How do I deal with my jealous and controlling girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now. The relationship started out great and still is however there are arrising problems that I think will only keep getting more of a concern as the days go by. I love her and she knows that because I tell her so at every opportunity I get. She also shows her love frequently through poems, letters, etc. The problem is that she is way too jealous of a person. For example I would leave town for a few days to spend time with friends and family and I get frequent calls throughout the day asking me what I'm up to. When she hears a female's voice near me (e.g. my friend's girlfriend or friend) she gets offended, feels insecure, sometimes cries, and tells me how she doesn't like me around other women. I have never cheated on her or thought about doing so and have rally given her no reason to act this way. She claims its part of her personality and despite trying to change in her past relationship, she failed to do so. She also acknowledges that this sort of thing ruins relationships. I'm a very laid back guy and she is usually pretty stressed at little things and shows that stress to me by not being in the mood for sex all the time, or being p*ssy.

I had an intervention with her about her over reaction of small unimportant things. She doesn't over react as much but still shows immense amount of jealousy, mistrust, and insecurity. I don't know what to do... my friends tell me I should leave her because she is selfish in wanting me around all the time and never out of her site. But I love her and don't want to end it. She has conditioned herself to be this way and accept it.

[pearl1979]

Sometimes it just takes time. I trusted my previous husband. We were married for 6 years. I let him talk to my friends. He had girls that were his friends. He was really open I had no reason to think other wise. I was wrong during the whole relationship he was cheating on me. Even with one of my friends. Its weird you go into this traumatic stage. Where you just don't trust anymore until you heal. I didn't have a real hard time but I would get a little jealous with my boyfriend when a girl was around. It was odd to me to even feel like that but I have never felt like it before until my ex betrayed me. I guess I found the better in me later . Yes it still triggers sum jealousy but it could happen again. Someone being unfaithful to me. Just pick up and move on. Life ain't easy you know.

[brazukagurl]

yea unfortunately that's something only she can change and if she doesn't think anything is wrong with her behavior she's not going to change. a relationship should be based on trust and if she doesn't trust you than what's the point? it's only going to get worse too if you talked to her and nothing changed maybe take a break, give her an altimatum, there's no point in being so stressed out. maybe she's so insecure she might need psychological help? offer to ever go with her. we have all been played, hurt and lied to, it doesn't give an excuse to be like that. I know its hard but there are better ways to deal with it

[megan7moo]

well you have to consider her side of the story like me she sould of been really hurt from a previous relationship and can't stand to get hurt again. you should take her with you to meet your female friends so she knows how they are and they can become friends. don't give on her yet she just needs some love tender and care lol

[Asker]

The thing is I already show her so love. I never ignore her, or refuse to chill with her or have her over. I always ask for her opinion and talk on the phone many times a day.

[megan7moo]

Well bring her with you when your around your female friends. its not just having to hang out with her its bout solving her issuse with trust and to build a better and stronger bond between you and her. once that bond is strong then everything should be smoother.

[Nocturne]

Talk to her about it. She needs to work on who she is that is of course if she wants to be with you. Otherwise it sounds like you can't handle it and accept it. Relationships are a two way street and your side doesn't sound good.

I am sorry but I absolutely do not accept it when people blame their issues on their current behaviors. To me that is unacceptable. Like girls that are jealous blaming on being insecure. She needs to take responsibility for herself in order to be accountable in a relationship.

[Asker]

I agree,

its hard to communicate with her because as soon as I try to discuss a problem or call her out on something, she become upset and very emotional, leaving me with no options but to calm her down and make her stop crying.

[Nocturne]

People fixated into these bahviors may not change. Ask yourself if you can love this person and be with this person for the rest of your life. The show seems to be about her. As you pointed out her selfishness takes over. She comes first. With no communication it isn't much of a relationship except that you give her a self esteem support. Look carefully, girls like this leave guys easily. Just be prepared.

[OctapussyLover]

Best answer here. It is all summed up well. This website is filled with insecure girls with long winded stories of how their insecurties got the better part of them and breaking up with their boyfriends. It most of the time had nothing to do the guy. Just the girl got bored. If you love the girl too much, you're a pussy. If you go too far away, she's jealous. Take it from my experience (being a insecure biatch) that it won't end well for you.

[pearl1979]

Its not a blame game. It is something one has experienced. Sometimes its irreversable. People that talk here and are confident I believe never experienced what sum of these girls have. they don't have anyone to really look up to or sum1 to give good advice to them they are left to weep. Yeah maybe its best he dump her so she can get emotional help an order to carry on healthy relationship further on her life. We are not all blessed with being strong-those of you who are I applaud to you.