Guys, how would you feel if your woman told you she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom?

[Anonymous]

I would love to be able to be a stay-at-home mom; even if it’s only for a season. I talked to a guy recently and he quoted this: “I would make my future wife work outside the home because I would want her to have a purpose”. I immediately disagreed with what he said and I even told him. Now, I personally would like to work at some point in my life, but I think women who choose to raise their kids for a living have a wonderful purpose in life. Do you agree or disagree with his statement?

[molonski2]

The essence of this question is eventually not love and nurture , its unfortunately ( like it or not ) financial. With my means now , not an issue , lovely idea , however if you dont have the means it not a good idea , also if the mother has a career , accountant , lawyer , doctor , one of the professions , its just a gap you cannot afford to take , they ( corporate ) are all nice and lovely to your face , but in reality you are giving up years of progress.
So whereas my circumstance now , I could well do it myself , and Id be an awesome Dad now ( I was a good one first time also ) my second born daughter , went straight into daycare from birth pretty much , now that girls communication skills , problem resolution , education from prep grade , was utterly unbelievable , dux of her school , multiple degrees including Science , and I often wondered how she became such a student? I can only come back to that initial stimulation that was this wonderful day care centre she attended and adored , maybe she was just like that , but we will never know.
I've expanded the question because it does have attached that detail that needs to be thought about , also some women are simply incapable of providing such care , its not an easy job , hence its a question that needs to be thought about with utterly clarity , and with education in mind , as well as emotional support , sometimes thats the mother , sometimes it not.
To the simple answer , not a problem if the means are there , and the necessary skills also , unfortunately they dont come with a manual , and remember you can't learn to speak properly , or write , if some fool speaks to you in " baby speak " , the last bit is for the future :) .

[Adam1978]

She is the one that get dependent on me. I would prefer to have the security of two incomes because I don't want to work for two. So she better have low expectations on living if she chooses that lifestyle. That said I think everyone saying that you need to live like X to have a purpose is wrong. So yeah staying home raising a family is a perfectly valid life purpose. That said you really need to think about what you will do the time when the kids leave the nest. And you don't have the same purpose anymore. Another thing you need to be sure about is that the relationship will last a lifetime. Otherwise you will have a really tough time being outside the job market combined with a low pension.

[1EVDriver]

How would I feel - show stopper. Like I better know before children are involved level show stopper.


My wife forced the stay at home mom garbage on me. She also knowingly stopped paying her bills, even though we had a joint account and she still had a small income.


The gas and water got cut off in winter on my birthday while I was holding my newborn daughter. Because she didn’t pay the two small bills she agreed to pay because they where in her name and paperless billing.


She definitely doesn’t keep the house up or dinner on the table like she said she would.


I get home from work she’s nagging that she didn’t get to take a nap or get a break - sorry no sympathy I work and still raise my children.


The only reason I’m still married is to have a daily active roll in my children’s lives - it’s the only thing that matters now. She hasn’t been able to turn me on in years, I don’t care what/who she does as long as she doesn’t abuse the kids they need their mom too. I love my kids I do not love her any more.


She’s not a beneficiary on any insurance and all property goes to my children not her.

[Interstate]

Raising a Family DOES serve purpose. Not I will say for the record that I will never be caught dead having kids (or relationships), but I have always admired Women who choose to stay home with the kids. Probably by the time the kids are entering Middle School, that would be the time to enter the workforce. Since they won't need led off the bus or babysat, that gives you the entire day to work. There is just as many imperatives in working as staying home to raise the kids and keep the house.

I would move on from dialoguing with this guy and move on to the next to talk to. He certainly isn't much of a future Parent, and comes across to me as the type to be controlling, and that is behavior that nobody should put up with.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Let me put it this way, he is correct in her having to have a purpose, he is not correct in believing that a career/work is the only purpose. If she is a stay at home mom, great, that is ideal in fact (statistically speaking). HOWEVER, that does mean she is cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, I expect her to make herself useful (no one wants some one who is not useful. Your not going to marry a guy who doesn't have a job and sits around playing video games all day and never cleans up after himself and rightly so. The same goes for women, if she is staying at home she is doing everything that is required to maintain that home, she must be of value.). So as long as a woman would agree to that (because she doesn't get to stay at home just to freeload, that has never been acceptable and no one will respect a freeloader and a woman will not respect a man that allows her to freeload), I would have no issue with it (if I'm economically able to provide that of course.).

[Rab1901]

I agree that "women who choose to raise their kids for a living have a wonderful purpose in life." My mother raised 6 children and since my father at a point in time was working 80 hours a week to feed the family, we needed a mother to be at home. Was it irresponsible for them to have 6 kids? Hmm maybe but maybe not. They got all of us to 4 year colleges so I think they did pretty well. Do you know how difficult it usually is for a family with that many children to get them all well-educated? I promise it's not easy. Some people would say that it's horrible that she let my father work all those hours, but that's just absurd especially since when my parents immigrated to America, my mother couldn't speak English but my father could. Also, there may be more to someone's story than meets the eye, so people should really watch what they say.

[RealMarek]

I think that being a stay-at-home mom is good for children and great in concept. There are just a couple problems. When women entered the workforce and immigration increased, it suppressed wage growth relative to the cost of living. If you want to he a stay-at-home mom, you will need to have a man who makes a great deal of money or accept a relatively low standard of living. Another issue is that due to feminism, a lot of stay-at-home moms started expecting their husbands to do 50% of house work in addition to working 8-12 hours a day plus commuting. This almost never works. Finally, a lot of high-income earning men who could support a stay-at-home mom are hesitant to do so because if they end up getting divorced they’ll have huge child support and alimony payments to a non-working ex-spouse. This can be mitigated by signing a pre-nuptial agreement that both parties can live with, but few women are willing to do this.

[Xitomyth]

I wouldn't care to be honest, it's her choice how she spends her time, as long she spends some time with the kids and cares about them if not for them, I'm fine with it. I'm not looking for a house wife, but a stay at home mother is fine in my book, means she prefers to care for her kids. My mother was a stay at home mom until I was old enough to start taking care of myself for a little while... If that's what you want, be honest about it and peruse it. As for the dude, he may have though you meant house wife not stay at home mom, could be his mother didn't stay at home or she did and he was caring for her... As it stands in your story, I disagree with him...

[TonyV]

Well 1 I don't make enough to support myself and someone else and won't for a while.
2 the only way I'd agree to a housewife is if she did all the choirs, all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry. I have a friends wife who wants to be a stay at home mom and the idea of her doing all the work pisses her off, in her mind even tho her only job would be watching the baby she would still expect him to take over and change diapers when he gets home after working all day to support all 3 of them, expect him to do house choirs.

Just seems like most people I've met that want to do that life style dont want to fully commit to house wife (or house spouse cause could be a stay at home dad) and it just seems to be a lot of burden on the working partner.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Terrified. Because I told her I would support her no matter what but I'm really absolutely not a fan of kids. 🤣

But more seriously, I would only be stressed about having kids and being souly responsible for paying the bills.

My ex is an artist and a cosmetologist. I'd love to pay her rent so she could stay home and work on what she loves.

And if I had kids, I'd want them to have a mom who always had time for them and was there when they needed her.

Nobody should have to work all day and be away from their kids all the time. But if someone has to keep the lights on I'd rather it be me than both of us.

[pjf1958]

Her timing would dictate my reaction. If, we both lived on the beach, and it took both of our incomes to maintain our beachfront townhouse, and maintain our standard of living, then she pulled that on me, I would listen to her reason. If it was anything other than medical condition or, genuine psychological condition then I'd do what I could to keep us at our "status quo". If, on the other hand, she said that her biological clock was ticking, and she had to quit her job. I'd tell her that she'd better get an internet job, be it as a medical transcriptionist, starting your own blog, something. The clock is ticking.

[Curmudgeon]

If I could support her, I would absolutely love it. So long as she did something with her at home time, like making the house really nice, cooking, cleaning, raising kids, etc. Of course, if she worked too, I would need to help her out in the domestic area.

The point is some kind of quid pro quo.

[SupremeWarlord]

I would respect her choice of course, stay-at-home women are extremely valuable, just like every other woman, they take care of your home and your kids, which demands a lot of work and dedication, they should be respected.

Some people scorn them, as if they were a bunch of freeloaders, ignore these people, some men (and women) see no problem in being the sole income of the household. Not everything is about money, your value as a person should not be attached to that.

But to be fair, women who work outside are looked down upon by some people also, so whatever you choose to do, some people will judge you for that, it's unavoidable.

[Alejandro3000]

You can be a stay at home mum. You just need to work hard for a while and the money you earn you then invest in something that earns you a living without having to work, could be a business or a house that pays rent.
There are also work from home jobs. It's harder to get back into work once you're out. So plan when you want children. It's not impossible and some couples do agree a stay at home parent but I've seen the negative effect on the children because the working parent had to work longer hours and theyd not see both parents whilst awake.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you 100%. There is no greater purpose than raising your children in the best environment possible, and having a mother who stays home and lets her kids know every day that they are the most important thing in her world is definitely the best thing for children.

I would love to have a wife who would stay home and take care of the children and home. in my opinion that is how it should be, if you can afford it.

I have nothing but the highest respect and admiration for women who put their family's needs before their own. It is the hardest job in the world, and the most important.

[nawtee_me]

stay at home moms are the worker that built this country. Men went to work and women stayed home to raise the kids and their job was a lot harder. Not only did they raise the kids but cooked and cleaned and did the shopping too. I applaud any women who wants to be a stay at home mom. Today it is harder because things cost more but if you can I say go for it... I'll back you up...

[Floppy2112]

I would have loved to have a traditional woman as a wife. Stick you your guns. You have all the options and leverage you can hope for, right now. Get the kind of man that can give you the life you want. Don't wait too long. Guys who are high value want young women to be mothers of their children, not older women. You are well positioned to get what you want out of life. Go for it!

[Andres77]

Taking care and raising the kids is a full time job but when the kids are older I'd expect her to be earning money somehow and helping out.

I help cook and clean around the house so that's not enough for her to do once the kids are over 12.

My wife works so it's not been an issue.

[Nawlins34]

I agree with the statement. I wouldn't have a problem with my fiancee wanting to be a SAHM, she's communicating with me about it. So long as we have that and we have a mapped out plan that makes sense, I'm for it.

That guy you mentioned, simply doesn't value staying at home with the kids, those 1st 5yrs of a child's life are extremely crucial.

[Qdbrown]

After hacing the strong ambitious working wife, now ex, I can tell you better to have a home-based mom rasing the kids right, and often more cheaply than having a kid to pay for expensive daycare and all that junk.

Keep it simple, keep a real wife. A working wife that is has a real job or career is not a good mother. Something has to give.

A stay at home mom is pure gold.

[maruf09]

Her timing would dictate my reaction. If, we both lived on the beach, and it took both of our incomes to maintain our beachfront townhouse, and maintain our standard of living, then she pulled that on me, I would listen to her reason. If it was anything other than medical condition or, genuine psychological condition then I'd do what I could to keep us at our "status quo". If, on the other hand, she said that her biological clock was ticking, and she had to quit her job. I'd tell her that she'd better get an internet job, be it as a medical transcriptionist, starting your own blog, something. The clock is ticking. h

[MysteriousDarkness]

@maruf09
I see you copied and pasted what pjf1958 said.

[JackSmy]

Simple, I just don't chose ones like that. I choose ones that want a career, AND a family. Right now, not so much the relationship/family thing, and it's good, because the one I am with is trying to figure out the "career" part, since COVID messed up a lot of things!

[ChrisBlue1]

A stay at Home Mom is a Double Full Time Job to say the least !!! World is just ignorant , just brush it off. Block the guy and send him on his way to go look for his sci Fi Future Wife lol Plus knowing that someone is at home always when ya get there is a BIG + for sure:) Nothing like being able to Ravish someone you care about as soon as ya walk through the door !~:) Just my opinion:) In short DO YOU !!! NOONE CAN TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD DO OR BE !!!

[cth96190]

I support your desire and the right to choose it.
Onviously, you will have to restrict your dating options to men who can afford to finance what you want.
Mother and home maker is the natural and proper role of a wife.
When I was looking for a woman, the plan was always to have her at home looking after the rug rats.

[MannMitAntworten]

My lone stipulation in a significant other is that whatever they choose to do, that they do it exceedingly well and that it keeps them happy. This is mostly for my own peace and sanity as I know if they are miserable … Well, shit rolls down hill and tends to gather at my doorstep.

[IAMNathanael]

Whatever she wants is her purpose. I guess that makes me the bread winner? I think ideally we'd both be earning some income and share household responsibilities. We'll each be making some compromises too.

[The_Other]

I agree with him.

When all the financial burden is on one person, it can lead to depression and depression can lead to many other terrible things. Suspicion, insecurity, etc etc. Before you know it: divorce.
I've also taken care of kids at home, its not real work as some women claim, it's shockingly easy.

Also in this era where divorce is very common, wouldn't women rather be financially stable than wait for the courts to give them money they didn't actually work for?

[Fireguy17]

Great, my mom was the same.
There could be possible financial issues with that, such as do both have to work to afford your current life style, make the house, car etc. payments.
Sometimes cuts have to be made to be able to do that.
Sit down and figure it out to see if it is possible to do.

[Matt57]

I totally agree. I prefer a stay at home mom, but when the kids are old enough to take care of themselves at home, she can work if she likes. I personally don’t believe in being a stay at home dad because children are all about mommy for the first few years.

[Alexandrubaschet08]

I agree whit you.
But i will expect her to accept me to inspect her anytime i want if i work and she stay all the time at home.
If she don't want to be inspected all the time "where you are?, what you do? Show me!, Prove me..."
Then i will not accept to let her like that.

[Liber8CopWatch]

Honestly in a perfect world I would fully support that but with the economy the way it is and the cost of living it is almost next to impossible to have one party working and the other staying home, hell even daycare is becoming completely unaffordable, You and your significant other would have to be filthy rich in order to afford that kind of financial lifestyle, hell a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread are becoming outrageously expensive

[Blueeyes81]

They have a purpose but they are not for me. All my friends with stay at home wives are fucking miserable because they live to work. Between all the hours they out in at work and then their parental duties they have no personal time and it shows.