What it's Like Growing Up With Three Narcissists

[Anonymous]

This is about my own experience, someone else's experience can be completely different. There are different types of narcissist's and they don't have to be the same.

1. They are there for you when it comes to stuff but not there for you emotionally.

My dad and my sister usually ignores me or laugh at me if I'm hurt and my mom talks about it all the time and tries to use it against me until it drives me crazy. For example if someone in school is mean to me, according to them I'm either overreacting or it is my fault.

2. Blaming stuff on you

They can never be wrong. So a lot of times it's your fault. My family members always finds excuses for their behaviors. My mom used to tell me to apologize to the people who bullied me because I deserved it.

3. There is no bond

You know that thing where you can go and talk about almost anything with your parents? That bond you see a lot of friends have and on TV have with their parents? Well, that doesn't exist here. If you tell them a problem you have they will make it worse or blame you for everything.

4. They lie and manipulate

They will make up both unnecessary lies for fun and manipulate people for fun or to gain something. My mom gaslights a lot. (Gaslight=manipulate, fucking with your head leaving you confused). My dad mostly ignores me but they all do that stuff pretty often.

5. They don't show normal remorse

Let's say you fall and get hurt or you are in the hospital for something serious, they don't really care. If someone dies they usually smile. They don't care if you die and they let you know nobody does. They also love to see people in pain and they will abuse you.

6. They act nice

They will never be nice to you for NO reason, it's always to gain something. But they can also be nice of course, they are really good at being nice when it comes to giving stuff but never emotionally.

7. They will talk shit about you

They will talk shit about you and make up stuff so you look bad and the same with your friends because they want you to argue.

These are my experiences, can you relate?

[Idonthaveausername]

I agree with everything you wrote! My father is a narcissist and he was always argumentative, manipulative, and trying to gaslight my me and my sisters. Nobody in my family can stand to live with him because he's such an ass

He would buy gifts and then break them, but act like we should be grateful he bought them in the first place. One time he got so mad he broke the handle off the fridge and blamed my sister and I for making him mad by not storing the leftover pizza in plastic bags. Narcissists don't accept their own actions and blame everything on other people

One thing I'd add to your excellent Take is how jealous they get. My father got so jealous of a painting I brought home from school for break that he tried to rip it apart. And I used to be friends with a narcissist, but she always got crazy jealous when I hung out with other people that she stole one of my friends that she used to make fun of all the time and tried to get my (ex) boyfriend to cheat on me with her. I think the jealousy of narcissists is what drives them to be so vicious and vindictive a lot of the time

[myTake Owner]

I hope it gets better for you. Having a narcistic family is not fun. And I keep questioning myself is they really care but obviously they don't.

That's a great one I forgot that one. My mom always buys the same thing I do and it's always this weird competition. My sister has always had the girly style and I Street style. They have Always told me you can't wear that and my mom used to tell me I'm not giving you clothes if you are gonna be like that you should dress like your sister. And not when my sister from no where buys Street clothes it's okay for me too. And when she buys it she Always asks me "do you like my new clothes because you said you liked it in the store?" It's so weird.

[Idonthaveausername]

Thank you, but it has gone much better since I removed myself from the situation. I haven't spoken to my father in over 5 years because it's impossible to be around him. He got extremely upset and aggressive when I left, threatened to fly across the country after me and show up on my aunt and uncle's doorstep, and tried to turn my best friend against me to the point where her dad had to step in and tell him to stop. Leaving a narcissist is just as hard as living with them. Hopefully you'll have the courage to live your own life someday too

That's really weird. It's like they're deciding what they want based on a jealous desire of what you have

My dad would give me some cash to go shopping with my friends, but then blame me for spending all his money and making him poor (he was self-employed so he chose how much he wanted to make). Oh and he bought me a scale for my 18th birthday, but I'm not even fat...

[myTake Owner]

A scale? That's so rude. And yeah I really wanna leave but a part of me likes their masks because they are still family but not the nicest. I know my sister lacks empathy she did a big test and got -60 and 0 is normal. My mom and my dad has to lack empathy they show all the signs to be narcistic. I just keep questioning it.

[Idonthaveausername]

At your age, it's extremely difficult because you can't really leave until you have the means and right now your mother still has legal control over you. But there are things you can focus on to help yourself once you do turn 18 and are a legal adult. Figure out what the best way to deal with them is and remind yourself that they're not going to understand how they make you feel, and they wouldn't take responsibility for it anyway

When I was your age, I spent a lot of time at my friends house or downtown if I couldn't stay late at school

Focus on school and getting a job so you can build work ethic and experience. Once you save up enough money and graduate, you can afford a cheap studio apartment. Once you're removed from the constant pressure they put on you, it will be much easier to maintain a relationship with them while still maintaining your own mental health and sense of identity. The less time you spend around them, the less they'll be able to affect you

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou for the tips! I am saying money and I am really focusing on school so I can move as soon as possible. :)

[Idonthaveausername]

You're welcome. Its It's not east living with people who are mentally ill, especially if they refuse to admit it. I always tell people that life starts once you turn 18 and are able to make decisions and live for yourself

But it does sound like your mother and sister do love you. I think you will be able to have a decent adult relationship with them once you get your own life started and focus on yourself. They will always say and do things to upset you, but they will still be there for you when you really need it

It's hard to live on your own at 18, and I lived my aunt until I turned 20 and was able to fully support myself, but it's doable if you make smart decisions. Pay your bills first and try to find a job and apartment close to each other to save gas and car insurance. Roommates can be a good option, but aren't necessary. Shop at discount grocery stores and budget, budget, budget

I saved up $4,000 when I first moved into my own place and had no problem securing a deposit

[myTake Owner]

My mom and my sister doesn't love me at all. My mom kicked me outsider when I was sick and threw a chair on my face she calls me bad names and she has abused me for years and if I get hurt they all just laugh at me they don't care at all. But my mom can still say the words "I love you" but she doesn't mean it. I don't think they love me. But maybe they do even if they show the opposite.

Yes great idéa! I Will save up more money

[Idonthaveausername]

Oh that's terrible! My dad used to kick me out all the time. He broke my computer by slamming it in top of my head and then blamed me for it

I wish you the best of luck in getting away from them. Just remember it's not your fault. And if she says she loves you then she does, she just doesn't understand how to show it properly

Things will get worse before they get better, but they will better if you want them to and if you try to make them better. You can't control your mother, but you can control how you let her affect you

[myTake Owner]

No thats not really true. Often narcist say Nice things because they want something. She gaslights a lot. When someone says they love you and then abuse you and fucks with your head they don't love you. She puts on her mask when she does that. Thats what I meant with number 6 they act Nice when they want something. They never act Nice for no reason.

And thankyou.

[Idonthaveausername]

Well my dad wouldn't even tell me he loved me. He actually told me he hated me. He told me everyday that I needed to change or he would run off and sell the house and I wouldn't know until the bank came to take the house... so if she tells you she loves you, then deep down, maybe very deep down, where you can't really see it she does care about you

I do get the acting nice when they want something. There's not really anything you can do for that. If you don't give them what they want, then they'll get angry, and it's your choice whether you want to give in to prevent that anger

[myTake Owner]

Many psychologest knows about that. It's their mask they act Nice when they need something. It's the same with psychopaths.

And didn't you see him wear a mask ever? To anyone? Did he gaslight (manipulate) a lot?

[Idonthaveausername]

Yes he acted completely different in public than at home. The night I left, I ran into some women who knew him and they kept going on about how funny he was, but all I could think about was what he would do if he found out I was leaving. But people who were close or knew him well caught on. He "joked" about giving me away and constantly joked about "That's like asking if you've stopped beating your children yet." Living with him is absolutely impossible and he was an alcoholic on top of it all

But my mother was just as bad. She's a paranoid schizophrenic. She gave up custody of me to my dad in high school. He threatened everyday to send me back to her

I'm glad I left. If I had stayed, one or both of us would be dead or in prison. My sister complete shut down while living with him. Luckily she got out earlier than me, but she didn't handle it as well as me. I'm very independent and strong-willed, so I've been able to handle things pretty well since then

[myTake Owner]

That must be hard. Well I'm the Black cheap in this family and my sister is the opposite. Most of the Times they are just evil but if they want something they put on the mask because they gaslight
They can't gaslight without the mask.

Have they ever gaslighted you?

[Idonthaveausername]

Yeah. My dad used to intentionally gaslight me. I didn't realize it at the time, but my ex did too. My memory is excellent and I work on logic puzzles often to keep my brain "in shape" so I always can remember what really happened. Sometimes it helps to write things down so you can refer to then later

[myTake Owner]

Okay well when they gaslight you they need to wear the mask and act nicer right. And when they have what they wanted they abuse you again. Thats how it works

[errorgoodnameunfound]

... ok... Your username... errr... "non username" username... uh... and mine... interesting... I even checked... and you came onto this site EXACTLY 1 day after me... 0.0 Great minds think alike? heheheh... 2. Yah narcissism sucks. My way to fight it is with... narcissism is to out ego the narcissist. Make fun of them. Make em feel uncomfortable. Manipulate them harder. Fool them into friendship. Betray them. Act sadistic on them when they're down. Yup. Fire with fire, just how I like it :)

[myTake Owner]

@errorgoodnameunfound thankyou for your tips. But I dont think hate can kill hate. I don't wanna hurt my family even tho they hurted me I just wanna take a break from them at least. Maybe even leave forever.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

I know. Many people that can be called narcissists are also not FULL OUT narcissists. I'd say it's hard to achieve that level. So my ways can't apply AS much. I'm still curious to see what this "idonthaveausername" gal thinks. Im happy to find somebody else who ALSO thinks usernames are hard to come by as off topic as that is

[myTake Owner]

@errorgoodnameunfound so is that a yes or a no? You can Think whatever you want it's Free speach

[Idonthaveausername]

@errorgoodnameunfound
There is no way to fool nor help a narcissist. You will never change them because they don't think anything is wrong with them. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to minimize or cut out contact altogether

No most people aren't full-blown narcissists. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is much more common, but these people aren't much easier to deal with

[Anonymous]

Not sure if you feel this way but living with narcissistic people feels like hell.
I will say I can relate to these points although my father and his wife are sweet as can be to me and to others but their actions and the way they think makes me believe their narcissistic people. They're very manipulative too. I once broke down because I had these girls younger than me calling me harsh words at school, all my father said was "get over it, imagine how the Jews felt" but yet he'd come to me with his problems and I had to listen. Or how when I told him I was depressed and needed help, he didn't care and would say labeling people as depressed is dumb, then 2 weeks later he tells me he's depressed, having a break down and comes to tell me about it but then the very next day he's perfectly fine and has no problems. He's made lies up hoping to scare me so that I wouldn't do something he didn't want me to do. My whole family, even my dads side know my dad to be a narcissistic asshole.

[myTake Owner]

Yes it is really hell. I'm sorry you had to go through that

[winterfox10]

Very relatable! Here's my family dynamic:
Dad: falsely humble white knight, total Savior Complex. Needs people to see his value, but fails to relate on an emotional level so he tries to create economic dependence.
Mom: Martyr Complex, insecure, highly manipulative, emotional train wreck but well intentioned.
Older Brother: Profoundly narcissistic, absolutely cuts into you at every opportunity, and genuinely believes he knows best. If you can't see that, it's your problem.
Younger Sister: a bit of an ice queen, doesn't need validation but likes it. Extremely insensitive, but she is well intentioned, like my Mom.

[myTake Owner]

I'm sorry your family is like that.

[winterfox10]

Meh, every family has problems. They are who and what they are.

[myTake Owner]

Yes but not every family grows up with abuse. Most people have a loving family but ofcorse there are people who has it worse

[Pejtu]

Literally describe myself in few words super honestly im 24 male central EU in a relationship for 6 months

handsome , tall , good looking , psychopath traits , narcisstic , perfect manipulator, smooth talker , intelligent , unable to feel stress , lack of empathy , i bullied few people in the past girls and guys ( yes im not an angel i know ) , perfect liar ( only when i have to ) , brutally honest , problems with trusting other people , very sceptic about somebody intentions ,

I could probably do a lot more but its all i can think of now

[myTake Owner]

Intressting I never thought someone with those traits would be honest about it

[Pejtu]

I am not afraid to admit that , i am / i was this way nothing more to say

[myTake Owner]

That's Good.
If you don't mind me asking. How did you react when you found out?

[Pejtu]

Its just the way i am i never found it out , its been always like this , there is nothing i can change , im trying not to be the way i was especially now when my girlfriend accepts me this way and she loves me so much she can't describe it and i feel the same way about her

Im not an angel , but im not the devil itself , i can show emotions , i can love , cry , and understand , i also got feelings but i cannot feel them as much as the other people probably
I had problems in the past with myself ( too long to tell )
that is it... and the story continues...

[myTake Owner]

Okay well you sound more like a narcissist than a sociopath or a psychopath. And it's Good you are trying to be Nice to your girlfriend

[Pejtu]

I said i got psychopathic traits - it does not mean i am one ;)

[myTake Owner]

I know lol

[myTake Owner]

You should do a mytake about it if you haven't already

[Pejtu]

Probably not , people like me they know they are this way

[myTake Owner]

Yes but People who aren't would problaby be intressted in the way a person like you are yourself not from psychologests perspectives but your own. But its up to you, you don't have to

[Pejtu]

I think about it meaby i will do it some day :)
What would u like to hear in something like this?

[myTake Owner]

That's Nice😊
I would like to hear what you think of psychologests view on how narcissist works. Do you agree, what do you agree on. What you think is Good about it and bad (if you think there are any bad). How often do you lie/manipulate, when did you start, why did you start? Do You regnet anything, Do You wear a "mask"? How does your mask work? Do You ever preper to manipulate someone do you work on your mask sometimes?
Can you give example on how you manipulated people to gain something or lied.

There are a lot of questions you don't have to answer all and not any either but if you do could you link it to me here so I can read it?😊👌 it would be really intressting!

[Pejtu]

I can answear ur one question from those for now :)
Yes i got a " mask " even i got few of them - im different person when im in between my friends / hand out with them , im different when im with my family , im diferent when im with my girlfriend , im different in every situaction.
Its called being easy adaptable to the situation , enviorment i am im at that current moment
thats how it works for me i think , only my girlfriend saw every mask of me as a person , nobody else did , that's how it works for me :)

Manipulating - its not very hard , it depends on the person i interract with / talk with i always got something in my mind ( will this person will be usefull to me in any kind of way ) ?

In this kind of way it works for me and next thing is , im super charming , charismatic , its easy for other people to believe wha i say , even if i speak about something that is totally ridiculous :D
I can tell you an absurd lie and u will believe it probably after talking to me for like 20 min

[myTake Owner]

That's really intressting. Thankyou for your answer!😊
Do you think that way with your girlfriend too?

[errorgoodnameunfound]

I could give argument that although on the narcissistic side, you are not one 100%. 3 reasons. 1. You revealed it to all openly, it shows possibility to be honest and gives opportunity for a worse narcissist to target you and one up themselves. Many of them would never openly admit that about themselves, as it risks ruining their image. 2. You don't see bullying as too good. 3. You don't seem to necessarily see narcissism as THAT good a trait.

[Pejtu]

@errorgoodnameunfound
Meaby i am meaby im not , i just feel this way :)

[errorgoodnameunfound]

I'd argue you'd have partial traits but nothing too serious. It's a good thing actually. I have much doubts your writings/responses would be different and you'd be anonymous if your were full narcissist. Ofc, I haven't seen your other masks, but just judging from what I know. I am a empath at least partially, but I use it to an advantage in similar ways that you stated, such as attempting manipulation and being a bit of a sneak at times.

[Pejtu]

no i dont think about my girlfriend this way <3

[myTake Owner]

You mean you Think I lack empathy because I'm Anonymous and answer like this or that I don't lack empathy?

[myTake Owner]

@Pejtu that's really sweet😊

[NatashaJ]

I think my ex is one is one sign, someone, a narcissist is that they constantly have to have your attention? he always messaging me on bday after we broke up I don't talk to him anymore. He finally stops after I found a message from his current wife pretending to be him and cussing me out. I think they both set it up on purpose to emotionally harm me. I wasn't showing I was weak I told them both off and said if they contacting me ever again I save every message and go to police complain and go after them for harassment (his wife is a cop and he trying to be one) I think they stop because they know I complain and the police department will see they abusing the power of being a cop to harass people.

[Anonymous]

in my opinion, the only way to deal with a narcissist is listen and observe VERY carefully at everything they do. Get inside their head. Learn their likely reactions. Figure out what will actually make them feel bad if at all and any at all proof of them trying to harm that could lead to them being jailed or executed, put any and all effort into it. There's only so many people in the world that have an absolute level of narcissism, meaning about 90% of people have some sort of emotional weakness. Trojan horse into their head by being as manipulative and fake as possible. I rule it as moral to hurt them in any way even if they're a family member and it comes to lying. It takes patience and precise planning to tear apart a narcissist. But one day, I dream of a world where they are all slaughtered.

[myTake Owner]

I understand you feel like that and you have every right to be mad. But I dont think we who aren't professionals can help them because the more you blame them for their own actions the thicker the mask gets. I Think therapy would be good but the problem is they don't Think they need help.
But what you say in onserving what they are saying is a great idéa thankyou!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks. It's not exactly anger. It's straight up bunt opinion. Im referring to serious narcissists that are often combined with a sense of anarchy and sadism is those that I wish slaughtered. The ones who lean that way but can change? I'm fair. I'd give a chance. Under a watchful eye of course. Not only because I'm fair, but economically, every human takes up the earth's limited resources the minute it starts forming inside a stomach. If they do bad for 30 years, but can flip and do good for 60 and fully make up for it, then fine. Less resources wasted anyways. I am against senseless killing for good reasons. Not only cause of being immoral, but that it can also be thought of in an economic and environmental sense. The latter is actually a tool of negotiating with saidsts and narcissists in my opinion by the way. They can't see morality... but they can see economics. Especially the deaths = money wasted argument. This I feel is an EXCELLENT way to fool them into being better people at least slightly.

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou! For the tip you seam to know a lot. And yes sadism is awful

[NatashaJ]

Actually, that's a horrible idea the best way to deal with narcissists is ignoring them and not giving them attention at all they crave any kind of attention. www.aconsciousrethink.com/.../

[Opinion Owner]

@NatashaJ That CAN work, but not everybody is going to know to do that. That's only protecting yourself temporarily and not others at all. It takes skill, but if somebody can manipulate them well enough, why not go for it? Why shouldn't you abuse abusers? If somebody murders your sisters, is it not just to murder him? Due to laws, that can't exactly happen, but ways around it make it more of a pain for them to stay alive if pushed hard enough. Why not go with it? If they aren't stopped, they'll only multiply.

[Eryxx]

Yeah I can relate. A couple of ex friends of mine were narcissists. It's one of the reasons I have trust issues. You never really know who's who.

[myTake Owner]

True

[Paris13]

Beautifully Done, hun.
Relate? Yes, Nowadays: Mom, Dad and My Middle Sibling. This about Covers Them. xx

[myTake Owner]

Damn that's awful you are kinda in the same situation as mine.

And thanks for the compliment

[LOVEISBLINDER]

Its environment that creates it and you will know they are narccistic if you have ever felt like your the family scapegoat. Especially if your an empath.

[myTake Owner]

Yup I know they are

[Anonymous]

As someone with a narcissistic mother, #4 could not be truer. Like holy crap, she can make up stories out of thin air and when I confront her on it, apparently then my memory is bad, or the thing she made up was that I was now in a cult and being brainwashed so I couldn't remember the truth... There are so many dozens of messed up things she has done, it sucks and I'm sorry you need to deal with it too.

[myTake Owner]

I know it's awful. I'm sorry you have to go through it too. Hopefully you it will get better. I don't know if I ever will get over it completly but I know if I ever get Children i will love them and support them to death. I would never do what my my mom did and does to me.

[Anonymous]

You must be a very strong person to be able to cope with all of that and still being sane. I respect you a lot for that.👌

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou❤

[Toldol2]

And they feel deeply sad and off-balanced.
If they knew how to be different, they would be it. Nothing worst in life than having an unclear vision of yourself.
You dont argue with them when you truly seek for peace. Good luck

[myTake Owner]

Its more complicated than that but some of the stuff you said is true. They are hurt but they don't Think they need help

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou for the tip!

[Lightning8]

My sis is one but with distance I respect her a lot. So I fell for my ex because she reminded me of "home" i. e. my sister and umm, this is list is pretty much on the money. Lowest I'd ever felt in my life

[azzntittiz]

I went through the same thing, pretty much my whole family. I want to feel bad for them but they feel nothing so it's okay, they can all die in a fire for all I care.

[myTake Owner]

I get it I also feel like that but also like it's my family I'm supposed to care but they don't give a fuck so it's like confusing😑

[azzntittiz]

You are not required to care about things like that, they are not people, simply entities of the dark world.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I guess so

[passinby]

This will make you into a genuine person with this view of it.

[passinby]

Yes I can relate and your list is a good one.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks a lot!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like most of my freinds. It is a hard thing to live with knowing your the only one who actually gives a hoot and listens to others. But then you get used and abused for it. So gotta find a balance and take time for myself.

[Reggieray]

Get actual friends...

[myTake Owner]

@Reggieray you should find some other friends

[Reggieray]

You'll find that with "friends," at least, you can weed people like this out of your life. You know what to look for, so that will ultimately help you.

[GayHowellMeme]

It seems very unlikely to have three family members as narcissists. Why did they become narcissists but not you? Is it a genetic defect or caused by childhood?

[myTake Owner]

Well I don't Think all of them are just narcistic I Think some of them are sociopathic and one of them psychopathic. But you become a narcissist from traumas and I have also been through traumas but I don't lack empathy. So there would problaby be a bigger risk I would have but I don't

[GayHowellMeme]

Okay, what was in the trauma they went trough?

[myTake Owner]

I Think they should say that not me but I know my dad and my sister have been through trauma my mom I don't Think so

[Highsxhoolstudent15]

That’s ssooooo unlikely

[myTake Owner]

@Highsxhoolstudent15 yes it is

[Richareens]

I think my ex was one.

[Sabretooth]

my father is a narcissist

[myTake Owner]

I'm sorry to hear that

[Sabretooth]

thanks. it's incredibly annoying!

[myTake Owner]

Yup beleive me I know lol

[Sabretooth]

he can screw up and that's fine... i screw up and round we go. hell, my grandmother went crazy over me spilling diet coke on a rug her abusive and cheating ex bought her!

[myTake Owner]

Ouch that doesn't seam so Nice.

[Sabretooth]

i'm always the ass of ridiculousness and unfairness

[myTake Owner]

Me too it sucks.

[Sabretooth]

... you mean stinks?

[myTake Owner]

Lol well it's not a Good situation

[Sabretooth]

[Anonymous]

Interesting

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou!😊

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou!😊

[stormbreaker06]

that sounds like my wife.

[myTake Owner]

... damn😅😑

[Anonymous]

thats my dad and my cousins yeah.

[Anonymous]

the love of sin lol

your family is stupid