Feeling smothered by roommate?

[Flower7]

I have a roommate who I dislike very much, but I've decided to deal with it since it will only be a temporary thing.

But I'm really upset right now because she's on vacation for a whole week. And instead of going home to see her family during this time, like she told me she would before she moved in, she's decided to stay here with me for some reason.

I'm working from home at the moment and it just feels extremely crowded with both of us here. I don't have any space or time to myself. She will have another week-long vacation coming up next month.

Her home with her husband and 4 children is only a few hours away from here. Should I tell her that she HAS to leave and go home during these times that she's off work for so long?

[OlderAndWiser]

If she is a roommate who is paying her share of the bills, you have no right to tell her she must leave for a week. How would you feel if she told you that she wants you to leave for a week?

[Flower7]

She does not pay ANY bills here. This is my apartment.

I let her move in with me for the next 6 months as a favor so she could be closer to her temporary job.

I do charge her a small amount of rent of $10 per day, since before moving in, she had me under the impression that she would be going home a lot of the time. She specifically told me that when she has her weeks off from work, she would be home instead of here. That's why I didn't feel it would be right to charge her a set price for the month since supposedly, she wouldn't be here regularly.

She also said she would be leaving on weekends to go visit her family. But she doesn't do that either. She moved in under false pretenses. I might have decided not to let her move in if I'd known this would be an everyday thing.

[OlderAndWiser]

Okay, those are very helpful details that change the picture.

Yes, you agreed to let her move in based on her representations about how often she would be there and those turned out to be false. She may have honestly had those intentions whn she made those statements but maybe something has happened between her and her husband so that she does not want to go home. In any event, you should talk to her and say that you would not have agreed to have her move in if you had known she was going to be there almost constantly. You can either renegotiate your deal with her or tell her that you are not interested in a full-time roommate and ask her to start looking for someplace else to live.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[Jamie05rhs]

Whoah, whoah, whoah. She has a HUSBAND and CHILDREN, and she won't go home to them? Something is seriously strange here.

Is her husband abusing her?

[Flower7]

I have no idea what's going on between her and the husband. But yes, she is married and left him there with 4 children so she could come to my state and work at a temporary job.

When she asked me if she could move in, she told me she would be going home on weekends and on times when she has vacations from work. But now she never leaves at all and it's driving me crazy.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm sorry, but that sounds REALLY suspicious to me.

[Flower7]

I agree! There's something very weird about it.

But now I'm feeling like she lied to me to let her move in. She's been on vacation for the past 5 days and hasn't gone home, even though it would only be a 3-hour drive. I wouldn't have agreed to let her move in if I'd known she would be here EVERY DAY. This is pushing me way past my limits as an introvert. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, she definitely did lie to you. There's something going on that she isn't telling you about. You need to find out.

[Jjpayne]

I'd wonder why she is there if that's the case... 🤔

I don't know if there are hard and fast rules on roommates... Like legal ones... But I don't know.. 🤔

It sounds fair to ask for space though. I'd try to encourage or enforce it if you can

[Static_In_The_Attic]

All you have to do is remember that it’s temporary & you can do this & in no time you’ll have your place back to yourself.

[Flower7]

That's a great way to look at it!

[1stranger]

Why is she staying with you if she is married and has children?

[Flower7]

She's staying with me for the next 6 months because she'll be doing a temporary job here in my state.

But when she moved in, she told me she would only be her on workdays. She said she would be going home on weekends and during time off from work, which has turned out not to be true.

I probably wouldn't have agreed to let her move in if I'd known she would be here EVERY DAY. She's been on vacation from her job since last Friday (5 days ago) and is sitting around in my apartment and hasn't went home.

[1stranger]

Going and coming every weekend can be tiring and expensive for her.
Considering that she had to live apart from her family, her economic situation may be bad.
And she must save money.

[Flower7]

In that case, she shouldn't have given me incorrect information that she would be driving home on weekends and on her vacations.

[1stranger]

Yes, you are right but she may not have predicted/guessed that this would happen, not incorrect information.

[katiesmuff]

Why would a person with a husband and kids be living with you?

[Flower7]

She has a temporary job here in my state. Her home is about 3 hours away. But I do think it's really weird that she doesn't at least visit them on weekends and times like this when she's on vacation for a whole week.

[katiesmuff]

It's way beyond weird!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I would convince her in going to her Husband & Kids place also got watch this COVID it's pandemic and widespread I don't go anywhere without a mask and I wash my hands when I come home?

[B_nash]

She have a whole husband? She want you be step step daddy.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/t194dayW26w

[AmeerX]

Tell her that her family is important and she should give them time.

[Wise4myage]

Ask her about it and see what see says, and don't be afraid to mention wanting your own space. Is there anywhere you can go next month for that week?

[Flower7]

There's nowhere I can go that would be free. I don't feel like I should have to pay for a hotel when I'm paying the majority of the rent here, along with all of the bills.

[Wise4myage]

Good point, you should mention that to her.

[roastbeef]

It may have to do with the pandemic :( and yes everyone is feeling the closed in feeling :( Talk it out with her.

[Flower7]

No, it's not about the pandemic. She has gone home to her family several times since she moved in a few months ago. She goes on the weekends sometimes. Also, I don't think anyone avoids their own husband and children because of the coronavirus.

[Krystal23]

If she pays the rent too there’s not much you can say 😂 x

[Flower7]

She pays much less rent than I do. We don't split it equally. She also pays no bills. I gave her a very low price on the rent because before moving in, she told me she would be leaving to visit her family a lot of the time and that she wouldn't be here very much. But that has turned out to not be true.

[Krystal23]

Ahhh I get you girl! Mention it to her say are you not going to see your family? You mentioned your going to be seeing them quiet frequently’ then talk about the rent and stuff and you can mention she’s not told the truth. Don’t let her walk all over you but be polite about it too

[pizzalovershouse]

can't say other tan work out an agreement

[Dave31989]

im sorry