My boyfriend won't let his parents meet mine...why?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is from Iran and his family lives here in the USA and they speak English but it's very hard to understand them. My family is Italian but they born and raised in the USA so they speak perfect English. Well my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and we live together. Yesterday my mom asked me for my bfs parents # so she could invite them over for dinner...well I told my boyfriend and he said absolutely not! He said he doesn't want our families meeting...i asked him why and he said that his parents don't speak good English and it would be so weird. I told him if we are getting married they should get to know each other and at least meet! He got really upset and said Seriously stop asking me...Why is he so embarrassed of his family? My parents are the coolest people in the world and they would love to hear about different cultures! How do I address it in a way that he won't get upset? His parents are 100% OK with meeting my family but it's my boyfriend saying no...

[noricat]

Devils advocate here, but in opposition to others replies on here, some people just don't like conducting their relationships involving families.

Some people just don;t get on with their family or do but prefer to keep that distance they have earned via joining adulthood.

Some people are just very much about conducting their own lives and own relationships regardless of family members.

He probably doesn't feel he needs his parents approval of yours or you, nor does he need yours for his or him.

I assume they will meet at the wedding anyway?

Whatever, if your boyfriend has made his decision final you gotta accept it ad move on or leave him if it is a deal-breaker, but this is 2010 in the western and developed world, people are expected to be independent and self-sufficient adults financially and emotionally. As a result allot of people prefer to leave their family as more peripheral parts of their personal/day to day life.

[cjwright79]

He's just ashamed of his parents. I feel the same way about mine. Still, you are in the right here, so keep plugging away at it until he relents. Don't give up! Iranians are wonderful people in my experience, and obvious you Italians are just rad. But wait -- have you ever met his parents? Maybe do that first. Maybe they really don't speak much English, in which case it might be a little weird, don't you think?

[Asker]

I see his parents all of the time!!! they love me and he has met my parents a million times! it's just sad that he acts like tgis

[cjwright79]

Yes it is. You could always leave him over it. Then maybe he'll change his mind and beg for you to take him back. Plus the parents can meet. Just don't threaten to leave, that will backfire. You have to actually do it. And if he doesn't sue for clemency, then he never cared for you that much to begin with. Which I think is the case anyway, since he does not respect your wishes but instead hangs on to juvenile attitudes.

[Rainbows]

Well, my immediate assumption would be that he is worried that your parents might dislike his parents because they are Iranian, and lots of Americans today have complete misconceptions about what Iranian people are like, because of their crazy president whose name I can't spell. Mahmood Somethingejad. Or maybe he's worried that his parents would not want him to date someone who isn't Iranian, or something like that. Or maybe he's just embarrassed because they don't speak English, or something silly like that. I would recommend just keep trying to explain to him that there's nothing for him to be worried about.

[Hughman]

So you know his parents are cool with it? Weird...

Maybe talk to him with his parents present? See how he reacts then?