A letter to my dad I'll never send.

[Anonymous]

You wonder why I don't usually answer the phone, and yet when I do, you talk down to me. I dread conversations with you because I know you'll try and act superior to me in some way. Or you'll sound domineering and I refuse to let you think you have power and control over me. I'm not a kid anymore and I stand up for myself now. I'm writing this because tonight, you hung up on me after I called you by your name, something which I have always done. But for some reason, suddenly, you have an issue with it. If you wanted me to call you dad, you should have acted like one...

Cliché but true!

You judge and yet you barely know anything about me. I don't tell you much, because I know nothing I do will ever be good enough in your eyes. I was never good enough. Yet I'm a better person than you. You're not good enough.

You never gave me any guidance or asked what career I wanted and yet you were so disappointed that I didn't turn out to be a teacher just like your girlfriends daughter. Well, I'm disappointed that I didn't happen to have a good father. You didn't care what I wanted to be, I should have just been a teacher, right? Just like YOU would have wanted. So that you didn't have to feel ashamed of me.

You know you've never even told me you love me? Maybe your own monster of a father made you like this (which is a whole other story) But maybe this is just who you are regardless. Either way, you've gone through life treating people like shit. Putting them down. My mother clearly hasn't wanted you for many years yet you still grope her if you see her. Even though you have a long term girlfriend. You disgusting dip shit.

Like my mother, I refuse to be controlled or belittled by anyone, let alone you. You, who abused my mother physically and verbally and I can't forget that. You, who fought with my mother in front of me and my brother when we were kids. You didn't help to raise me at all. Just after I was born, you told my mother that you "Can't be doing with babies." You also told her you didn't want her to need you. You think you can judge me? You're a sperm donor. Merry Christmas, "Dad".

[Anonymous]

Wow, your dad has done some very nasty things.
My dad was all wrong too. He wanted me to be a teacher too. I didn't at first. But now I am. It is pretty cool. It fits my life perfectly and I have found a true passion un it. Maybe my father had noticed my skill and passion for it at my early age. Or maybe he thought it was convenient. Or maybe he thought it was a very prestigious or good job. Maybe he loved his own childhood teachers. Anyway, he could have meant well. Not saying he did for sure, but just give the thought a chance, for your own freedom of anger. You could become a professor eventually which is also a high position in society.
About "Just after I was born, you told my mother that you "Can't be doing with babies." You also told her you didn't want her to need you."" I guarantee you that dealing with childcare is not in the DNA of most men. Specially tiny babies. I love to have beautiful jewelry, it doesn't mean I want to make them myself. Did you know that men go through post-partum depression too? After a child is born, some moms get unbalanced hormones that causes them depression. But modern studies show that dad's get it too for different reasons. Most dad's actually feel a great sense of responsibility at the first sight of their child. And if they can not protect or provide for their child, they get depression. That depression can cause a lot more problems for the family, because no one believes it, and men are expected to be strong and unemotional. But they really aren't. They are human.
I'm sure as a child hearing these things can be very very hurtful because you were too young to understand. I even didn't understand it about my dad until I was 37 years old when I had my first child.
Babies can be very very stressful, more than an exam night, but it goes on for months and years. Also the parent's physical health and family finances might suffer. This puts a lot of pressure on the relationship between the parents unfortunately, and they will be overwhelmed until the baby is around 2 year old. Overwhelmed and depressed people just can't help or support other people. I'm not denying your pain or making excuses for your father. But that's why he told your mother to not need him.
I don't understand your father's other bad behaviors. But I am hoping if you are informed about some logical possible reasons for his behavior that I have just learned about, you might eventually be able to forgive him for those parts. The pain hurts and I am hoping to lighten the weight on your shoulders.
Take Care

[ng210821]

I agree with whocares22... leave this off your list of regrets and send it, he'll write it down, so he really understands you mean every word, you might even find yourself re-writing it. Life is too short... My ex-wife is gonna be facing this problem with our kids and she doesn't understand things need to be talked out sometimes, it won't magically be fixed right away, but with patience and effort on both ends, you guys will be fine one day.

[Northern_star]

i feel so sad for you Ms. I can't imagine what i would feel like or what would i have become without my always supportive humorous, big and kind hearted role model (dad). i hope life finds a way to change your situation and gives you what everyone should have 😐 a good relationship with both parents.

[alvincasey]

Since your over 30 years old, you don't have to talk to him at all especially if he makes you feel so bad.

Or send him this letter. What do you have to lose? He ought to know this stuff

[whocares22]

Sounds like a letter you should send. Sorry to hear how horrible he was. I have 2 girls and I can't imagine not being part of their life.

[sognare555]

I have a shitty parent, though it is my mom instead. I'm glad that you have found your voice. Independence is yours now

[Anonymous]

Your dad sounds like an asshole. He sounds a lot like my mom was. Thankfully my dad made up for it by being an amazing father and mentor.

[lovedejj_xo]

I call my father by his first name as well just so he knows he’ll never earn that title or respect from me for never being there.

[Evilpumpkinman]

I am really sorry you had to experience this

[MlleCake]

I feel your pain.

[Nachowedgie]

Sound like both my parents

[Secretgardenblood]

Nice take