Why do I keep failing at everything?

[SeanshterMonster]

Everything I ever do I'm bad at. I always fail at every single thing no matter how much time I put into it. I can't draw, paint, sculpt, 3d Model, read/write. I'm terrible at playing video games, I'm terrible at cooking. I can't go 5 seconds without constantly forgetting somthing and doing everything half way before getting distracted. It's cost me a lot of jobs. I've had 14 jobs in the past 4.5 years. I can't rockclimbing, snow board, skate. I can't ever get good at pottery, or blacksmithing. I'm trying Every single thing that has to do with making things cause I have all these ideas rushing though my head of what i want to paint, draw, model, sculpt, write about. I have all these ideas just rushing and spilling out but it keeps spilling out like crap and I don't know what to do. I've easily spent thousands of hours in many of these and yet im still a failure and never good enough. I get so frustrated I self sabotage myself and anything I see as my failure. I fail friends, I've failed my family and they have made sure I remember that. I'm going into welding, hoping I don't fail at this too.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, sounds like you really hate yourself and enjoy sabotaging your own life.


First of all, failure is normal. No one is perfect at anything and there will always be someone who is better than you at something, and there will always be someone better than them too. Failure is expected, what’s not expected is kicking yourself into the dirt for it like you didn’t shove your face into the mud out of shame. You can’t learn how to get better if you don’t fail, you can’t improve if you don’t suck. That’s just how learning works.


Secondly, you’re tying waaaay too much of your self value to what you can’t do. Yeah it sounds like you’ve had a rough go of it for the last few years, and you’re allowed a little time to grieve and be upset about it, but you’re also assuming you’re entirely at fault. That’s most likely not the case despite your brain saying it is. And if it is indeed the case and I’m wrong in saying it isn’t, then you’re just wallowing in your sadness and shame, throwing a constant pity party for yourself instead of finding reasons to be hopeful and optimistic. Maybe this new job will be exactly what works, maybe it’ll finally be a good fit. Don’t go saying shit like “I hope I don’t fuck this up too” because that mindset of predicting your own failures just turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s the negative power of the placebo effect, because you believe you will somehow make it worse that’s exactly what happens. It won’t kill you to attempt some optimism instead of drowning in your misery your whole life.

[SeanshterMonster]

I try to be optimistic about doing things but the moment things aren't going the way I need it too it causes me to be filled with rage against myself. Then I get destructive with whatever I'm doing and even punching myself cause I'm so pissed off. I don't mean to do it and yes I hate myself. I don't want to sabotage myself but how am I supose to like myself if I can't do anything right.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Damn dude, if you’re physically punishing yourself you really need therapy

[SeanshterMonster]

I think that would be best. I just have to figure out how to get that. Maybe I should start with a gp or something

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

You sound like me when it comes to things I create like drawing and writing. I have a perfectionist complex. I get frustrated if I'm not good at something immediately and want to quit. I degrade my work or trash it. Thing is, it takes time and practice to get good at one of those things and I mean years of practice. You just have to keep doing it and learning from your mistakes.

[SeanshterMonster]

But I don't have years. You never know when you'll die so I have to get better asap

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

You can't let that mindset stop you. If you die, you die. If you need to get better ASAP then do more drawings per day

[AviatorTom]

Stop trying to be good at everything. Pick one thing and learn to be good at it. Preferably, pick something easy. When you are good at that, pick something else you'd like to be good at. And then repeat with something else. But don't overdo it.

Studies show that most people are good at only a handful of things, while they are bad at a huge list of things.

[SeanshterMonster]

It could take several years to get good at somthing and I can't just do one things for that long. Eventually it'll get boring or my attention will go to somthing else. Even then, I've tried that and I was no better than I was day 1

[Anonymous]

Try doing fewer things. But then actually DO them.

[SeanshterMonster]

That doesn't make sense. Doing them and actually doing them is still doing them?

[Opinion Owner]

Do FEWER things. But the things you actually select, you need to DO. Right now it sounds like you're "doing" far too many things and getting none of them done successfully.

[mandyfire98]

This sounds like ADHD. I have it and have some of the same issues as far as my mind being flooded with so many different things and not being able to stay on task.

[SeanshterMonster]

Is it expensive to get help with those things

[mandyfire98]

It doesn't have to be. There are ways financially to take care of it.

[IslaTheWitch]

try to ask a specialist for help... it could be ADHD, attention deficit...

[SeanshterMonster]

I just don't know who. Setting an appointment with a GP is so freaking hard

[IslaTheWitch]

a psychiatrist

[IslaTheWitch]

and a psychologist...

[SeanshterMonster]

Don't I have to go though a GP to get a psychiatrist, or psychologist?

[gorydetails]

Are you mentally ok?

[SeanshterMonster]

Definitely not. But there's always someone who has it worse so whatever. I just want to be good at something. Maybe even make money from it so I wouldn't have to live with my parents and continue to be a burden and disappointment

[gorydetails]

At 23 you're trying to do everything. There's no way to get good at all the things you listed at your age. If you have a passion about cooking, start over. You can read, you can follow a recipe, then you can cook. Watch Alton Brown, and look at the website seriouseats. com

[lightbulb27]

If i…

[SeanshterMonster]

If I what?

[lightbulb27]

placeholder... if I tried to draw I'd be bad as well, just not my skill. I learned to be ok at many things, not great at any. everything I tried I had to work hard at. others I know were naturals at some things. Its just your brain, hertiage, traumas, emotion, skills.
you may be better at praying for people, healing... spiritual gifts. Comfort, compassion, empathy, enagement... nursing, caregiving.
I take pleasure in simple things... mowing the lawn... I see my work. Same with cleaning, I clean something, I see the progress.
I was good or ok at ocmputers programming, communicating to various groups. I can do various sports, but I'll never feed myself playing volleyball or basketball.
You need to reset the goals/sights to you and your progress, not measured byothers. Andy Warhols "art" was crap to me, but others paid milliions for it and he was famous. Go figure.
Everyone is different. Maybe your talent is eeing the talent in others... a talent scout, promoter... janitor... no shame there... some are very successful.
A negative mind though as you write... that is part of the problem. End the negativity and heal the inner heart else your mind won't work right.

If you can't do anything right... then make your bed when you get up. you got one thing done right!. Water the potted plants or do so for someone else... and get paid. Walk a dog.. and get paid.