I miss you.
I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss our late night conversations. I miss the way your arms felt around me. I miss how you playfully teased me. I miss sleeping in your bed, my nose buried in the sweatshirt you'd worn that day. I miss the smell of your cologne. I miss your voice. I miss your stubbornness. I even miss fighting with you. you know why? Because our fights were worth it. You're worth it.
You're worth every tear I've cried over you. I know people say that the right person won't make you shed tears, but I think that's a lie. Those you love will drive you to that point sometimes. The only difference is that it's worth the pain. And you're worth every fight we've had, every night I spent thinking about how you messed up, and how I messed up, and considering whether or not I should swallow my pride and say sorry to you.
You might not care, but I think about you every day. I don't try to, but you just keep wandering into my mind, and I don't know how to get over you. I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. But I can't. Even on my busiest days, when I'm not supposed to be thinking of you because there's too much else going on, I miss you. I still wish you were here. I wish I could talk to you, laugh with you, hug you.
And it hurts that I can't. It hurts more than you'd imagine. It feels like a part of me was ripped away, and that's honestly an incredibly scary feeling. Love is a scary feeling. I didn't necessarily want to fall in love with you. In fact, I tried not to. But it happened anyway. And now I'm stuck in this trap of trying to forget you, remembering you, telling myself I'll be okay without you, and then missing you.
I miss being able to tell you everything. I don't have anyone else I can tell everything to. I only had you. Well, I could tell you everything except how I feel about you. And when I told you things, you'd help me without even saying a word. You didn't talk at me and tell me what to do and how to do it, you'd just listen. Only when I asked you for advice did you give me advice, or when you could tell that I was on the verge of breaking down if you didn't. And I'd listen to you and give advice to you in return. I like to think that I helped you, too, but maybe not.
Every day, I wake up thinking of you. Every night, you're the last thought on my mind. I know it sounds cliche, but you are. And I miss you. I miss you like hell. But I don't know if you miss me. You probably don't. But honestly, part of me is glad. I don't want you to feel as hurt as I do. You deserve better than that. Just remember, though, that you were everything to me. You're still everything to me. And I'd do anything for you.
I love you.