped my depression. Seeing a therapist I think will. So slayxme is right.

@slayxme thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate it!

[slayxme]

Your welcome miss anonymous, I’m glad you understood and it helps 🫶🏻 finding the right therapist and expressing what you’re looking for on what works for you in therapy is important. Hopefully you surround yourself with loved ones and do things that bring you joy ie nature, exercise, podcast, music, dancing, etc

[noohair]

Eventually you learn from your mistakes or the last mistake kills you.

[spartan55]

At least you realize what happened.

[Wise4myage]

Live and learn, right?

[Asker]

Right.

[Wise4myage]

Hugs.

[Asker]

Hugs.

[Woyboy]

Can't you find another f buddy

[Asker]

I can but he was so good.

[Woyboy]

Good in bed or good to you

[Asker]

Both