My brother never wants to talk to me?

[Anonymous]

i have an older brother, he's 26 & I'm 20, we don't really get along. I've attempted to reach out to him, talk to him & see if he wants to hang out. he seems very disinterested. I'm very family orientated & I enjoy getting along with people in general.

whenever I write to him, he never responds, he doesn't pick up my calls or any of that. I saw him recently, I needed a ride & my dad made sure he came & got me [i don't think he would have otherwise], he was rude & stoned.

i don't know how to go about this, I can't ignore him, as there is nothing to ignore, & pulling away [ie, not talking to him to see if he'll come to me] wouldn't work as.. I don't think he'd notice or he'd appreciate it more.

i've brought it up that I never see him & I'd like to, I've also mentioned that we should hang out [we live relatively close].

any advice would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

well I have 3 brothers. 2 of them older. One is 4 years older than me and one is 2 years older. the one who is 2 years older than me (I'm 25, he's 27) and I never got along. he always says the weirdest stuff like "everything's your fault" or "go take my trash out" then when I don't do anything he'll say "you're the laziest person ever" and stuff like that. He'd go into my room whenever he wants and take all my CDs and movies and if I went into his room I'd get yelled at for hours and days, and what not. When he broke his car I lent him 2Grand and he never returned my money. When I asked for it back he said it was God's money and for me to shut up, or do I want him to kill me. Strange brother. Nothing to ignore but I really do not like my brother very much. Now with the other 2 brothers, (younger than me 4 years and the older brother, older than me 4 years) I get along very well. My oldest brother and I play a lot of card games and talk about my social life with guys and my depression and school and such. My younger brother and I go out to eat and hang out at school and such all the time (he hangs out with me while I went to the university in town), he'd go with me shopping and hang out doing stuff, talking about life and such. You see what I mean? Some times brothers and sisters just can't get along. I probably will never get along with my middle brother, but I will always get along with my youngest brother and my oldest brother. I guess some times that's just how the cookie crumbles. Hopefully your relationship with your brother is not as bad as mine with my middle brother, but just saying that if it is just as bad, don't feel bad. Some times that's just how it is.

[oneforthetruth]

Ask him, and ask him straight out. Don't go into how you would like to spend time with him, ask him why he doesn't ever want to spend time with you. Ask him if he is upset with you for some reason, and be firm and straight to the point. If he gives you an answer then there's something to work on, if he just ignores you, then you're wasting your time.

Sorry but no matter what the relationship is, whether family, friend, bf/gf, it all comes down to meeting in the middle, if you want success both of you have to play a part. But your brother doesn't seem to want to, for some reason, and I do believe you have done all the chasing, and put in the effort.

I come from a big family, and I am closer to some then others, but I can still talk to them all and I like spending time with them, I also love being away from them sometimes, because we all need space.

You might just have to accept that he'll never be the brother you hoped for, in the sense of the closeness, and you might have to accept your relationship will always be strained, but you also have to think of yourself. I can see this hurts you, but he;s not giving you anything.

Ask him, that;s my advice, one last time, and then give him an ultimatium, tell him that if you don't get an answer then you won't bother him again, you won't ignore him, but you won't let it get to you, and if he wants any contact he WILL have to come to you. Some people need a push or a reason to think about what they really want, and I think that;s what he needs.

good luck.