My fiancés mum treats me like a stranger after 9 years of being together. She excludes me out of every gathering and my partner never on my side. Should I leave the guy?

[Christine8]

She came into our house on his birthday and wouldn’t even say hello and not even talk to me. Then she excludes me from every single gathering.
My father just had a heart attack and she couldn’t even say sorry to hear or care..
My partner is always on her side and says she is so nice to me!
He never even cares how much it hurts.. and my family are so nice to him and include him in like family.
I am a very family orientated person and thinking if I have kids with this guy what would happen if she is like this to me.
should I leave this guy as life would be so hard with him always on her side and never listening or caring about me?

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Sounds like to me she doesn't want her boy to grow up and be a man she probably babies him too and does his laundry, cooks all the meals does the cleaning..

He doesn't see what you see his glasses are jaded he loves his mom.. its your word against hers abd since she brought him into this world she will always have the upper hand.. I would suggest getting a place together if he's not willing break up... his mom runs his life he will never be a man.

If you guys already live together and they dont include you.. How does he not say something like: Hey mom can she come along too? Well if she can't then I am not interested im a grown ass man I dont need mommy coming around just cause its my birthday I would honestly rather celebrate it with my woman.. no offense.

If he thinks your wrong or over reacting in this situation totally than I would call her up and record the whole conversation. Say Hello I am going to skip the small talk.. Why is it that you dont include me in anything? Be prepared for her to say cause I dont like you.. then ask why? Then you have a bit of an understanding.. I did this once was the guys father he wanted him with a lady that went to their church. I wasn't brought up catholic (I was penicostal, bapist, and non denominational all different types of Christianity) so I broke up with him... he cried why? I said whats the use your dad hates me but that doesn't affect my decision.. I said he doesn't want me with you there's nothing I can do to change his mind... he said im going to call my dad he wouldn't say that.. his dad lied said how I must not see his value like Crystal did. I didn't deserve him in the first place. I said who are you going to believe he said my dad your just being spiteful.. I said so this is the end he said yup good luck to ya.. I said you too! I sent him the recording so he know the truth he bagged me to be his again but I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was beyond hurt. Now I have a man 1000x better! You deserve better!

[Christine8]

Wow I’m so happy you have found a man that is so much better and that you left him. That is so good!
Yeah we live together, I have told him how it makes me feel many times like I am just a stranger and not his partner and he just yells and then ignores me and tells me to say sorry as his mum is nothing but nice to me over the years lol. How can he say this? When she has done nothing but exclude me from every gathering, does not talk to me, and makes it feel like I am just a stranger. The truth is he would pick his mothers side any day as he always says “she is nothing but nice to you”
He goes to see his mum every week to help her with chores like cutting wood up. He just loves his mum so much he doesn’t care what I say or how it makes me feel

[PeacefulRainDrop]

So he's denying your feeling and yelling at you like a child! My man doesn't yell at me not once other then asking me to come here.. he's the I can do it myself type and usually gets himself into a jam.. not once has he called me anything degrading.. once I am in the same room he's not yelling! he's not hearing you out thats wrong your feelings and thoughts do matter even if your wrong he should hear you out.. put himself in your shoes then tell you why your wrong.. but he seems like its his way or the highway type... there's plenty of single men out there that will treat you better..

If you have a one on one conversation with her you might understand why she acts the way she does. If you want to continue being with this fella. Just ask her why she's never included in their family gatherings? Did you ever do anything to offend her? Its been borthing you and you can't understand why she doesn't like you. So please tell you so you can correct it and you two can actually begin to get to know each other. That you both are valuable in his life.

Listen girl getting him to go between you and his mom isn't working. You need to stand up for yourself talking to her. All her ask her to go out for coffee on you. A little mother in law time! Explain to her you actually want to have a relationship with her? Ask her why she doesn't include you. Maybe she thinks you dont want to be there... I dont know just you have communication issues with your man and if he's been the go between she could basically not like you cause he explained something the wrong way. If you dont talk to her things will get worse.. talk to her without him around or walk away and never return.

[Christine8]

You are so right to him he loves his mum so much he can’t see that she is doing anything wrong. To him she is doing nothing wrong she loves her son and daughter and just wants to spend time with the two of them and not have me come along. And he is happy to go to gatherings without me as he thinks this is normal for his family and wants his mum and sister to be happy.
Not really caring how hurtful this is to me.
That’s been the problem I mean we have been living together for two years now since it took him that long to move out from his mum. Why can’t he just say mum I’m bringing her along, it’s like he wants to make her happy over me and that is what truly hurts.
And you guessed it.. he is the type of guy that it’s his way or the Highway he has always been this way. I already thought of writing her a message to tell her how hurtful it is but thinking it’s just not worth it as she is not suffering it’s just me. In her eyes she is doing nothing wrong. She loves her son and daughter and doesn’t want anyone else to attend gatherings as she doesn’t really know me never did she want to get to know me as a person or care for me as her sons partner.
Her response will probably be I just like to spend time with my son and daughter and there is no crime in that she would say.
It’s clear the problem is in my partner as if he truly loved me he would feel so bad to see me not included and tell his mum that I am coming along but instead he chooses his mum’s side and says she is doing nothing wrong. And you can see it so well that I have communication issues with him as when I bring these concerns up he will get angry with me and just say I am being crazy. I am so happy that you got a good man I don’t think it’s nice for anyone in the world to be treated the way I have. Thanks again for all your advice and help

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Does his sister have a boyfriend? Maybe talking to him how he copes with not being included might help? Maybe him (his sisters man) and you should go over to her place and share how you guys both feel.

I am doubtful that boy is really to be a man might be better off breaking up and waiting for better! there's definitely better starting new can be scary but he's got a lot of growing up to do and dont give him a second chance!! He seems to be consumed by himself and losing you would be a harsh taste to reality! Show him he can't control everything that its not good for you mentally to love him! Marriage won't make this situation better so find a man that treasures you and a family that accepts you as their own daughter!

[Christine8]

No his sister doesn’t have a boyfriend and has never had one and is 32 years old. She is very confident and a bit selfish the ways she speaks.
His mum is single.. so it’s really his mum sister and him and they have always been that way just them three as my partners father lives some where else and the thing is his father is very nice and always respectful to me.
My partner has said to me on few occasions that this is just “his mum’s personality” and tbh it looks like she does not like many people at all in life and only really likes her daughter and son.
I am a person that finds change hard but thinking I have to go as yes it is mentally hard living with someone who does not listen to how I feel and that everything has to be done his way or the Highway as I hate it when he gets angry and just ignores me. I rather just have peace and get along.. I mean I have waited many years for him and things can only be done in his terms over the years,, does make it mentally and emotionally draining.. thank you again for your advice it’s much appreciated

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Thats tough sweetie well you got what you wanted to live with him but its not what you expect.. he will be fine trust me his mommy will make sure of it.. she's holding her children back I feel sorry for them but more over I feel sorry for you being in a relationship with a man who can't think for himself.. who brings his mommy into every argument.. tells his mom the good things before he tells you... how every problem that arises is your fault thats the biggest one... staying with him is going to damage you.. a real man wouldn't treat you like this!! This isn't going to change if you stay with him your whole life will be like this!! You dont want that! I understand you love him and what could have been but you have to love yourself more and know you deserve more!! If its your place say you want him back at his moms the end of the month you can't do this anymore with a man that won't hear you out just yells at you over everything! Your tried of feeling like your alone in this relationship and like your always the bad guy.. you want out... you will always love him but this clearly isn't working and you guys need to go your separate ways cause girl it wouldn't matter to me how physically attractive he is, how good in bed he is, or how helpful he is which honestly im guessing you do the cooking and cleaning while he plays video games.. just what I picture.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I wouldn't put anymore time towards that! His mother will be spiteful and hateful so avoid her now.. she will never see your side to things... she will tell horrible lies just ignore it.. he will cry like a baby let him just walk away like he does to you.. id suggest moving. Or letting him live there and call your landlord and get your name off the lease and live somewhere else cause everything will remind you of him. Truth is at this point your in love with the idea of him then actually with him... it be easy for him to change he has no desire its probably why his mother and after didn't stay together cause everything was always his fault.. I go as far to say this mother is mentally abusive.. why he can't handle a small disagreement he shuts down and stops listening just starts yelling. I would call the landlord take my name off the lease first then pack up all my shit and took it to a friends/family place before I broke up with him.. if the couch is yours wait until after you break up get a moving truck for the bigger stuff.. tell him you will still pay your portion of the rent for Sept (would be unfair and cruel to leave him in a bind last minute) but he's going to have to figure the rest out on his own... put all your stuff in a storage locker or in someone elses garage except an over night bag and couch hop until you find a place to live.. its not easy but in the long run I believe you will be happier than you are now once your settled in you place you look back think why did I allow myself to put up with that? You meet a man and his family adores you will be better than your wildest dreams! It takes uncomfortable places that lead us to the best places!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

If you want to take the easy way and stay there's no use thinking about this anymore it will just upset you and you can't force someone to change the harsh reality is there's nothing you can do or say to make this situation better.. be thankful for what you do have food to eat, warm house, a bed to sleep in and stop wishing on stars for something to happen when none of those 3 people can ever admit they did anything wrong.. leaving is never easy especially when you still love the person but when the relationship isn't worth saving (not trying to be mean but you think it needs saving if your list of things could change he probably thinks your relationship is perfect there's no changing his opinion cause he won't even listen) you need to love yourself more and get yourself out of there! Loving him and leaving him can happen cause you realize you two aren't a good match it happens... you have to do things that make you happy.. to have a guy by your side to just have a guy by your side is pointless.. you need someone who adds value to your life...

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

BIASED MHO

[JustAnj]

End the relationship it's not helping you and worst case scenario your kids will also be like her because you chose to stay. You have a chance now to walk away before it gets serious and if does not defend you and takes her side imagine your wedding day imagine when you are in labor imagine all the events in your life were he chose his mom over you and your kids.

Sweetie at this point who wants to live like that, you don't need to be sure in this you already know that you have to walk away. ❤️

[Christine8]

Yes I have thought about this too.. imagine I am in labour and his mum would say to him I need help with something now and he would go.. or the way I would want to raise the children to be welcoming and kind to everyone and his mum would try to tell him to raise the children in another way. I need the strength to walk away as this will never end well and I would always be the one to suffer

[Robert123456789]

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarassing herself to post things like this. Hope you see the truth now :)

[Finchie40]

Yes that type of situation is very hard, so I don’t blame you for leaving that relationship , 9 years is a long time to not be accepted by your partner’s family if your boyfriend is still siding with his parents after all this time , then your boyfriend is not right for you , if he really loved you he would exclude his parents to be by your side and make it clear to his parents that he loves you and if they can’t accept you then they will not see him anymore as well , Your boyfriend doesn’t have to hate his parents but for respect for his relationship with you he should limit his time seeing his parents and just keep things to talking over the phone once in awhile until his parents realize what they are doing to you is wrong , if he can’t do that for you then you are in the wrong relationship , My Dad went through this with his parents with my Mom , My Grandmother hated my Mom and excluded her , my Mom put her foot down and told my Dad it’s either me or your parents , My Dad stayed by my mom’s side , that’s the type of partner you need , when someone makes you their number 1 priority in a relationship then that’s the person you should marry , family and friends and kids come last when it comes to your partner , because when you are lying on your death bed 1 day the only person that will be by your side will be your partner if you make them a priority as well

[Christine8]

Thank you for your advice.
I have already tried to talk to him about it and every time I do he screams and says I need to say sorry and that his mum is doing nothing wrong by just wanting to spend time with him and he can not even see my point of view when I am just saying I would like to be included in just the main functions like birthdays.
I am a friendly person and have always been nice but she has never talked to me over the years and she gets upset when he attends my Christmas or Easter lunches with my family and then he gets upset because his mum is.
Makes it hard as we got engaged.
And my partner is always on his mum’s side and said he will chose her if I say a thing mean about her.
Your mum is lucky to have found your dad that is just amazing a man that will be by his wife’s side and support her and make her the number 1 priority. That is beautiful

[Finchie40]

I am sorry to hear you are going through this , honestly you should really reconsider your engagement to this guy , the fact that he is choosing his mom over you is not good , be prepared for a lifetime of misery standing by his side sorry to say , your fiancé doesn’t value you he likes the convenience of you , if he truly loved you and appreciated you his parents would come last , People that put others first over a committed partner are people that shouldn’t be getting into relationships , especially marriage , they don’t know the true meaning of love and commitment, they are selfish people , so again you are probably best to end that relationship and realize you deserve someone that will make you a priority like you make them , Parents can be very toxic when it comes to their son or daughter getting involved with someone , No one is ever good enough for their son or daughter , when a son or daughter chooses their parents side , that’s a huge red flag that they aren’t capable of truly loving someone without their parents permission , A real partner stands by their partners side no matter what , whether he or she agrees with their partner or not , The fact that he is getting mad at you for not accepting the way his Mother treats you and not hearing you out just shows his true colors that he is a coward and doesn’t deserve you , Life is too short to settle with someone that doesn’t make you a priority

[PeacefulRainDrop]

there's wisdom here!

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

biased MHO

[Finchie40]

Well you and Christine definitely need some counseling if you both want your relationship to survive , But it doesn’t sound like you 2 should be together sadly to say especially if she cheating was in the picture , that should be both your answers right there to walk away from each other honestly

[hahahmm]

A real man would kick his own mom out of his house if she tried disrespecting his fiance/long term girlfriend. He also wouldn't participate in trying to make his woman feel isolated/unwanted.

He doesn't view the relationship as serious & he doesn't respect you. This also means that he won't be capable of being loyal to you -- he's already shown that but I mean he won't be capable of being committed to you as a husband either. Now in your mind you have believed his words and come to think of the relationship as serious. Your best move is to dump him.. no matter what words he speaks to try and get you to stay. Don't even get into a discussion/argument with him cause there's no point. I guess if you leave there's a small chance he will change his ways and want you back but I wouldn't trust him at this point. You already wasted 9 years of your life, basically.

There's a term for a guy like this: a momma's boy. But he has an extreme case. There's milder versions. Still I'd tell a woman not to marry any of them.


The good news is that you can use this as a life lesson & know how to identify a guy who isn't worth taking seriously from day 1 or week 1.

[Christine8]

Thanks for all the advice. This is 100 % how I feel. I have wasted 9 years with this guy and out all my dreams on hold for him. What I wanted never really mattered. He has just told me what I want to hear and has never respected me or how I feel.
I’m sure if I leave his mum would be very happy and so would he, because he would just go find some one younger. I just want to be happy and think the answer is clear to just leave and find someone that actually loves and respects me.. if this even happens in the real world

[hahahmm]

And even tho you wasted 9 years, don't feel too bad. You dodged a bullet by. not marrying him. You still can find the right guy. Most of us learn the hard way. I wasted more time in my life.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

BIASED MHO

[hahahmm]

@ItsMeItsMe1989 All MHOs are biased. There just usually isn't someone whining about it like you are.

[Robert123456789]

There was never any disrespect. See other posts - turns out original poster was deluded :)

[Robert123456789]

There are two sides to every story. I am the fiancee - what a shock to find the person who says she loves me posting awful things here. How awful.

She came into our house on his birthday and wouldn’t even say hello and not even talk to me. Then she excludes me from every single gathering
She came during a lockdown breaking the law so quietly entered. She then said hello. It was my birthday after all, so i would be the centre of attention right? My family does not do a lot in the way of activities, but every time (e. g. movies) she is invited. She has never ONCE driven to see my family. She has never ONCE taken them anywhere or done anything. Every time i say 'would you like to come' she says no. Every time i go and assist with something to help there (e. g. help with firewood) she says she won't go. But every time her parents need help (I painted their whole front porch) i am there no questions asked.

My father just had a heart attack and she couldn’t even say sorry to hear or care..
She sent you a text message. I didn't even ask her to.

My partner is always on her side and says she is so nice to me!
She has never said a mean word. You have called her a whore, bitch, ugly, and all sorts of awful things. Unbelievable things. She is always so kind to you - when I drive you to visit at Christmas she gives you food and presents. Yesterday she gave chocolate muffins and you threw them on the floor.

He never even cares how much it hurts.. and my family are so nice to him and include him in like family.
I drive to see your mum and dad. I am so kind, polite, caring. I listen. I bring gifts every time. I mostly just sit there and do nothing at all but that is fine. Its what you do for family - you make effort to your parents in law. Your mum gave some money and said it was for Christmas and to use the money for a dinner together. You took the money. You never took me to dinner. And you did this the last 3 years in a row.

I am a very family orientated person and thinking if I have kids with this guy what would happen if she is like this to me.
I am family orientated. Just like my family. Maybe my family dont go to all you can eat buffets non stop and we prefer to go on a nice walk instead but every family is different. And criticising anyone for being a nice person just makes you seem awful.
should I leave this guy as life would be so hard with him always on her side and never listening or caring about me?
For the record - Christine has cheated on me for 9 months. She has called me the most sickening names and I dont want to mention the physical assaults. She has made death threats against me and my mother. I have sacrificed everything and asked her many times to get mental health assistance. I love you, please get help.

[Interstate]

If he doesn't stand up and say something to her in your defense, considering it has been NINE YEARS of engagement, and him looking the other way at her behavior, it is time to cut your losses. It is imminently clear your feelings aren't important to him, not to mention the fact it sounds as though he puts his family first instead of accommodating you to fit in with them. If this has been going on for NINE YEARS... this is a MAJOR red flag this future marriage is already circling the drain. Break it off and move on with life.

[Christine8]

Thank you. Yes you are right. It has been nine long years and he could never ever say anything or at least see how it would hurt me to be excluded from gathering such as Easter. He has always put his mum and sister fist things have never changed. One birthday his sister messaged me and said she would like to take her brother out for his birthday if that’s ok? I got upset asked him why could I not attend for his own birthday? I said I already planned something special for me, than she said she will take him out the day after and she only booked for the two of them. My partners response was “my sister was so nice yo do that for me she is allowed to spend time with just me” you are just controlling!

[Interstate]

This situation is telling me he isn't as serious about you as he is leading on. He isn't making you a priority, and is putting his immediate family above you full-time. It just goes to show who he thinks more of. Christine... he doesn't love you. Otherwise he would recognize you more, and would make more of an effort to prioritize getting a Wedding date set. I hate being blunt like that, but anybody who LOVES their fiance would see to it that she didn't get the mistreatment you have endured. It is time to break it off and move on with life. If I can be of any more help, please feel free to reach out. In the meantime, good luck!!

[Christine8]

Thank you for your advice, no it’s not blunt at all, it does make a lot sense what you are saying.
If he was as serious about me he would care how much it hurts for me to be excluded from functions for no reason and yes he would put me and marriage as a priority but he never has, he always put his hobbies, his mum and sister ahead of me. Thank you again for your assistance you have helped me to realise I am not just being silly and I am making sense myself.. I did always feel like I was at the bottom of his priority list.

[Interstate]

You are very very welcome! And if you felt at the bottom of the list, that is ANOTHER red flag. Sometimes we miss the signs, so don't feel badly if you missed it. Now it is time to spend time to yourself (single if it were me), focus on your life, and treasure your friends and family. At least THEY love you and will do everything they can to get you through this.

[Interstate]

Ps. And like I said last night, I will help you, too if you need it, along with your family and friends. Sometimes we need to "source outside" when we feel friends and family have gone as far as they can.

[Christine8]

Thank you! Your so very kind I appreciate that
Yes that’s true, I am very lucky to have my lovely family and friends who do love me and have always been by my side in my life.

[Interstate]

Amen to that.

[loveslongnails]

The problem is two fold - problem #1 obviously is his mom is a bitch for not accepting you. Maybe she's envious that you're taking her little baby away from her, or that he might love you more than he loves her. Who knows? But problem #2 is -- what has HE done about it to straighten her out, or does he just take it from her and do nothing?

If he's not in his mom's face for being a bitch to you, and telling her you're the girl he loves and you're going to be in his life, that's a HUGE issue. He should have stepped up LONG ago and put his mom in her place. If that didn't work, he should have dropped out of the family gatherings altogether because you guys are a package deal.

Time to consider if you are with a wimpy ass mama's boy who won't stand up for the woman he loves. If that's the case, why the heck would you want to have kids with him? Nothing good will come of that. And obviously too - why stay with him if doesn't fight for you?

[Christine8]

Thanks for your advice. Yes this is so true I know that is just her a bitch and the way she has treated me is nothing but awful but the fact that he doesn’t care about me or fight for me and want me to be happy hurts.
I tried many times over the years to say it hurts so much how his mum treats me and instead of saying I’m sorry and listening to me about how it makes me feel he says “she has done nothing wrong to you, this is who she is” I mean it’s just so hurtful. You are right he is not fighting for me in fact he never would I think you have helped me to realise I should value my self a lot more and go find someone that would be by my side in life

[loveslongnails]

Please message me.

[Christine8]

I tried to message you but it won’t let me as I don’t have enough points it said..

[Robert123456789]

My mum always accepted her and was nothing but loving and kind. Christine never went to any effort with me or my family. Ever. Not even once would she drive to visit. Not once has she offered to take my family anywhere or spend time with them or anything. Its very sad. Its a disgrace i have tolerated for a long time. I have felt so unloved for a long time. And I was on my own from 18, Christine did not move out until her 30s and still calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly every day!! WTF!!

[Robert123456789]

Cheating again are we? 9 month affair not enough?

[Keyboardkat]

Christine, I think you've answered your own question. First, many marriages fail because one of the partners fails to make the transition from owing first loyalty to their parents to the new paradigm of owing first loyalty to their spouse. He doesn't understand that once you get married, your wife comes FIRST! If Mama doesn't like it, well, maybe she wouldn't like ANY girl who had her son's heart, 'cause no girl is good enough for her perfect sonny-boy!
And I have a question: If he's your fiance, why are you blundering around FOR NINE YEARS in an engagement? It shouldn't take nine years for you two to find out what you need to know about each other. If he can't commit, that's another big red flag. Maybe he likes being mamma's boy. But in this case, you have a chance to dodge the bullet!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Yes the 9 year engagement stuck out to me too.. I wouldn't be engaged 9 years! I didn't have guts to say it like you did! I dont think he's actually knows what he's doing and expecting his mom to guide him cause he's not listening to you..

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I bet you even had to pressure him for that engagement.. realty can be harsh be thankful you didn't walk down the isle

[PeacefulRainDrop]

The end goal isn't to be married its to be happy!

[Robert123456789]

@ItsMeItsMe1989

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[JustinTimberlegs]

There might be different sides to the story but if he won't even acknowledge the problem and how you feel I would not proceed with the relationship. What happens when you have other issues in the future and he just dismisses them? It's clearly affecting you, he at least has to acknowledge that. Whether his mum is ignoring you or not can be a matter of perspective but he needs to care about how you feel at the very least.

[Christine8]

Thank you for your advice. Yes I have found this to be a big problem every time I voice an opinion on issues in our relationship or something I would like to talk about he just dismisses it and can never see my point of view on any argument we have but he just says that it is all my fault and I just need to be nice and everything would be fine with us. Always hard because he never seems to care about my feelings and how I feel

[JustinTimberlegs]

I'm sorry he's that way, that sounds very difficult to live with. You deserve to feel like your opinion matters and that you are valued. Maybe couples counseling can help if he's willing to change, but I really wish better for you.

It must be hard because you've been together for so long. Sending all the love and support, I hope you have supportive friends and family to help you though this time.

[Christine8]

Thank you so much for your advice I really appreciate it, you are very kind.

[Robert123456789]

Yes definitely two sides to the story

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[LindsayR07]

After 9 years if you are considering leaving over an external factor, it says there may be other factors at work on that.

To the issue at hand, did you kill her dog or something? Honestly, I would confront her about how you are a family oriented person, and she needs to decide if you are family or not, how you feel excluded from family events and feel like an outsider. Put the ball in her court, explaining that you're good either way, but you need to know where you and her grandchildren will stand before you and her son start a family.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

She raises a good point your guys kids how will they be treated? Do you really want them to be treated like you?

[Robert123456789]

The interesting thing is that the mother didn't do anything wrong. She is a quiet caring person who has always invited Christine to anything we do (maybe movies 1 time a year, there are no birthday celebrations like her family does - there is no effort from their part at birthdays either i just drive myself and eat and then go). Christine has never once visited her. I said did she want to see her more when i assist with chores (its all i do really, chores and a small walk with her) but she said no. My mother has never said a mean word only the nicest words and kind thoughtful things and compliments and even though Christine makes no effort my mum still makes her cookies and cupcakes etc. At Christmas she makes Christine dinner and is so kind, like always. Me and my family believe in loving and kind always. Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily. She struggled to detach from her mum as she didn't move out until her 30s. Christine doesn't believe in love and kindness - as this post shows! Good to hear both sides of the story hey. Refreshing isn't it :)

[ohshee]

Well to be honest if I was you tell no I would not leaving I would say Let's go see your mother almost every other day. And whether she wanted to talk to me or not I would carry on half an hour long conversation with her just to watch her face

[Christine8]

Haha this made me laugh a lot! I should try that she probably would get up and leave the room lol

[ohshee]

Yeah but that's okay just get up and follow right behind her to keep talking about everything everything if you're her best friend like you're a little puppy dog

[ohshee]

So you must be very beautiful because can you guys bring some a beautiful girl the mother does not like them and if you sit there and talk to them like that and you follow them around talking to them like that they're going to laugh they have to laugh and they'll welcome you with open arms

[PeacefulRainDrop]

This is something to try!

[ohshee]

It might be fun unless she's a smart lady and she pays attention you'd almost have to respect you for doing that with a smile

[Surely]

After nine years, you should have a pretty good idea of what the rest of your life will be looking like. If that is acceptable to you, then stick around.
I will let you answer the alternative.
I know it will be hard to leave, but happiness is important to your good health!

[Robert123456789]

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

How annoying, i'd honestly leave that. He seems to have a controlling mother and isn't telling you at all that he would stand by your side.

[Christine8]

Thank you. You can not imagine how hard it has been with his mother being so awful and controlling and him always putting her first. I just wish she could just say of course it’s ok she attends just special functions. Everybody I have talked to over the years just doesn’t understand how a mother could totally disregard their sons partner to the extreme of excluding from special gatherings such as birthdays Christmas Easter

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

That's sad.
My brother's wife perhaps had a good instinct and bad. She excludes our parents from seeing the grandchildren and turned on the night of the civil wedding. The brother in this case is on her side which is fair. However I had not done anything to her or my brother and they were horrible to me but super nice to my twin. This is ofcourse after I helped with their wedding plans which had no disasters but my twin helped by giving my brother money to pay debts. He's learnt the hard way that it was all an act. I don't think you want to be in this situation where you turn bad. Also it doesn't seem like your partner is standing up for you before marriage. So after marriage it could be problematic.
I'd elope and getaway from my family they are all selfish and only care about what they want.

[Robert123456789]

Always by her side. Not controlling at all - my mother never said a mean word. Bakes her cookies and cupcakes even when Christine is saying mean awful words against her. Christine is the controlling one. I am actually banned from reading a book in bed and i get told my bed time. How about that!

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Why would you leave your partner for the wrongdoings of his mother?

That's like cutting off your head to spite your nose.

You don't date the mother, you date the fiance, right?

I mean, definitely talk to your fiance and set it straight you expect him to talk to his mother, or the two of you need to at least talk about how his mother's behavior is making you want to leave him.

[Robert123456789]

The interesting thing is that the mother didn't do anything wrong. She is a quiet caring person who has always invited Christine to anything we do (maybe movies 1 time a year, there are no birthday celebrations like her family does - there is no effort from their part at birthdays either i just drive myself and eat and then go). Christine has never once visited her. I said did she want to see her more when i assist with chores (its all i do really, chores and a small walk with her) but she said no. My mother has never said a mean word only the nicest words and kind thoughtful things and compliments and even though Christine makes no effort my mum still makes her cookies and cupcakes etc. At Christmas she makes Christine dinner and is so kind, like always. Me and my family believe in loving and kind always. Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily. She struggled to detach from her mum as she didn't move out until her 30s. Christine doesn't believe in love and kindness - as this post shows! Good to hear both sides of the story hey. Refreshing isn't it :)

[Citizenkirk]

She sounds like a real piece of work, and he sounds like a real piece of 💩, but before discarding 9 years of time invested in this seemingly sham based relationship, ask yourself - What redeeming qualities did he, or the cold fish he matriculated from, exhibit in all that time, that made any of it worthwhile.
If nothing comes to mind, than don't even bother with a Dear John letter, because he already took 9 years of your life you will never get back, and doesn't deserve 1 sec. 😉more.

[Robert123456789]

@ItsMeItsMe1989

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[Mofunfour20]

Yes. Especially if youve mentally checked out of the relationship. His wife should be slightly more important than his mother, he lives with you anyway. doesn't seem like you respect his leadership, if you do then stay

[MysteriousDarkness]

Tell him how you feel about it and when an opportunity comes up see how he responds to it. If he acts the same way as he has neen then tell him it's over.

[Christine8]

Thank you. Yes I will try just one last time when it happens again.

[Lillie_xo]

if you love him and would miss him you probably shouldn't and instead try to sort things out with his mum ! but the guys on here probably have better advice on this than me ! (・_・ヾ

[Robert123456789]

The interesting thing is that the mother didn't do anything wrong. She is a quiet caring person who has always invited Christine to anything we do (maybe movies 1 time a year, there are no birthday celebrations like her family does - there is no effort from their part at birthdays either i just drive myself and eat and then go). Christine has never once visited her. I said did she want to see her more when i assist with chores (its all i do really, chores and a small walk with her) but she said no. My mother has never said a mean word only the nicest words and kind thoughtful things and compliments and even though Christine makes no effort my mum still makes her cookies and cupcakes etc. At Christmas she makes Christine dinner and is so kind, like always. Me and my family believe in loving and kind always. Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily. She struggled to detach from her mum as she didn't move out until her 30s. Christine doesn't believe in love and kindness - as this post shows! Good to hear both sides of the story hey. Refreshing isn't it :)

[rcljr]

If you’ve been engaged for 9 years? Hell yes, leave and don’t look back. Especially if the punk is always siding with his mommy, screw that, he can marry her….

[Scotte1us]

No , just stay away from het or ask her the reason? I think i would face her or talk to fiance if you dont get a positive outcome then leave.

[Christine8]

Thank you. Yes I find myself happier now to stay away from her. His mum is very happy if do not attend any gatherings. I have been doing that keeping my distance and think they is the way to go. Since she does not care about me and doesn’t want to know me or have me included in any special event than I will just not see her at all. I mean this is what she wants. When I did try to include myself in with going to movies she made it quite obvious she was not happy that I was there with my partner.
His response “she has done nothing wrong to you” “ this is just her personality”.
I honestly would be so ashamed if I had a son and I treated his partner like this I could never do it, I was raised to be a better person than that..

[Robert123456789]

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[Schizoaffective]

Why doesn't she like you tho?
Yea it's very problematic

[Christine8]

She doesn’t like many people at all. She is a divorced single mother. She had a partner a few years ago and the same thing happened to him. He was excluded from everything and he ended up leaving. She is a very selfish person and I know that she does not care about me, it hurts that he does not care how it makes me feel.. especially how my family include him in like family and are so lovely to him. We are very welcoming people and his mum is the opposite she just doesn’t want me to attend any gatherings and doesn’t want to see me.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Stop letting him come to your family's gatherings.. whats good for one should be good for the other.. give him the same treatment he's been giving you! I bet he will be extremely upset

[Robert123456789]

The interesting thing is that the mother didn't do anything wrong. She is a quiet caring person who has always invited Christine to anything we do (maybe movies 1 time a year, there are no birthday celebrations like her family does - there is no effort from their part at birthdays either i just drive myself and eat and then go). Christine has never once visited her. I said did she want to see her more when i assist with chores (its all i do really, chores and a small walk with her) but she said no. My mother has never said a mean word only the nicest words and kind thoughtful things and compliments and even though Christine makes no effort my mum still makes her cookies and cupcakes etc. At Christmas she makes Christine dinner and is so kind, like always. Me and my family believe in loving and kind always. Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily. She struggled to detach from her mum as she didn't move out until her 30s. Christine doesn't believe in love and kindness - as this post shows! Good to hear both sides of the story hey. Refreshing isn't it :)

[pink_and_inlove]

I’m so sorry 😞 if he doesn’t respect you and just constantly hurts you I would leave him

[Christine8]

Thank you for your advice

[Robert123456789]

The interesting thing is that the mother didn't do anything wrong. She is a quiet caring person who has always invited Christine to anything we do (maybe movies 1 time a year, there are no birthday celebrations like her family does - there is no effort from their part at birthdays either i just drive myself and eat and then go). Christine has never once visited her. I said did she want to see her more when i assist with chores (its all i do really, chores and a small walk with her) but she said no. My mother has never said a mean word only the nicest words and kind thoughtful things and compliments and even though Christine makes no effort my mum still makes her cookies and cupcakes etc. At Christmas she makes Christine dinner and is so kind, like always. Me and my family believe in loving and kind always. Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily. She struggled to detach from her mum as she didn't move out until her 30s. Christine doesn't believe in love and kindness - as this post shows! Good to hear both sides of the story hey. Refreshing isn't it :)

[In_Trance]

Why don't you try having a conversation with him about it before you decide to leave?

[Christine8]

Every conversation I try to have about her he ends up screaming at me and says she is so nice to you, this is who she is she is just shy etc! I know she is a very selfish person but it hurts to be treated like a stranger and excludes from every single event.

[In_Trance]

I think that in itself is a clear indicator on how you should proceed

[Robert123456789]

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[Wetfet]

If he can't stand up to his mom even though its obvious she's in the wrong. Even worse if he can't see that she is in the wrong. Id leave.

[Christine8]

Thank you for your advice

[Wetfet]

you're very welcome. Good luck.

[Nikki_02]

I think you need to move on from him cause you be “married to her also” he doesn’t stand up for now it only get worst.

[Christine8]

Yes I totally agree, he can’t see my point of view or how hurtful it is how she treats me, I have no chance to be happy if I stay. All he has to say is mum she is my partner and I would like her to attend this birthday function but he sides with her and just excludes me and says we are not joint to the hip it’s nice to do some things on our own..

[Nikki_02]

Yea I cut my own mom out of my life cause she was toxic.

[LivingExample]

I would start with writing her a letter about how you feel. Give your fiancé a copy of the letter so he knows how you feel. If how you feel does Not matter to them, it is time for you to leave. Marriage will Not make it get better!

[Robert123456789]

The interesting thing is that the mother didn't do anything wrong. She is a quiet caring person who has always invited Christine to anything we do (maybe movies 1 time a year, there are no birthday celebrations like her family does - there is no effort from their part at birthdays either i just drive myself and eat and then go). Christine has never once visited her. I said did she want to see her more when i assist with chores (its all i do really, chores and a small walk with her) but she said no. My mother has never said a mean word only the nicest words and kind thoughtful things and compliments and even though Christine makes no effort my mum still makes her cookies and cupcakes etc. At Christmas she makes Christine dinner and is so kind, like always. Me and my family believe in loving and kind always. Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily. She struggled to detach from her mum as she didn't move out until her 30s. Christine doesn't believe in love and kindness - as this post shows! Good to hear both sides of the story hey. Refreshing isn't it :)

[Avicenna]

Tell him you won't visit her unless he backs you up

[Robert123456789]

Hahaha christine has never ONCE visited my mum. Not once. She goes to ZERO effort with my family just like in the relationship

[Jlegacy]

Sweet heart, yes. Unless you heard from God and He said "stay with him!".

[Robert123456789]

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

To be fair, MOTHERS always do that. You're the other woman, in his life. She's just upset she's losing him to you

[hahahmm]

Yeah... but... but.. but the man should put his mom on notice to stfu and show respect or gtfo period. Him not doing that endorses his mom's behavior. I'm not saying mom would change 100% but she'd be doing WAY, WAY less negative stuff. Close to zero.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Mothers dont always do that.. my guys mom didn't.. we werent buddy buddy at first.. was just hi how are you? Nothing more.. she spent most of the time in her room.. as time went on she became friendlier and friendlier... at Christmas she signed her card love mom... but she's not getting that at all.. I was invited to his moms and his sister's birthday.. his birthday the first year and mine we couldnt see each other in person cause of covid but we made it work.. I met him online Dec 2019.. we lived an hour apart after the first wave he wanted me and my animals to move in Nov 2020 so we didn't have to be apart anymore..

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

yes, they always do it, get over ir

[PeacefulRainDrop]

But Christine isn't even getting that! This is her future husbands family... not boyfriend and girlfriend like we are.. I have been engaged and it didn't work im so thankful for it.. His father hated me for not being their religion.. he was teaching me about it.. I didn't feel welcomed by his family.. he got us into an accident and he walked away fine I did not.. I had a serious concussion messsed up my motor skills when he heard I won't ever walk again he flew ship.. but you know what im walking he tried to get back with me but I knew I deserved a man thats for better or worse and I have one that has stuck by my side after I had a seizure. Went from rags to riches!! I was young and stupid I was 18 when I said id marry him.. I was proposed to one other time I was 26.. I said no ask me after a year (only was dating a month abd he never experienced a seizure been having them since 2011) so just cause your previously engaged and it didn't work out doesn't make you a failure! So dont allow that thought in your head!

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

all four of your mho's are biased, also

and why the fuck did you need 4

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

hun, I GUARANTEE YOU, ALL MOTHERS DO THIS

[Robert123456789]

@hahahmm she is always kind and loving - never said a mean word. Christine has not shown respect, you should hear the disgraceful things she says - look at this post too!

[Robert123456789]

@PeacefulRainDrop UPDATE: there was nothing but kindness and love from my mother always. She has never said a mean word. Ever. She is always welcoming - cooks food, invites to movies etc (my family rarely do things like that though - her family always go eating). Christine has made death threats against her, said the most awful horrible things. And not once has she ever helped her or visited or done anything. Compare to me - I am always willing to help her parents and always do. Its so sad because Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily and somehow I am the one who is too attached haha. I believe in kindness and love always. I do not believe in selfishness and mean words. Its really sad when some people do.

[Hotboy_booblover]

Why leave him gir no fault of his.. all guys are in the same situation.. so if u change ur guy for this reason the problem will still remain

[Juxtapose]

Well your boyfriend has already shown you he's not going to stand up for you so fuck that.

[rienna888]

Yes leave him he sounds like a useless sack of shit

[Anonymous]

I think you have plan B there's another guy around you probably

[Tunasub]

Your fiance may just be a momma's boy.. good luck.

[Robert123456789]

Nope - Christine calls her mum 2 times a day, gets her cooking done by her (she never cooks for me) and sees her mum every day nearly. Christine didn't move out until her 30s and said she had to live 10 minutes from her mum. How embarrassing!

[cloud9vortex1234]

there's 2 sides to every story. Were only getting one side of it since their not here to explain their side.

[Christine8]

Two sides to every story.
His mum and sister are both single.
They want him to attend every gathering birthday Easter Mother’s Day Christmas on his own. They get upset when I attend. His response that is just them, they are allowed to spend time with just me, they are doing nothing wrong, they are so nice to you. Honestly everything I am writing is the truth his mum treats me like a complete stranger and wants nothing to do with me, and I have always tried my hardest to be nice and kind of I ever did see them, when I attended on occasions like movies his mum got very upset and wouldn’t even say hello when I said hi.. I think it’s pretty clear that she is just a nasty person who doesn’t want her grown up son to have a life of his own

[OddBeMe]

Yeah, mamma’s boy. Drop him. Run for the hills.

[Robert123456789]

@ItsMeItsMe1989

I put Christine first all the time. It is quite exhausting sometimes. I work 50 hours a week while Christine works only a couple of days. Yet I do all the cooking, shopping, planning, look after everything. I am drained every day but i keep going. My mother lives on her own and i see her every few weeks to assist with things like cutting firewood. I go for a couple of hours. Christine wants to ban me. Christine somehow thinks that is 'chosing' my mother. I do these things while she is at work too - and somehow that is me 'excluding' her - I even asked does she want to come assist with chores (the way i help her parents out whenever needed) and she said no. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her non stop. Its just embarrassing herself to post things like this saying I am banned but she can do the same thing. Christine also cheated on me for 9 months and has been so controlling of me and ruined my self esteem and made death threats against me and beaten me every week for years and made me so terrified i had to flee in my car so many times. Hope you see the truth now. Please comment with some thoughts on how Christine can be a better person!

[KrakenAttackin]

This is just catty woman shit.

[Robert123456789]

Yes. She calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily and same for her sister. My mum lives on her own with medical issues and I see her every few weeks for some chores. And I am somehow the bad guy?

[Anonymous]

Yes leave him

[Robert123456789]

The interesting thing is that the mother didn't do anything wrong. She is a quiet caring person who has always invited Christine to anything we do (maybe movies 1 time a year, there are no birthday celebrations like her family does - there is no effort from their part at birthdays either i just drive myself and eat and then go). Christine has never once visited her. I said did she want to see her more when i assist with chores (its all i do really, chores and a small walk with her) but she said no. My mother has never said a mean word only the nicest words and kind thoughtful things and compliments and even though Christine makes no effort my mum still makes her cookies and cupcakes etc. At Christmas she makes Christine dinner and is so kind, like always. Me and my family believe in loving and kind always. Christine calls her mum 2 times a day and sees her nearly daily. She struggled to detach from her mum as she didn't move out until her 30s. Christine doesn't believe in love and kindness - as this post shows! Good to hear both sides of the story hey. Refreshing isn't it :)