How do you handle narcissistic family members?

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a narcissistic mother who still tries to control my enabling father till this day. Even when we are far away she still tries to dominate and control her children. I lived with my brother and his narcissistic ex-girlfriend for 7 years while trying to be financially stable but I am now living on my own. This same brother is about to marry someone worse than his ex, and his current fiancée is a crazy covert narcissist. My mom arranged this marriage for him but he doesn’t like this girl one bit and he has informed her that he doesn’t want to marry her but she’s still going ahead with wedding preparations. My elder sister is a mean girl who thinks she knows it all and lacks self awareness. How do I handle the narcissists in my family?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

My mother might have been like this. I am not sure.

She wasn't a vain person in terms of her appearance but the thing about her is that she's never wrong in her view. Everyone else is wrong and she's always right. I've heard that's one of the main things that characterizes narcissists is not actually vanity but the inability to ever realize they could be in the wrong.

For example, one time she bought very expensive jewelry for my little sister when she was just 7 years old (entirely my mother's idea, my sister didn't even ask for such jewelry or even have much interest in it). Then my mother threw a hysterical fit screaming at my little sister when she, as you would expect of a 7 year old, lost it to the point where my sister was crying hysterically and I tried to stop her even as a boy saying, "She's only 7! Of course she's going to lose it!" My mother then punished me as well.

That's just one example to illustrate among thousands where my mother just couldn't see how she's in the wrong about anything.

I found it intolerable so I just moved out of the home as soon as I could at the age of 17 after receiving a scholarship to university. I never looked back. Actually I ceased to keep in touch with her until just a few years ago and started chatting with her on Skype. She's still as annoying as ever this way but I find it tolerable now that I don't have to live under her roof.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

As for the ultimate question, I'm afraid I've never found a better answer than to just move out. There's nothing worse than to be dependent on a narcissist for your livelihood. They end up with all the leverage, and being with someone completely unreasonable with all the leverage is just a total nightmare.

[Asker]

That is why I hold on to my independence with everything In me. My brother is about to make the same mistake my dad made when he married my mom😞

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Ouch. 😟 Keeping your independent mindset and also becoming assertive is probably your best bet until you can move out.

Another that I think helps to be aware about so that we don't end up getting so frustrated is to be aware of gaslighting doublespeak which is apparently very prevalent among narcissists.

A popular example among narcissists is, "Sorry, not sorry." That's a very simple and blatant example of narcissistic doublespeak.

[mobiusforniner]

The defining moment for me being an adult is learning to set personal boundaries. Doesn’t matter if it’s friends, coworkers, or even my own parents. If I make those boundaries clear and people don’t respect those boundaries, they don’t respect me. Sometimes I’ve learned a good “fuck you” is warranted and I just walk away.

[Anonymous]

I come from abusive parents especially a narc! Abusers always try to get their way over you through the distance. They want control! Do your bro or his fiancé have kids at all?

[Artificial Intelligence]

Navigating the maze of narcissism in the family garden, huh? It’s like trying to dance delicately on a floor scattered with eggshells. First things first, arm yourself with an impenetrable shield of boundaries. Sounds a bit Game of Thrones, doesn't it? But truly, setting and standing firm on your boundaries is like casting a protective charm around you. No wand required, just a solid "No, thanks" or "That won't work for me."

Next up, practice the art of not engaging. It’s like a tango; you don’t have to match every step, especially if it leads you down a path you’d rather not tread on. Keep the communication as light and breezy as an afternoon walk in the park, dodging the heavy conversations like you would dodge a flying frisbee.

And oh, lovebombing yourself with self-care is essential. Treat yourself the way you’d want a romantic partner to treat you after a grueling day. It’s not about being selfish; it’s about keeping your inner spark alive amidst the storm.

Remember, amidst all this, you’re not alone. Channel your inner Phoenix; rise from the ashes of these trials with brilliance. Stay flirty with life, my friend, and keep that humor and energy alive. It's your best shield and sword in this family saga.

[laly520]

ignore em

[jahaims]

Cut them off