Oddly Charming Traits That I've Encountered Narcissists Using

[estoydorado1]

Confidence (or more accurately arrogance):

Narcissists tend to consider themselves "beyond reproach". This means that they aren't as weighed down by guilt or social graces as the rest of us. They tend to do stuff that pushes boundaries or crosses lines and they have this impressive way of talking their way out of trouble. They're usually so unapologetic, that the rest of us wonder where WE went wrong.

I have to add that the few times I've pressured an apology from them, it was followed by passive-aggressive behaviors, or repetition of the actions they apologised for.

Hot & Cold:

They tend to be very intense and engaging. They're good at being your best friend in short bursts and becoming your frenemy or straight enemy when you no longer entertain them. They can make you feel loved one day and then treat you like a nuisance they can't stand the very next.

This illustration is a perfect depiction in my opinion. They low-key put themselves on pedestals but they only manage to get treated like "Gods" when they pretend to treat their fellow men/women as equals. At least most of the narcissists I've met understand this.

Sympathetic (they have this way of attracting our sympathy):

They're really good at making your struggle, their struggle or just completely trumping your hardships with their own. They usually use this tactic to keep other people out of their spotlight but it has the added bonus of attracting attention from other people who overhear.

A lot of times they'll exaggerate or completely lie to keep our sympathies. Just think about it.. How likely are we to dispute people who come out and share their hardships/traumas, and how much attention do we give to those in need? We're more likely to dote upon those who suffer the most.

Pessimistic (at least outwardly):

They're very good at casting doubt and gloominess upon other people & their ideas. Especially if they feel threatened by someone else's success or a lack of validation.

This tactic also helps them to maintain their "larger than life personas". They set themselves up for success/to impress us by making situations out to be impossible/unbearable and then effortlessly shrugging those situations off.

They tend to cast a lot of negativity and doubt upon the people around them. Sometimes they do it to themselves in an attempt to fish for compliments & to appear humbled.

[HOAAH]

I don't know... pointing at their flaws that doesn't help me... I need a way to help them help themselves become a better person so that I can be best friends with them. I feel like my sister and mom are narcissists. Everything revolves around them, and I was born to die for them and praise and worship them and do everything they want... and if I don't then they will call me names and put me down and tell me I'm an evil, hateful person and everyone hates me and wishes I was dead and they will tell everyone how evil and pathetic I am blah blah blah... just because I didn't buy them something with my money or spend enough money on them... SO GAY. So how do I turn that around so that they won't hurt me anymore? Because I feel attacked when they say that, and I don't want to have to feel like I have to defend myself.

[estoydorado1]

I'm not pointing out flaws, just tricks they use to gain attention. A main trait in narcissists is a complete lack of empathy, their main priority is their own happiness & fulfillment, which isn't necessarily a bad thing except for the fact that they can't empathise. This leads them to exploit, manipulate, and sabotage others if they think it'll please them. They can't understand boundaries the way that we do. Their understanding begins & ends with what they want/need.

I can't tell you how to reform your family members. I'm sorry you have to go through that.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

l am very normal

[Goochbreaker]

You know, the narcissists that I know are actually very adept at apologizing and do it often. They are so good at apologizing that you'd never suspect them of the treachery they continue to get away with. A narcissist who never apologizes typically doesn't maintain the good graces of any social circle for long. The ones who are amazing at apologies manage to keep friends around for a lot longer, until they encounter ME MOTHAFUCKA and then I rip that shit to shreds and they lose several friends in one fell swoop. Done it before I'll do it again if need be

[estoydorado1]

I agree with that statement. I met about 3 narcissists in HS, they were still immature and probably inexperienced. Most of the other students actually believed the tall tales they told and thought that they were "badass" for pushing boundaries. They didn't really have to apologise for much and I stopped sticking up for their victims (hence my pressuring apologies from them) when I realized that their victims were completely ignorant to their mistreatment.

My mom has some narcissistic tendencies and she would never apologize to anyone in our family. She'd always demand them, though even when nothing was done to her. She would always apologize and act demure around strangers, though.

[Goochbreaker]

by demand them do you mean demean them?

[estoydorado1]

Oh, and a couple of my teachers who witnessed those high schooler's behaviours advised me to let my friends learn the hard way. It was difficult because 1 of those narcissists was dating my best friend.

[Goochbreaker]

fuck teachers and their STUPID advice, rarely are they ever right, if they were good at stuff they'd be doing stuff, not stuck teaching it to retard kids LOL. If you have a friend that is getting taken advantage of, it's up to you to do everything in your power to help them, EVEN IF they hate you for it.

[estoydorado1]

No I'd just publicly call out the inconsistencies in their stories or actions. They did a lot of back stabbing and turning people on each other.
The narcissist who was dating my best friend talked nonstop and he often mixed up his stories. I called him on something he said to me while my friend wasn't around and he apologised to her about "being so careless with his words" and he apologised to me about "causing confusion" etc, etc. He was really good about making himself a misunderstood victim.

[estoydorado1]

I actually did continue to tell her the truth and she did wind up turning on me. She later came back crying to me when he cheated on her with 1 of her friends and he turned a bunch of her friends against her by making her out to be the cheater. I asked her why she was so rude to me before and she told me because "it made him happy".

My teachers were right, I should've just left my advice to her at my initial findings. I pushed the subject and involved myself in a lot of drama and verbal abuse from her boyfriend up until I transferred schools (due to unrelated circumstances). I think he was intrigued by the fact that I saw through every single one of his lies, he tried to "cling" to me after he dumped her.

[Goochbreaker]

yeah she's right if all you care about is yourself, but I would take a few slings and arrows for a good friend

[estoydorado1]

Of course I would be upfront with my findings if a friend was in a similar situation. However, if they told me that they trust their boyfriend and think I'm reading too much into things (basically deny my findings), I would make it clear that I don't agree but that I'd be here to talk/listen as a support system if their stance changes. I wouldn't continuously point out lies that they themselves would clearly rather ignore.

[Goochbreaker]

I would :P

[JimRSmith]

Good Take. I'd like to see more of this kind of thing on G@G.

I don't disagree with anything you've written, but you could also expand on it further.

A lot of people don't really know about narcissism beyond recognising it as a word. The sooner a very bright light is shone on it, the better we'll all be.

[estoydorado1]

Thank you, I try not to ramble lol.
I agree. Narcissists are very manipulative, people often don't realize until the damage has been done. The best defense with them is knowing how to spot and therefore avoid them.

[JimRSmith]

Absolutely, yes.

I actually think your Take gives a very insightful perspective on what you need to be aware of, and watch out for.

[estoydorado1]

Thanks, I hope it helps. I was just thinking about how much reverse psychology I've seen them use.

It's interesting how they're often described as not understanding how to empathize but how they're so adept at tapping into ours. Makes me think they know how to see other POV's and intentionally ignore other's boundaries.

[JimRSmith]

A lack of empathy is definitely a key identifier, but I agree with the point you make.

Perhaps, they do understand empathy, but it is simply utterly unimportant to them?

[estoydorado1]

Maybe, I honestly hope not. That would take them from being ignorant to the pain they cause, to intentionally causing pain for self-indulgence. Which would be wicked. I'm also aware that there are different levels and aspects so some people may be less aware of their behavior than others.

[Kitty369]

They also judge you if you shared with them any weakness about yourself, they absorb your positive energy as vampires do with their victims, they will take from your feelings to boost their ego, they will take advantage of you in any situation, they never appreciate neither your feelings nor your humanity! They always see themselves above all! When you find one, run as fast as you can as if the devil is after you!

[estoydorado1]

I see you've had the pleasure of their acquaintance. lol
Seriously, though. They're so toxic.

[Kitty369]

Yep, more than enough! I wish i have never had such experience! It hurts and unremovable by any means! Abusive and toxicated my life to unbearable degree! I can write pages about that!

[Sebdcjones]

Good Take, it was interesting to read and the pictures were well selected. I don't know that I could spot a narcissist. But I've thought that it referred to people in the past. For instance a woman I saw with a selfie stick taking her picture on the beach for half an hour. I thought perhaps the tide was going to sweep her away, making her a true modern narcissus.

[estoydorado1]

Thank you! That would have been way too ironic lol.
They're very disingenuous, self-serving (no matter what the cost to anyone else), they lie a lot (to cast themselves in a positive or sympathetic light), they're very prideful and will lie, deflect, sabotage, etc in order to maintain their image & get back at you for any perceived insult. They'll typically only show you attention if they want a favor or attention in return.
There are a lot of other things but that's a start.

[Sebdcjones]

I think I live with one haha

[FýrdracaDócincel]

1 and 2 fit me pretty well.

3, not really.

4, yes but with context. I don't "cast doubt and gloom on people and their ideas" because I'm "threatened." I do it to tell them how it is. As far as wanting to appear humble goes, yeah but again, CONTEXT. Right now, we live in a world where the more unapologetically sure of yourself you are, the less seriously you're taken. So oftentimes it's best to just throw the dog a bone every now and then in order to avoid having to kick him later.

[estoydorado1]

This wasn't a take on why @FýrdracaDócincel is a narcissist. Good for you on your self-awareness, though.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

My point is that you seem to be trying to paint it all in a universally negative light.

Regardless of what the action was, if I believe the end goal was worth it, I will be very unapologetic. Oftentimes it does end up having the effect on people that you describe ("They're usually so unapologetic, that the rest of us wonder where WE went wrong"), but to say that this is bad is the same as saying that parenting or a central government is also bad. Truth is that I do care about people.. but it's hard to benefit from my methodology if you keep trying to fight it.

As for your second point.. well duh. The simple fact of the matter is that people have boundaries. Treat me right, I'll treat you right. Start to push a bit too much, I shove you back down. You treat it like some kind of psychopathic mind game, but that's just how social interaction works at it's most basic level. People will cry all they like, but the refusal to understand this is the mark of a weakling and a coward.

[estoydorado1]

I'm pointing out how I've seen narcissists use certain reverse psychology techniques. You're assuming that I view everyone with the mildest hint of these tendencies as full blown narcissists.

Most of the narcissists in question used these traits as facades anyways. You're taking this suspiciously personally, though.

[Anonymous]

Narcissists suck big time. There are a whole lot of them on social media and if you are bored enough to watch them you will feel sick after.

[estoydorado1]

Yeah, they're like emotional black holes. They can make it difficult to maintain our composure.

[CubsterShura]

When you are actually a humble pie but society translates your humbleness to silent arrogance. What a beautiful world we live in :')

[estoydorado1]

Cool beans on your "humble pie".

[CubsterShura]

Was that a sarcastic diss? 😂

[estoydorado1]

A little bit lol. I seriously wish more people could sample some humble pie, though.

[monkeynutts]

I have read a little in the character traits associated with disorder, supposedly stealing office supplies, and disobeying traffic signs. I just settle with a new category of amicable, if I like you and your ideas I will talk to you!

[Kuraj]

I don't see what is "oddly" charming on this, to me, it just seems charming.
Narcissists are charming in general.

[estoydorado1]

I guess it's the reverse psychology of it all. A lot of times their attitudes clearly stink but they're still able to draw people in by appearing "edgy" "badass", etc. The present their negative traits as these larger than life personas.

[azzntittiz]

Everyone is a narcissist nowadays.

[estoydorado1]

Not exactly, there's quite a difference between vanity/superficiality and full on Narcissism.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

not me l am very normal guy

[John_Doesnt]

I like it when a narcissist girl plays with her hair in church.

[estoydorado1]

And playing with hair with hair = narcissism how?

[John_Doesnt]

Because I'm a scientist from Science University.

[estoydorado1]

Hmm... sounds very sciencey

[John_Doesnt]

My major was in "Super-Science" and my minor is in Microsoft Excel.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

it does not he can't get a date with this girl so he is not a nice guy

[BOUNTYGUY9]

could be

[Anonymous]

I used to be best friends with a narcissist she was just like this, especially the getting bored of you then coming back thing

[HereIbe]

I find none of those traits charming. They are all repulsive.

[estoydorado1]

That's why I said "oddly charming". They use a lot of traits that on paper we'd find annoying, repulsive and they use reverse psychology to draw people in with those traits.

[Revolver_]

Thank you, I now realise I am charming

[Anonymous]

I always thought girls liked narcissists

[estoydorado1]

Depends on the girl & it depends on how manipulative/deceptive the narcissist can be. Some aren't as clever as they think they are.

[Opinion Owner]

sure are lots of them here.

[rockrewls]

Interesting...

[BOUNTYGUY9]

stay away from them

[BOUNTYGUY9]

they have bad thoughts in there heads they kill when we are sleeping