Do you have trouble making friends as you age?

[Anonymous]

Do you find that as you get older it's harder to make friends?
I personally have outgrown my high school & post-secondary friends. But in my late 30's I find it's difficult to find genuine people to keep as friends. My workplace feels like high school with cliques all over the place. Sometimes there are some people who seem cool but we don't keep in contact. Just come to work, do our job, chit chat and that's about it.

[fallen_wings]

YEES
like in school if you like pokemon and another kid liked pokemon, you would become instant friends.
All my high-school friends stopped talking to me the moment we graduated and been ghosted.
I've tried to make new friends, but they kinda have their own group of friends. So it either you become one of them or you don't. It's difficult.
I talked this with a relative and they told me this: friendships pass quickly with time. In my 50 years of life I've only had like 1 true friend and I don't really talk ton them either. And it's fine.

[Asker]

Oh phew at least it's not just me. I laughed a bit when you mentioned pokemon but it really was that simple. Once you both liked the same thing, instant friends. Then you get older and the criteria changes. My mom said something similar about having one good friend... and then I lost my one good friend because I couldn't attend her daugthers birthday party that apparently was enough for her to stop talking to me... I think when we were younger we werent so petty either.

It's so difficult. There are quite a few people in my workplace that we have lunch, we chat, have jokes and im thinking to myself "they would make a good friend" and then the shift ends and that's it. Makes me miss my elementary days...

[thimmslicc]

As I age i am making friends more often.
I stopped making friends from age 19-24 due to trust issues.
But slowly I am making nice friends and seeing that if I pick and choose who I wanna be friends with, its easy. I am in control of who I want to be present with.

[FatherJack]

I simply don't want to , the older I get , the less I like people. Too many people are self absorbed / centered , and /or BS " media " influenced automatons that will not think for themselves ! Far prefer my own company & keep self to self , FT working single dad , so not much room for friendships. The good ones have either crossed the bridge , or live too far away , the most loyal are my old British Army mates , the best & most solid friendships are forged from adversity.

[Asker]

I can respect your response. And as I read it I feel a connection to what you are saying which inadvertently gave me a different outlook on things. In all honestly I do prefer my own company and I also keep to myself, as well I am a FT single mom and I have so many tasks and hobbies. I've been through enough with people and their BS and (as you put it... self absorbed/self centred) aura. I guess I was grappling with the feeling of "but it would be nice to chit that with someone"... and maybe I need to cut that out and keep doing what makes me happy as opposed to trying to bring others into my life. Truth be told I really am a busy woman and when I look at it... there really isn't much room for friendships.. I mean there could be but they would really have to be understanding of my go go life. Maybe I should just bask in my solitude and keep on keeping on.

[The_Maphio]

It's actually easier. People tend to become wiser as they age (generally speaking) and what would have made our blood boil as young people doesn't irk us as much later on.
I can see this being true as I go through my 30s already. I suppose that in our 20s we still have some of the silly bugs that we had while teenagers. And let's not talk about those years.

[Pummel]

Age has nothing to do with it.. Now I am single and have been for over 13 years (No dating or relations with a woman either) and most of my friends are either married or in long term relationships.. And since I am not exactly ugly every one keeps trying to set me up.. Even though they know my situation...
Oh darn.. I forget the question... lol... I remember.. I believe if a person has a good personality, they should not have trouble finding friends ( unless they had a tough paper route... like me)

[MamaBearx4]

As a woman also in her thirties, I have found that I don’t have as many friends as I used to, because I’m looking for greater depth of connection with friendships. I want better quality, over higher quantity, if that makes sense. Maybe it’s not so much that it’s harder to make friends, but I think as we age we find we want more out of friendships, and are willing to be pickier about who we have in our circle.

[Asker]

That is exactly how I feel. My mindset and outlook on friendships is different than years ago. And you are correct we want more out of friendships. That's exactly it.

[Mimi_ox]

Yes we'll I am a very laid back and down to earth woman and notice that when I am mid conversation, I either get cut off or just ignored. Like what's up with that? Drives me crazy. I may have went a little off topic, but it does have to do with the fact that making friends isn't my strong suit, not that I am eager for friends anything

[Antisocial_rebel]

Three words: same sAmE SAME

[Asker]

I've had that happen too. Ticks me off. It's really rude especially if you give others the space to speak freely and you comment on what they have said and then here you come trying to make conversation and you get ignored or someone just jumps in. The more I look at these situations... it makes me think that its not that its not our strong suit I think we have to acknowledge other peoples behavior is just foul sometimes. Sometimes I look at it that when people do this to me they are trying to blow out my light... like they see im shining bright and they just want to draw attention to themself and off of me. You probably are a great person to be around, and good friend material but the other person is intimidated and afraid you will out shine them.

[exitseven]

Yes, my friendships have waned over the years. A couple of friends have died and some have moved away. I have been engaged with raising my kids over the last 20 or so years and now that they are grown and gone I find I have a little too much time on my hands and the pandemic has only made my isolation seem worse.
How do you think I ended up on GaG?

[Anonymous]

Same here. I think it would help if we joined some groups? Local sports groups, do some volunteer work (which Is good whether you’re trying to make friends or not), take a class or two as covid restrictions lift, join groups through religious organizations if you’re into that. I do agree though, we spend most our time at work and unless you work with a solid bunch, it’s hard to make friends later in life.

[Asker]

I was thinking to try and join a group or two after covid restrictions lift. Volunteer work is also a great idea. I want to surround myself this time around with some that are into things im into, maybe the friendship would last longer. I had a few good college friends but my interests and hobbies were boring to them and that also killed the friendship...

[Opinion Owner]

I hear you. It’s weird how you slowly lose touch with people you never thought you would. As time goes by, we outgrow certain friendships and that can be really sad but it’s normal. Also, we have to be more intentional when it comes to building and maintaining the friendships that are worth it, because I don’t know about you but I get so distracted/tired that I don’t put in enough effort. Do you have any people in your neighborhood that look friend worthy? Try talking to them about something in the neighborhood and see what happens.

[Kha0tiic_xo]

Yes because no a days everyone has a hidden agenda, and there snakes in the grass, I've been betrayed by too many people to many times and I have zero time for it so it's hard for me to give my trust to anyone!

[Asker]

You said it! Almost every second person has some kind of agenda. I too have been betrayed one too many times and i'm over it. It would be nice to have a genuine friend but I also have my guard up.

[ChrisMaster69]

No the opposite actually.

especially among girls.

I definitely have a more diverse mix of friends in different groups.

some are work colleagues, some social, some sports etc. Some a mix of them

[Antisocial_rebel]

I’m 16 and my generation is wEirD. Most are either self- centered, are overly sensitive, act so fake etc. (If it offended anyone, welp) I just don’t really fit in lol. I barely find any decent people who don’t comment on stuff no one asked for (such as judging people’s style), let new people in their groups, are nice and don’t turn into the biggest Bitches in the world (sry for people who don’t like these words). I only have 2 friends left, the rest is hopeless

[Antisocial_rebel]

Yea and there are barely any people who are as chill as me lol

[FatherJack]

My 14 year old daughter has told me the exact same thing... deliberately toxic social engineering is the main reason why each generation gets more fucked up... I hope you find your own tribe.

[Antisocial_rebel]

@FatherJack thank you! I wish you and your family all the best.

[wagonssupy86]

Its because when you cross 30's you become self aware, like skynet. JK

Try to look for groups with similar interests. I found that travel groups are great to make friends.

[Sonorous]

Yeah, it's just hard to find people my age that are as awesome as I am.

[Asker]

Hehe I like your answer

[Sonorous]

I'm honestly so amazing that I'd be worried if you didn't

[creambutter656]

I am very introverted so it's very hard for me to make new friends. Being a girl in my society makes it even harder.

[jamesgoldman]

No but then when I look at my friends and put their average age at around 40 it's not hard but that is eownbto niche interests and sharing business tales

[Anonymous]

The last time I had (in-person) friends I was 12. I'm 20 now 🤷

I have online friends, but as much as I like them, I feel like I am just an annoyance

[Iron_Man]

That’s mostly done in high school and in college and big corporations once you’re out of that or doing something else it’s more Difficult especially if you work alone

[Anonymous]

No it’s easier because girls especially aren’t cliquey like they used to be in high school.

[Asker]

Maybe in some settings... but in my workplace of many generations... it's clique central... which is a hot mess within it's self

[Opinion Owner]

Jeez that's shitty that some adults still act like they're 16.

[Asker]

Trust me you would think people would be mature at my company but no…it’s draining

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry to hear that, hope everything with that gets better.

[thathonestman]

Well... yeah. What do you expect? People have lives, wives, houses, spouses, children, responsibilities. That's what happens when people grow up.

[Wiredone]

I think it is easier to make friends now that I'm older.

[bulletbob555]

Its easier when you're younger. Its one of the reasons they say youth is a gift wasted on the young

[Randy121]

No never had. Iam already a social person and i connect with people very fast

[TremorJay]

No, I just have trouble making friends

[Asker]

Aww... are the people around you just not compatible?

[TremorJay]

I would say it's more of a me problem. My social skills were neglected as a child, I developed depression around age 11 and then self-loathing, which is a natural repellent.

I have a few friends, but meeting new people is hard for multiple reasons.

[Asker]

Im sorry to hear that your social skills were neglected. I've had bouts of self-loathing, perhaps not at the same level as you... but I've been there. I think I dug myself out when I ended up being around people that has similar interests like me, or I felt the atmosphere was safe for me to be myself. At least you have a few friends. But don't take the full weight of making friends a you thing. Others have a part to play as well hence the reason why I made this post. Sometimes I have to be my own cheerleader and tell myself nothings wrong with me, if they don't want to be my friend... that's their loss. *hugs*

[TremorJay]

Yeah definitely it helps to have a good relationship with yourself. I have been in therapy for several years now to try to have that healthy relationship with myself. It takes a lot of work, but it's worth every penny. Thank you 🙂

[Asker]

Most welcome. I have also gone through therapy as well. It has helped :) *Hugs*

[DarthMeow]

LOL I can't even make friends as a kid

[TimlovesKristine]

I do but mostly because I have trust issues 😔

[Asker]

Hey no sad face... i'm kind of there too... I would like to make friends but at the same time i've been through so much that my trust level with people is very slim.

[Miah02]

Not yet.

[MannMitAntworten]

No. Not remotely.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

yeah!