Do vampires pee? if they do, are they cold?

[hippio]

• i know that's a lame question for this site, but wanted some funny opinion. if you are not okay with this, then please ignore.

[NamerOfStars]

It's funny you should ask. I've actually been reading through the four stories that shape the vampire as they're seen in modern culture today:

-Polidori's Vampyre, from 1819

-Carmilla, from 1872

-Dracula, from 1897, and

-Varney the Vampire, from 1842.

Dracula's the best of the four; there's a REASON it took off like it did, and it's a fascinating slow burn that actually takes advantage of the slow-start aspects of Victorian-era literature, but the others are worth a look, too.

I mention Varney last, partially because it's the one few people have heard of (and fewer read, because it's longer than War and Peace), and partially because it has some interesting characteristics the other three lack. Varney himself is not only more sympathetic a figure than the others, but has some aspects that I've never seen outside of the book: while he's physically stronger than a human, he's not tremendously so, and needs to breath and sleep like a mortal. He can also be readily, almost easily killed with mortal weapons- he gets shot and dies about twenty pages in. But a Varneyian vampire can, if directly exposed to moonlight, revive, returning to their state of undeath. He at one point states (after fighting and killing another vampire) that there's a limit to that; if decomposition is far enough along, it won't work, but he also tells so many lies that it's hard to know what the truth is- if he even knows it. The book is not particularly well-written in that regard; the early parts, where it's not clear whether he is, in fact, a vampire, or just a human pretending to be one to achieve his goals is the best part, but after the central plot is resolved, there's still about half the book to go.

Let's say you're a vampire, and your latest feeding didn't go as planned. You were interrupted and had to flee, bad enough, but it also didn't go unnoticed; the hue and cry went up around the town, and now an angry mob of peasants is marching out to burn your house down and kill you. What do you do? Carmilla would've charmed her way out of it, Ruthven beguiled, and Dracula simply killed them all, but Varney? Varney runs.

[JacobJordan]

Honestly depends on which lore. In some lore they are entirely undead with no functional organs so no they wouldn't pee. In others while they are undead drinking blood causes their bodies to function almost entirely human so they would in theory pee likely the same as a human

[Anonymous]

I would think so. Vampires are no longer living. They're the undead which means they no longer have functioning kidneys. But that poses and interesting question. What happens to the blood they suck for sustenance? I mean if they're not living they're not processing anything. Maybe the blood somehow gets absorbed by their body. You can't really do a medical study on a fictional creature so I guess we can make up any answer or reasoning we want here.

[Opinion Owner]

Wouldn't think so*

[Berethor]

They don't pee, all their body fluids are blood, meaning that they cry blood, they magical undead, yes they are cold, they dead, anyway vampires are not scientific beings.

[TheSpaceGnome]

They don't pee, they just fart out all the urea and ammonia, but if they eat garlic they can't fart anymore, and thet just die from ammonia and urea poisoning.

[exitseven]

they do not pee. They don't have erections either.

[Anonymous]

Plot twist, vampires cannot pee, but the new bloods always try, and panic when they find themselves unable to pee

[Anonymous]

as a vampire hunter, I can confirm that they do in fact pee, and this is probably the best time to catch them off guard. They tend to struggle a bit because they're not very big. They're hung like a bat, after all. 🤣

[AydenHazor]

They absolutely owe, they're on a strictly liquid diet so they need to urinate frequently. And they are always cold, except for right after a feeding

[Joker_]

they pee in their mouth, they invoke warmth by circulating the pee back into their system

[Anonymous]

I think vampires (mythologically) struggle with body heat so I'd imagine their urine is pretty cold, yeah.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I'll ask next time I run into her.

[NathanDavis]

we do not pee...

[ChicoFromThe305]

They probably pee blaad

[Andres77]

Room temperature