Would you quit a job because your boss talks to you disrespectfully?

[Anonymous]

[AI Opinion]

I wouldn’t quit immediately, but I also wouldn’t normalize disrespect.

What I usually coach people to do—and have done myself:

1. Clarify: Note specific incidents (date, words used, impact).
2. Address directly: Calmly say something like, “When you speak to me that way, it makes it hard to do my best work. I’d prefer we…”.
3. Test for change: Give it a few weeks.
4. Escalate: HR or their manager, if it continues.
5. Plan an exit: If patterns don’t change, quietly look for another role.

Your dignity is worth more than any job.

[abc3643]

Yes, I did.

In 1985 when I was working at my summer job. This was right after I got my BS in physics and was about to go to graduate school.

At the time, I was working for 7-Up which was in Melville NY then. My foreman was a douchebag to me. My shop steward - the union guy I'd go to to complain was like BFFs with the foreman and the shop steward was milquetoast anyway. So, one day in late July early in my shift, the foreman was giving me a lot of shit including insulting me out loud with all the other men hearing it. I was 22 and very fit and my anger built up so much from the shit the foreman was spewing at me that I would have loved to have killed him. I had an ersatz weapon on my too - a fire alarm glass breaker on a string. I so wanted to attack that asshole. But, I made so much money from overtime, that working 2 months in that job was better than working the whole summer the year before. So, instead of attacking the foreman and then getting charged with assault and battery and likely getting the shit beat out of my by the other guys who were his friends, I just left right then and there and drove home. I told them I was not going back under any circumstances. So, I went back upstate where my school and girlfriend were and I lived with her and her mother until I got a place to live near my school.

Also, in 2005, I worked for another company that I will call "Immigrant Control Systems" as it was founded by two immigrants from Ireland and a few of the people who worked in this small company were also Irish immigrants. I had a boss - 2 bosses really - who were assholes.

The immediate boss, "Gary", was an immigrant from India. I respected him, but he was 10 years younger than me and we did not see eye-to-eye on shit. He was respectful to a point with me, but I did not like working for him at all and part of it was hit tone with me. His wife also worked there, but she was fabulous. The other boss, "Larry", older than me, was the #2 guy in the company, Irish, and he rubbed quite a few people the wrong way. I knew even during the interview this was not going to be a good place for me nor a good job, but I was laid-off 2 years earlier from GE (where most of the people at ICS also had worked) and I needed the job. In the metro area I lived ("Capital District NY") there aren't a lot of jobs for people like me.

I hated the job pretty much right away but I kept an open mind. It was practically an abysmal experience though. The only reason I didn't quit is because I needed the job. Being unemployed for 2 years (long after unemployment ran out) and my wife not having a very well paying job made things tough.

However, it was clear that "Larry" was a difficult guy. I was shocked when an older gentleman suddenly quit and I asked him if he had a new job to go to. He didn't but he left because he was fed up with "Larry" too.

Fortunately, ICS laid me off after 5 months because I wasn't working out. I was given my 2-week notice by "Larry" on F 15 JUL so my last day is going to be F 29 JUL just before I had worked there for 6 months. Frankly, while I was worried about $ being unemployed again, I was happy to no longer work for that looney bin. My wife and I carpooled (having only one car) and, I gotta tell you, I was nauseous each morning on my way to work because of that place.

Well, those last two weeks, I still went to work and wasn't an asshole about it. Now, here's the fun part... "Gary" was still my boss that first of the last two weeks, but he was going on vacation with his wife the next week - my last week. So, I would be free from this asshole my last week! Even better... It's Friday, 22 JUL. It's late in the day and "Gary" is going to go on vacation for a week or two. He's hassling me making me feel like shit with his wife there watching. But he's talking about what I will be doing. And, LO AND BEHOLD, it becomes immediately apparent that he had no idea that I was being let go! Internally, listening to his shit as it goes in one ear and out the other, I am smiling as if I had just gotten the greatest blow job of my life. He doesn't fucking know. I nod, take the abuse, and I just don't fucking care because I am about to be gone!

I will say this. They did have some class because it was apparently that my impending dismissal was not well known and they did give me 2 weeks; many companies don't bother with that now. That last week was quite as "Gary" was gone. I didn't have much to do and just cleaned up my stuff as a responsible employee no different than as if I was leaving because I was terminally ill. "Larry" didn't bother with me. My coworker Paul, who was a bit of a hyper-Catholic cult leader, didn't bother much with me. I think he was on vacation too. One or two nice guys chatted with me, but they didn't know either. On my last day, I was the last person out of the building depositing my security key on my desk before I left. I could have been a douche, but I wasn't. One minor thing that hurt was that the #1 guy, "Patty", the Irish immigrant who founded ICS with "Larry", never said a thing to me in terms of a goodbye. At least "Larry" was nice about it when he gave me my two weeks notice.

Of course, once I was gone, they still needed somebody. I checked the want ads. Yup, they advertised for my old job, but, this time, they changed the wording to avoid getting a guy like me again. I never had a job in the Capital District again though.

It all turned out well. I got unemployment again and, 4 months later, I got a new job in the industry that I've happily been in for almost 21 years.

Back to the original question...

Would I? At this point in life, no, because I need the work. My wife decided she wants to be retired, so we are fucked financially and I have to work until I die. HOWEVER, I have a good reputation in my industry and I am a contractor, so, if I had issues, I'd contact my handlers or headhunters and likely get a new job soon. So, in that case, I'd have the new job lined-up first, then quit.

[pass_the_celery98]

I would report it to HR, and have my boss be present and keep 💯 with them and say, “I am doing the best I can, I arrive on time to work, I work OT if needed, I help train others for free, I do my job, show some respect because we’re all human beings”. If my boss keeps being toxic, I would record convos and file a human rights complaint to sue the company and essentially quit and inform HR why. Regardless of whether I win and get compensation depends how long you’ve worked with the company and how bad these intersections were. But in the long run, no I wouldn’t stay somewhere where I felt disrespected.

[Levin]

Too many variables there.

I'm teetering on quitting my job.

There's a whole context of situation there though, and I can live without the money (for the moment).

How desperate are you for the money.

How reformable and bad is the situation.

How easily can you get another job.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't quit immediately, especially if I depended on the job to pay my bills. But I also wouldn't keep tolerating disrespect just because someone is my boss. I believe you can correct someone or give them feedback without humiliating them.

I'd probably try to address it first, but if it became a pattern and nothing changed, I'd start looking for another job. My peace of mind and self respect matter too much to stay somewhere I'm constantly being belittled. A paycheck is important, but so is being treated like a human being. 💕

[desidoll]

I think it depends on my financial being and the level of disrespect he shows me. I had a couple of bosses like that in the past. I stayed for many years because in most Asian countries, it is a common dynamic between the employers and their staffs.

[Anonymous]

Nope. You have to remember most bosses are like children they know what they think they want and that's all they know. Do you reason with a child? If you can. But most the time you can't. Most the time you just got to wait them out, let them throw their little tantrum, then just go back to work.

[slatyb]

I might look for a transfer within the company. I might take notes and talk to HR before leaving. Some companies take it seriously, some just cover their ass.

[KostasKouvalis]

I kind of did. I mean, I sort of got myself fired. I wouldn't say he was necessarily "disrespectful", but he was extremely hypocritical and biased against me, and I have no respect for people like that

[exitseven]

Not if thsat was the only thing I did not like. I would just tune him out and figure out how I will fix his wagon once I decide to leave.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, jobs are too easy to find to be putting up with that bullshit.

[lilBigPotato]

If it's a daily thing it could make me wanna change yes.

[blackeagle007]

After he demoted me and plays favorites, I ended up leaving. He’s the worst person in the world.

[In_Trance]

What did you do to make your boss talk to you that way?

[BlackFalcon03]

Got fired once for punching a disrespectful boss

[Anonymous]

I almost got into a fist fight with 1 and almost killed another 2 separate jobs decades ago

[Pterodon]

Well I’ve quit for less.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Probably

[Anonymous]

Maybe