My girlfriend has a problem with my relationship with my sister, Help?

[Anonymous]

OK, I'm 26 and my little sister is 23 years old and she lives in the appartment with me. When she was 6 and I was 9, our mom died and our dad (who was a mysogynistic asshole) started drinking heavily and he physically beat her on a regular basis up until she was about 12 years old. I rember after he beat her she would always come to me for consolance and I would hold her and soothe her to sleep. Don't get me wrong, my sister is an incredibly sweet and caring person, but 6 years of continous abuse took a heavy toll, left her with severe PTSD and stunted her emotional growth (right now she has about the level of emotional development as a 9 year old). When she was 18, she moved in with me at my appartment and she's like my best friend in the world and because of her PTSD, she's an extremely affectionate person. Whenever we see each other after work she gets a long hug, she snuggles up next to me and we share a bed and cuddle together each night. We talk for a bit and I usually play with her hair or rub her back to put her to sleep. Because of her PTSD she has trouble falling asleep alone and even if she does she has nightmates. I know some people might find the thought of cuddling a sibling weird but I don't. Now I never got aroused but I think it's nice and relaxing to hold a warm person who you know loves you more than anything next to you. And when she's asleep and I'm holding her she looks so sweet and innocent and it makes my heart melt. But latley I started seeing this girl and as our relationship started to get more serious, I encouraged my sister to go to counseling and she did and she started taking anxiety medications. But my girlfriend said that if she's going to stay in a relationship with me, I have to tone down the affection levels with my sister. I told her that I plan on it but these things can't be fixed overnight, but she says I have to stop now or else she'll break up with me, what should I do?

Do what my girlfriend says

Support my sister

[Paris13]

You Need to Now make a Choice tha Is going to be Very Difficult for you here, dear. Not many girls in a Real relationship with you would Want to Be... In a relationship with You Being in a relationship with a sibling who needs constant care and attention.
If you love your So, then a Compromise has to be made, or it will end up to be Your demise. Your honey who doesn't find any of this Funny in the least, is trying to tell you that she will not be Fifth wheel deal with You and sis and that you need to make a Life threatening Decision... Soon.
There are many girls out there who are More compassionate and understanding in your own scenario here, but the Ones who are Not and will Not love you Not because you want to Cuddle with your sis and her as well, will leave in a heartbeat and not hitch on to your welcome of two girls being under the same Relationship roof.
There are programs you can check with Social services with. I sadly am in a family situation right now where that was something that I myself had to bring my own self to. As much as it pains you, I see only two choices Here... Either do what you are doing until the day you Die Or... Hope to find Someone Special who will be tied to you no matter what and with every Cry.
Good luck and happy Holidays. xx

[Cmasterson]

It's hard because your girlfriend is probably uncomfortable with it and isn't as understanding, I think its wrong for her to tel you to stop 'RIGHT NOW' as things yes don't happen over night and it's not really fair to your sister to take everything that comforts her away. All though you made that bed, you offered this excessive comfort, she's in a habit right because you've been doing all this since she was 18. Your girlfriend isn't going to want to be treated how you treat your sister in the affection area, she wants to feel like a girlfriend. I understand you're trying to reach a middle, but you also have to tell your girlfriend it's not fair, then again she doesn't have to be over your place every night.

[Anonymous]

I know it might sound weird. But I had a hard life wish I had a brother to cuddle me. I went through the same life style as you. All you have is your sister and she needs you. Just break from her little by little thats all. Your girlfriend needs to try and be more supportive or she should try and cuddle with her and take your place and rub her hair at night. She can act like her mom instead because she needs love.

[Asker]

were you abused?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes my dad use to beat up my mom really bad. Plus use to hit me and my other siblings. So I can feel your sisters pain and yours. All I have is my sisters too. Don't push away that fast little by little. If I was your girlfriend I would try to win your sister over little by little. I would have her sleep with me instead. Win her trust she needs love thats all. She feels protected with you. I know its sad but its the truth. Your girlfriend sounds heartless honestly.

[Asker]

do you cuddle with your sisters?

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes but we are all big and leave in different places.

[Asker]

would you rather of had a brother to cuddle?

[Anonymous]

I think you should support your sister, but I really don't think now is the best time for you to be having a relationship. Any girlfriend you have is going to be a bit bothered by the fact that you show so much affection to your sister. It is understandable why you do it, but if you want a relationship you're going to need to be able to balance both by showing affection to your SO as well.

[nativepride73]

I think you should support your sister, from what you said it sounds like just leaving her like that would probably break her. But, you definitely need to start to tone it down and work to make her more independent from you. You can't always be there for her and she is going to have to be able to make it out on her own at some point. But still I would say that blood runs thicker than water so I would so you should probably continue to work with your sister so that she can get over her issues and start going in her own path independently.

[Asker]

That's what I'm trying to do but my girlfriend doesn't get that it's not something that can be fixed overnight :(

[nativepride73]

Yeah, something like that is going to take time, you girlfriend should understand that. If she doesn't then, like I said, blood runs thicker than water so definitely put your family first.

[Oberon960]

You're use of blood is thicker of water is incorrect but otherwise I agree. I think it is wonderful that you are there for your sister and its a shame she doesn't see it that way.

BTW: the whole quote is Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. It refers to that the friends that we choose have stronger bonds than the family we were born with.

[Asker]

@Oberon960 Yeah, I think that phrase is dumb too because Me and my dad share blood but I hate him for what he did to my sister. Even the slightest things can set her off and she'll run into my arms and cry for about half an hour. Whenever that happens I see him beating the crap out of her.

[Regale]

Your relationship with your sister will be the longest relationship of your life. I think you need to keep doing what you're doing: support your sister, but also encourage her to seek other forms of help. Family's important. I'm sure you can understand why it weirds out your girlfriend, but try to help her understand why your sister needs this. Like you said, it's not something that can be fixed overnight, and if she's really giving you an ultimatum, I think you need to continue helping your sister.

[Mesonfielde]

I think your girlfriend is being unreasonable with her demand. While I do see why it would bug her that you are cuddling someone else at night, she is a sibling and it is only a problem for your girlfriend if you are cuddling your sister when SHE IS ALSO THERE.

Therefore I believe her ultimatum demands are unreasonable and just because she demands something doesn't mean she deserves it. I voted B).

[DocRim]

A good girlfriend won't tell you to tone down the affection with your sister A good girlfriend would join you in for a group hug.

[Anonymous]

Family is forever, gf's/bf's come and go. If she is not willing to support you and your sister in this or try to be understanding, I would think she wouldn't be worth it in the end. the right woman would support both of you.

[Chief16]

Family first man. Into heaven or hell. You don't have family. You don't have anything. I'm surprised you had to ask.

[Anonymous]

You cab support your sister but not be and enabler. Makes sense?
Help her recovery but don't be her dad..

[Dred1614]

Your girlfriend is crossing a line. Family comes third, no matter what.

[TheOldMan59]

Girlfriends come and go, but family is forever.