Guys, how would you feel if your woman told you she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom?

[Anonymous]

I would love to be able to be a stay-at-home mom; even if it’s only for a season. I talked to a guy recently and he quoted this: “I would make my future wife work outside the home because I would want her to have a purpose”. I immediately disagreed with what he said and I even told him. Now, I personally would like to work at some point in my life, but I think women who choose to raise their kids for a living have a wonderful purpose in life. Do you agree or disagree with his statement?

[molonski2]

The essence of this question is eventually not love and nurture , its unfortunately ( like it or not ) financial. With my means now , not an issue , lovely idea , however if you dont have the means it not a good idea , also if the mother has a career , accountant , lawyer , doctor , one of the professions , its just a gap you cannot afford to take , they ( corporate ) are all nice and lovely to your face , but in reality you are giving up years of progress.
So whereas my circumstance now , I could well do it myself , and Id be an awesome Dad now ( I was a good one first time also ) my second born daughter , went straight into daycare from birth pretty much , now that girls communication skills , problem resolution , education from prep grade , was utterly unbelievable , dux of her school , multiple degrees including Science , and I often wondered how she became such a student? I can only come back to that initial stimulation that was this wonderful day care centre she attended and adored , maybe she was just like that , but we will never know.
I've expanded the question because it does have attached that detail that needs to be thought about , also some women are simply incapable of providing such care , its not an easy job , hence its a question that needs to be thought about with utterly clarity , and with education in mind , as well as emotional support , sometimes thats the mother , sometimes it not.
To the simple answer , not a problem if the means are there , and the necessary skills also , unfortunately they dont come with a manual , and remember you can't learn to speak properly , or write , if some fool speaks to you in " baby speak " , the last bit is for the future :) .

[Adam1978]

She is the one that get dependent on me. I would prefer to have the security of two incomes because I don't want to work for two. So she better have low expectations on living if she chooses that lifestyle. That said I think everyone saying that you need to live like X to have a purpose is wrong. So yeah staying home raising a family is a perfectly valid life purpose. That said you really need to think about what you will do the time when the kids leave the nest. And you don't have the same purpose anymore. Another thing you need to be sure about is that the relationship will last a lifetime. Otherwise you will have a really tough time being outside the job market combined with a low pension.

[1EVDriver]

How would I feel - show stopper. Like I better know before children are involved level show stopper.


My wife forced the stay at home mom garbage on me. She also knowingly stopped paying her bills, even though we had a joint account and she still had a small income.


The gas and water got cut off in winter on my birthday while I was holding my newborn daughter. Because she didn’t pay the two small bills she agreed to pay because they where in her name and paperless billing.


She definitely doesn’t keep the house up or dinner on the table like she said she would.


I get home from work she’s nagging that she didn’t get to take a nap or get a break - sorry no sympathy I work and still raise my children.


The only reason I’m still married is to have a daily active roll in my children’s lives - it’s the only thing that matters now. She hasn’t been able to turn me on in years, I don’t care what/who she does as long as she doesn’t abuse the kids they need their mom too. I love my kids I do not love her any more.


She’s not a beneficiary on any insurance and all property goes to my children not her.

[Interstate]

Raising a Family DOES serve purpose. Not I will say for the record that I will never be caught dead having kids (or relationships), but I have always admired Women who choose to stay home with the kids. Probably by the time the kids are entering Middle School, that would be the time to enter the workforce. Since they won't need led off the bus or babysat, that gives you the entire day to work. There is just as many imperatives in working as staying home to raise the kids and keep the house.

I would move on from dialoguing with this guy and move on to the next to talk to. He certainly isn't much of a future Parent, and comes across to me as the type to be controlling, and that is behavior that nobody should put up with.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Let me put it this way, he is correct in her having to have a purpose, he is not correct in believing that a career/work is the only purpose. If she is a stay at home mom, great, that is ideal in fact (statistically speaking). HOWEVER, that does mean she is cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, I expect her to make herself useful (no one wants some one who is not useful. Your not going to marry a guy who doesn't have a job and sits around playing video games all day and never cleans up after himself and rightly so. The same goes for women, if she is staying at home she is doing everything that is required to maintain that home, she must be of value.). So as long as a woman would agree to that (because she doesn't get to stay at home just to freeload, that has never been acceptable and no one will respect a freeloader and a woman will not respect a man that allows her to freeload), I would have no issue with it (if I'm economically able to provide that of course.).

[Rab1901]

I agree that "women who choose to raise their kids for a living have a wonderful purpose in life." My mother raised 6 children and since my father at a point in time was working 80 hours a week to feed the family, we needed a mother to be at home. Was it irresponsible for them to have 6 kids? Hmm maybe but maybe not. They got all of us to 4 year colleges so I think they did pretty well. Do you know how difficult it usually is for a family with that many children to get them all well-educated? I promise it's not easy. Some people would say that it's horrible that she let my father work all those hours, but that's just absurd especially since when my parents immigrated to America, my mother couldn't speak English but my father could. Also, there may be more to someone's story than meets the eye, so people should really watch what they say.

[RealMarek]

I think that being a stay-at-home mom is good for children and great in concept. There are just a couple problems. When women entered the workforce and immigration increased, it suppressed wage growth relative to the cost of living. If you want to he a stay-at-home mom, you will need to have a man who makes a great deal of money or accept a relatively low standard of living. Another issue is that due to feminism, a lot of stay-at-home moms started expecting their husbands to do 50% of house work in addition to working 8-12 hours a day plus commuting. This almost never works. Finally, a lot of high-income earning men who could support a stay-at-home mom are hesitant to do so because if they end up getting divorced they’ll have huge child support and alimony payments to a non-working ex-spouse. This can be mitigated by signing a pre-nuptial agreement that both parties can live with, but few women are willing to do this.

[Xitomyth]

I wouldn't care to be honest, it's her choice how she spends her time, as long she spends some time with the kids and cares about them if not for them, I'm fine with it. I'm not looking for a house wife, but a stay at home mother is fine in my book, means she prefers to care for her kids. My mother was a stay at home mom until I was old enough to start taking care of myself for a little while... If that's what you want, be honest about it and peruse it. As for the dude, he may have though you meant house wife not stay at home mom, could be his mother didn't stay at home or she did and he was caring for her... As it stands in your story, I disagree with him...

[TonyV]

Well 1 I don't make enough to support myself and someone else and won't for a while.
2 the only way I'd agree to a housewife is if she did all the choirs, all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry. I have a friends wife who wants to be a stay at home mom and the idea of her doing all the work pisses her off, in her mind even tho her only job would be watching the baby she would still expect him to take over and change diapers when he gets home after working all day to support all 3 of them, expect him to do house choirs.

Just seems like most people I've met that want to do that life style dont want to fully commit to house wife (or house spouse cause could be a stay at home dad) and it just seems to be a lot of burden on the working partner.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Terrified. Because I told her I would support her no matter what but I'm really absolutely not a fan of kids. 🤣

But more seriously, I would only be stressed about having kids and being souly responsible for paying the bills.

My ex is an artist and a cosmetologist. I'd love to pay her rent so she could stay home and work on what she loves.

And if I had kids, I'd want them to have a mom who always had time for them and was there when they needed her.

Nobody should have to work all day and be away from their kids all the time. But if someone has to keep the lights on I'd rather it be me than both of us.

[pjf1958]

Her timing would dictate my reaction. If, we both lived on the beach, and it took both of our incomes to maintain our beachfront townhouse, and maintain our standard of living, then she pulled that on me, I would listen to her reason. If it was anything other than medical condition or, genuine psychological condition then I'd do what I could to keep us at our "status quo". If, on the other hand, she said that her biological clock was ticking, and she had to quit her job. I'd tell her that she'd better get an internet job, be it as a medical transcriptionist, starting your own blog, something. The clock is ticking.

[Curmudgeon]

If I could support her, I would absolutely love it. So long as she did something with her at home time, like making the house really nice, cooking, cleaning, raising kids, etc. Of course, if she worked too, I would need to help her out in the domestic area.

The point is some kind of quid pro quo.