What age should you give your kids the bird and bees talk?

[Anonymous]

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I would say age 10-13, there are females having their menstrual cycles at age 9

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks For Most Helpful Guy :)

[LemiaOfChampions]

I would say between 12 and 14.

[ChrisMaster69]

We started at 5 with our daughter on some of it, before then my wife had explained boys and girls were different and named all proper names for main body parts.

then as we felt she needed more information or if she asked a certain question or seems curious about stuff but not asking.

At 8 I think she went over some of the puberty stuff, more of a next number of years will be changing for you.

we then had a big talk to her the year before she started secondary school.

at 11 / 12 based on some of the opinions posted by adults on here, she likely knew more factual information than them.

At 14 I don’t think there is much else she needs to know.

I think a lot of parents forget their own childhood and what they did or friends did.

with these questions, you often have people saying 12, 16 etc but then on a masturbation question, they reply 10-11, see the big problem there….

think about what actually happens in the real world, having real factual information on sex, sexuality, sexual health, sexual abuse, about what consent is, how to defend yourself, spot when someone is trying to play you etc, all are valuable bits of information for a young adult.

[nella965]

I think 5 is way too young to be teaching kids about penises and vaginas or how the vagina has hole in it. Let children be children. Have fun and enjoy their innocence before "penis or breasts" have to come in

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 you know kids talk about it at school of course.

How old are your kids?

When did they come in from school with a question about why Timothy looks different?

[nella965]

I don't have kids but I remember my time in elementary school. Back in 2000, I was in kindergarten. I was so young that I couldn't even remember what the world was like. I didn't even care about that kinda stuff. There was so much about the world to learn. Social skills had to be developed. Language had to be learned. I had to adapt to class room environment. Friend making skills also had to be learned. I also had to do well in my academics.

I didn't realize that boys and girls had different parts until I was around 8 years old. When I accidently saw an 8 yr old boy classmate at my school unknowingly go in the girls bathroom. He was peeing in the toilet and I walked by. Since I knew him, we poked fun with each other a lot so we started playing around and screaming with each other. That was the first time I was kinda weirded out that he had different parts. I never ever saw a penis prior to that.

Kids really aren't interested in "sex" or breasts or erections. It really won't be too late to tell them about this type of stuff if you just wait a few years.

For girls, it would be around 9-10 years old, when a lot of them start having budding nipples so thats when they wearing training bras. For boys, they really do not need to know about this type of stuff until 10 years old. Ages 11-13 is where boys start seeing their first sexual responses.

Just let kids enjoy their innocence and let them have fun. Don't ruin things by saying you should never touch a boy's penis or you should never put your finger in your vagina or teach them that there is a hole in their vagina. Or saying things such as never ever play in the bathtub water with a little boy , if you don't have any underwear on.

You're only so innocent for such few moments in life. Just let them enjoy the freedom to be innocent.

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 you had a fairly sheltered upbringing.

[nella965]

@chrismaster69

All I'm saying is, there's no legitimate reason why a 5-8 yr old has to know about such things. They're usually not interested about this type of stuff. And its still hella long before they even need to care about it. Why ruin their innocence and freedom if you don't have to?

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 how do you explain to a 5 year old about 2 women kissing?

[nella965]

Its the same reason why adults never show their kids porn. They are just way too innocent and young to have to see that kinda stuff. Sure, there isn't anything wrong with sex. But they're kids. Let kids be kids.

[nella965]

@chrismaster69

I actually asked my mother that same question when I was around 5. I always saw men and women kissing but never two people of same gender kissing. My mother brushed off that question. And honestly, I'm very glad she did.

My mom kept things PG-13 for me so that I could roam my childhood with innocence and freedom.

[nella965]

you dont have to worry so much about your kids learning about sex, porn, lesbianism, gay. Your kid will eventually know about it as they get older. they learn from the world and school and classmates.

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 no it’s a question , your daughter sees her aunt kissing another woman, what do you do brush it off, how many years?
How long do you not tell your kids the truth?
Her school friends know but she does not
You going to let her be teased for 5 years

[nella965]

firstly, most kids do not see women kissing other women. I even have a hard time seeing that kinda stuff in my life. I never saw a woman kissing another woman either when I was a kid.

i just think that you like to sexualize children. The type of guy who won't let his 5 yr old daughter walk into a swimming pool if she doesn't have a bathing suit to cover her nipples.

[nella965]

[Her school friends know but she does not
You going to let her be teased for 5 years]

I can guarantee you that most 8 yr olds do not know what lesbians or gays are.
And if parents don't tell her about this type of stuff, she will learn from her classmates at school.

Kids learn more from their classmates and school than from their parents.

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 when she was at school, 2 parents were same sex parents.

[nella965]

kids don't know that it takes opposite gendered parents to make a baby. So seeing same sex parents won't be weird to her at all.

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 whatever it’s done and in the past.

[nella965]

there's a reason why movies have ratings such as PG 13 or rated R etc. Its so that kids can preserve their innocence. Kids should not be watching porn. I don't think this needs to be explained. Its basic morality.

[Subarugirl]

@nella965 5 years olds have penises and vaginas, why shouldn’t you talk to them about their own body parts once they have become aware of them?

[nella965]

@Subarugirl why would you need to talk to them about it, if they never see anyone's penis?

Private parts should be covered at all times. It should never be exposed especially in front of a child.
Personally I never ever saw a penis until I was 8 years old, and when i did see it, it was only by accident cuz it was a little boy who wandered into a girl's bathroom to pee.

Its not necessary to explain to a 5 yr old that there is a hole at the bottom of her vagina and that you shouldn't ever put your finger in it. Or that boys have different private parts.

You never ever, tell a boy to pull down his pants so that you can show your 5 yr old daughter what a penis looks like.

Its not necessary to teach this type of stuff to your child. Your child will eventually learn about it in school. Do you really think a kid will turn 16 and still don't know what breasts, vagina, penises are?

[nella965]

@Subarugirl there's just a certain innocence to children that shouldn't be disturbed.

By telling a little girl, you should never ever touch a boy's penis. or "did u know that you have a hole in your vagina? never ever put your finger in it. Or do you know that daddy put his penis in mommys hole so that you are born now?"

You're really destroying a child's innocence that way. I can guarantee you that kids are not concerned about breasts, penises, or vaginas or sex at their age.

[Subarugirl]

@nella965 I am sorry that you at so disturbed by biology. I understand that I won’t change your opinion, but you will probably feel different after having children

[nella965]

@Subarugirl

Sex / porn is purely biology too. why do you think parents never show their kids porn?

Why do you think most parents never ever actually tell their kids the truth when they ask “hey mommy. Where do babies come from?”

They tell the stork bird story or make up lies
It’s all so they can preserve a child’s innocence

[nella965]

@Subarugirl

Why do you think society makes it unacceptable to publicly show your private areas? If it’s unacceptable for such parts to be publicly exposed , you shouldn’t be exposing such parts to little children.

They will eventually find out what human body is like as they get older and grow up. No rush. There’s no such thing as a 16 yr old kid who doesn’t know that men and women have different private parts

[JustAnj]

I think you doing great ❤️ Due to issues of incest in my outside family I started that conversation with no touching as early as 1, my daughter got it fast and understood. Girls are a lot more ahead then boys and knowledge is the best way to help your kids communicate if someone tries to take advantage of them. Both my sister and brother have been molested and they were very unaware, my mom taught me earlier and I was very cautious and it helped keep me safe I was still a kid and enjoyed my childhood. ❤️

[nella965]

@JustAnj

thats kinda like telling all kids to watch porn to understand what sex is in order to prevent them from getting raped.

[JustAnj]

@nella965

Your comparisons are radical and I'm honestly unsure of why your so in need to be right or have an opinion in regards to children who are not you.

It's fine if this is how you want to raise your kids, though honestly until your a parent I don't think you should apply your opinion about the affects on children or others until you raise a child.

Everything is trial and error in life and if you continue to keep things from your children you will only show them ignorance if you chose to be ignorant yourself. You can have knowledge and still be a child it all depends on how you raise and teach your children.

If your kids understand things more then you know will you punish them for your ignorance.

Do not assume you know how to be a parent until you are one, your kids are a reflection of you, remember that. They aren't stupid.

[nella965]

@JustAnj

I think that its ok to teach kids that they shouldn't touch each other's private parts, if it keeps them extra safe. But I think talking too much about this type of stuff is really just ruining a child's innocence. Let kids play freely without worrying about accidently touching someone's penis. Kids like to be rowdy and play all the time.

I know this little girl who always like to slap her hands on her father's lap, at times. Sometimes she would accidently hit his private area and he would kind of redirect her hand away. But he never told her that she shouldn't be touching his penis.

Let little kids enjoy their freedom because it won't exist when they get older.

Sure its good to tell kids that molestation is not ok. But its rather uncommon for kids to get molested. Not saying that it doesn't exist at all, but it just doesn't happen very often.

[nella965]

@JustAnj

My parents never ever told me about molestation when I was 5. I was never molested or raped as a kid. I enjoyed my childhood years freely with innocence. This is a luxury that many over sexualized kids do not have nowadays.

You need to understand that life is filled with boundaries, restrictions and rules. Telling kids to not touch this, keep away from that, boys should never paint their nails, girls should always be ladylike.
Kids like to play and roam freely, explore their world. Let the little boys paint their nails, if they want. Let the girls roll around in the mud , if they want. Stop restricting a little child's freedom and innocence. You're only this free , very few moments in life.

My parents never had "the birds and the bees" talk with me ever. I learned about what puberty was in school by the time I hit 6th grade at the age of 11. I learned what sex was through science classes at school. My classmate told me what an erection was. I knew what pubic hair was long before I grew pubic hair myself. I knew what it mean to menstruate long before I had my period. You really do not need to give your kids the birds and the bees talk at home. They should be learning this type of stuff in school from teachers already.

Its wrong to oversexualize children. I see little 6 yr old girls wearing bathing suits in swimming pools. By that I mean, coverings over their nipples. You would really have to wonder why is a 6 yr old girl who is no where close to hitting puberty, wearing a swim suit bra? does she have breasts? what does she have to hide so desperately?

[loves2learn]

@nella965 you led a privileged childhood. Lucky you. Not all are so lucky. I am a realist and I don’t lie to my kids. My oldest wanted to know how his baby brother got in my tummy. A very reasonable question. So I told him using age appropriate terminology.

[JustAnj]

@Nella965

I understand where your coming from and yes you are correct in the form of process but also don't seem to give kids more credit or acknowledge that may you not have been affected by molestation many have.

No one is claiming to over sexualize kids in doing so we would be assuming that education is also not appropriate for children, the reason why I think this way is because like some I actually remember past my kid age.

I know a lot of things as a toddler but this did not affect my childhood or innocences and you can not take innocences with defining body parts and danger, you do so by pushing to in depth like porn and other things that are not natural or possibly going to be comprehensive.

You will see what I mean when you have kids, unless you have them with your exact replica of you, your kids will only be half of what you were as a kid and are gonna grow with a different mind then you.

I am prime example of a non ruined innocences, so don't worry kids will always have there perceptions as kids.

[nella965]

@loves2learn

you’re mentally Mutilating a child just to keep them from being physically safe. There is a reason why Certain Movies are Restricted only for adults and not children. Rated R, PG-13. Same reason that webSites advise that you have to be 18 or older to view pornography.

I can guarantee you that overwhelming majority of parents do not teach their kids about sex at the age of 7. they know better.

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 you can Guarantee this?

Okay can you show me the stats for the UK for any year between 2012 and 2021?

[loves2learn]

@nella965 you are just digging your heels in here. It’s laughable. Not sure why you have this burning desire to be right. And pregnancy is a very common time to teach children about sex using age appropriate terminology.

Kids talk at school and on the bus. I want them to hear from me. Not piece together rumors.

[loves2learn]

@nella965 I’ll take the US stats too please and thank you.

[nella965]

@chrismaster69

It doesn’t take statistics. It’s common knowledge that parents don’t talk to their kids about the bird and the bees until at least 10-11. When I was growing up in elementary school , there wasn’t a single kid who told me that he knew about sex or erections. None of us were even remotely interested in that kinda stuff. Kids made no mention about it until middle school.

I also worked at a daycare / after school programs for many years. I’ve seen kids touch their parents in all sorts of inappropriate places , their parents never flinched or lectured them on it

[nella965]

@loves2learn

the fact that Movies threaters restrict certain movies from kids watching them , shows that I am correct. If a kid can view absolutely anything an adult can watch, there wouldn’t such restrictions

[loves2learn]

@nella965 blah de blah blah

The fact that the book “it’s not the stork” is for ages 4+ proves I am right. As this is the book I shared with him to explain in *age appropriate* terms how his brother got in my tummy. I feel like a broken record.

[nella965]

@loves2learn

Why do think porn sites advise that you must be 18 or older to watch?

[loves2learn]

@nella965 you are comparing apples to elephants here. Not even remotely the same thing.

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 where is it common knowledge,

You are not married have not kids, this also most guarantees you do not socialise with parents,

So give me some facts to back up your Common Knowledge?

Evidence to support your claimed guarantee?

Also explain how you will manage to explain to an 8 or 9 year old who is having their first period, what it is, about sexual health, hygiene, period products, what to do if it happens in school, what to say to her friends, including boys, how to deal with it emotionally.

Come on, let’s just imagine you are now the mother of a 9 year old who has just started her first period and is scared,

What are you going to say,

I am sure a lot of women on this thread will be very interested,

Over to you:

[nella965]

@chrismaster69

You just enjoy over sexualizing children. You know that most girls do not start their periods at 9 years old. there's really no reason to tell kids about sex, puberty, all that inappropriate stuff if there is no real reason to. A 5-6 yr old is nowhere close to starting puberty so why should you rob a child's innocence and freedom away at that age? ITS COMPLETELY UNNECESARY. do you have too much time on your hands with nothing better to do? I really do not see the point in addressing such topics so extremely early

Now, if you are seeing your daughter developing slight breasts at the age of 10, then yes, it would make sense to tell her about puberty and menstruation. But why would a 5-7 yr old have to know about this stuff? they aren't anywhere close to puberty. I can guarantee that they aren't interested in this type of stuff too.

I know what goes on in most families. I have been a kid and I've watched all my other classmates grow up too. Nobody ever remotely mentioned sex or erections etc until at least middle school which is usually around the age of 12-13.

By over sexualizing kids, you're robbing kids of freedom and innocence. There is a saying "You're only a kid once in life" and this means that you only get to enjoy this freedom and innocence , a very short time in life.

[nella965]

@chrismaster69

People like you are so old that you have forgotten what childhood is like. There is no need to address the topics of sex education and puberty. These topics are addressed and taught in science class by the time they hit the 6th grade. This is around the time that girls start menstruation. Most girls start menstruation around the age of 11-13.

You sound like you definitely have too much time on your hands and lack real activities to do with your child.

[nella965]

@loves2learn

there's nothing in the world that will ever convince me that oversexualizing kids is a right thing to do.

[ChrisMaster69]

@nella965 come on explain how you would do it?

You are avoiding answering this very basic question, it’s something almost every parent has to go through. It’s not sexualising it’s basic facts of life, there is nothing ‘sexualising’ about it, it’s factual.

You seem very good at pushing your comments and agenda,

Now just answer how you would do it.

Not just ‘well yes I would then’

Details on how you do it without explaining everything else.

Come on clock is ticking you have a daughter in tears…

Tick tock.

[nella965]

@chrismaster69

I can see that you can't even provide a counter argument to what I've just said. It just comes to prove that you have no legitimate argument against mine.

If it were my daughter, I would let her play as much as possible as a child. Let her roam and explore the world freely. When she grows up, she will come to appreciate me for letting her enjoy her freedom adventures as a child. Because at some point in her life, she will have all this freedom taken away from her. But she will have lots of fond memories of how fun and free her childhood was.

I also do not believe in having random strangers babysit my child. If someone is gonna watch my kid, its always gonna be a grandmother or a very trusted family member. Sure, I will tell her "do not let anyone touch your private area, if someone does so, make sure to tell mommy". But I will never ever go any further than that.

By the time she is 10-11, when she starts having budding nipples, I will start getting her training bras. I will tell her that at some point she might start having her period and I will teach her how to use a pad. But I WILL NOT TELL MY DAUGHTER that she has a hole in her vagina or never to stick her finger in it.

10-11 yr olds are still running around in the playground having the most fun of their lives. They should not be masturbating or having sex or making out.

[nella965]

@chrismaster69

There are tons of kids who lose their virginity at 13 then get pregnant at 15. The earlier you introduce sex to your child, the higher the chance a teenage pregnancy will occur. Kids are impulsive, adventurous, reckless with impaired decision making.

[Subarugirl]

@nella965 you seem to know a lot about children development considering you do not have any. At the end of the day it is up to the parent on how and when they want to have this conversation with their children

[loves2learn]

Lmao. I do not over sexualize my kids. I agree with @Subarugirl, you can feel free to keep your parenting advice to yourseld @nella965

[Subarugirl]

@nella965 did you know that children that do not know the proper names for thier anatomy have a much higher change of being sexually abused. Being naked isn’t inherently wrong and sexual. Teaching children about thier own bodies and to not be ashamed or embarrassed of them, or to sexualize nakedness doesn’t take away from thier innocence. It empowers them to protect it.

[loves2learn]

@Subarugirl 100%

[Subarugirl]

*not to sexualize nakedness

[nella965]

@Subarugirl @loves2learn

You do not need to learn the names of human anatomy in order know that you're being abused. I will tell my child " if anyone touches your private area, then you immediately must tell mommy". I doubt that it would be necessary to learn the names of every part of your private area, in order to know right from wrong. Such a statement is absolutely ridiculous and makes no sense.

There are kids that lose their virginity at 13 and get pregnant at 15. There are even kids start making out or masturbating at the age of 11. You can decide what happens to your child. Your kid is not my kid. As long as my child turns out amazing, then I will be happy.

I definitely know that my kid will get to enjoy a happy, healthy, childhood, free from tainted bullshit. My kid won't be masturbating or having sex at the age of 11. She won't be pregnant at 15. She won't be taking birth control pills at 14 either.

[nella965]

@Subarugirl @loves2learn

there's absolutely no legitimate reason why an 8 yr old would need to learn all the names of all the parts in their private area or lecture them about what sex is at that age. They are no where near puberty and I can guarantee you that they have no interest in sex either. A lot of them would be weirded out if you tell them about sex.

It really sounds like you need to explore some new activities to do with your child if the only thing you have left to talk about with them is about sex or porn.

[loves2learn]

Ughhhh is @nella965 still talking. 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

[nella965]

@loves2learn

If pride of winning an argument is more important than the well being and happiness of your own precious child, you shouldn't be a mother.

[nella965]

I didn't learn about sex until I was 11 years old. I didn't know about periods until I was in 6th grade middle school. I never knew what an erection was until I was about 12.

Guess what? I still grew up into a very decent, sane adult with moral values. Just because I didn't know what sex was when i was 8 years old, it really doesn't mean that I will never know what sex is. Just because I didn't know that boys had different parts at the age of 7, it doesn't mean that I will grow up into an adult who doesn't know what penises are. I never knew about LGBT until I was around 12 years old. It doesn't mean that I can't get along with the LGBT population. I respect them in every way shape or form.

You're acting as if a kid will grow up into an incompetent, retarded adult , if you don't teach them about sex at a wayy too young of an age.

Actually teaching your kids about sex when its absolutely unnecessary at a wayy too young of an age, does more harm than good.

[Subarugirl]

@nella965 did you know that it is largely recommended to start having these kind of conversation with your child at around preschooler age.
www.plannedparenthood.org/.../how-do-i-talk-my-preschooler-about-their-body

kidsafefoundation.org/topics/body-boundaries/

www.google.com/.../kids-body-boundaries.amp.html

[loves2learn]

@nella965 I am NOT trying to win an argument. And learning about periods in 6th grade would have been too fucking late for me! I started mine the summer before.

And my children’s wellbeing is paramount which is why, as @Subarugirl , pointed out I educate them about their bodies.

I hope you never have kids @nella965

[nella965]

@Subarugirl @loves2learn

I'm a smart lady with a mind of my own and I've been through childhood myself so I know what is necessary and what is not necessary at a certain age. You do not need to tell me that I need to teach preschoolers about what sex is. Its absolutely not necessary. Rather tell your kids to focus on their grades at school instead of sex education at the age of 3.

[weasley8]

It shouldn’t all be one big talk. Break it up. Answer questions at whatever age they come up, using anatomically correct terms from the time kids start to talk. (A lot of people will use euphemisms to refer to kids body parts, and while it can be awkward to use the actual words with young kids, not doing so can make kids, especially girls, learn that their bodies are something shameful).


It’s normal for young kids to ask questions like why grownups have boobs and they don’t, or where babies come from. Tell them. Maybe don’t go into detail about sex itself. But say it involves private parts from a man and a woman, that it’s just for grown ups. They won’t start asking for specific details until they’re ready.

[h0rnyassbjtch]

I'd say as soon as possible, tell them what's right and what's not. Tell them why it's wrong for someone to even look at their privets unless it's a doctor or a parent. You'd be surprised how early they can learn these things in certain investments you can't protect them from, such as school, T. V, the Ipad. It's best they learn it from you, and not from porn or some kid in school that got a little too curious. This teaches them to be responsible at an early age and shows them the consequences of having sex.

[Bjornasey]

I plan to explain to my kids about basic biology once they have learnt some basic science concepts from school. For me it was at age 10 when my dad fully explained everything to me, it took a couple hours. How sexual reproduction worked, diseases, complications and how the damn thing even makes it inside.

[bowenw]

Age appropriate answers whenever they ask ask questions.
Check this:

https://www.npr.org/2019/12/12/787466794/the-birds-and-the-bees-how-to-talk-to-children-about-sex

[Dargil]

When her period starts.
Give her this book to read. Read it first then go over it by chapter.

If you know he got a wet dream, is masturbating or is showing attraction to girls.
The book will be less interesting to him, but use it anyway.

[ChocoBat]

The birds and bees talk is awkward and uneccesary, ease them into things, teach your kids about intimacy, about ways people show affection (hugging, kissing) about the basics of romantic attraction, as they're growing up, the "talk" will be a lot easier with the groundwork up, as long as you've taught your child intimacy, and the value of loyalty and privacy.

[TrueConfection]

We waited until high school. I know some parents that had the talk by kindergarten. I think a reasonable rule of thumb is to at least wait until they don't believe in flying elephants and the Easter Bunny anymore. Let kids be kids.

[loves2learn]

When they start asking you questions. It is different for every child. My oldest was 4, my 6 year old is not there yet.

[Apple1996]

As soon as they start asking questions about things. Usually around 6ish

[jaybirdme]

Start from where they're born If you don't bring the conversation up right away then it's a weird awkward topic it's life it's natural We are who we are people who have sex babies are born they're gonna hear it in more graphic way from somebody else better for you to tell the true then them hurt somebody's belly button, but that's coming from a blonde male

[Adam1978]

Whenever they start asking questions, they will get a suitable amount of details. Otherwise if it hasn't happened before they start dating you need to take it then.

[sarahlumpkin]

My mother told me at nine. Guess I was ready. Since five I had been nagging them on why I was old enough to know what got Nixon in trouble but not old enough to know what got Clinton in trouble.

[DizzyDesii]

I say after elementary but before high school. So like middle school aged 13+.

[Scotte1us]

Not anymore you dont have too tell them , because todays kids are much more smarter and see and learn on internet but if you really want to , you can when they ask you questions like how? and why?

[Riddler1412]

Don't know, because I didn't have one with my parents.

[Hanmakev]

just give them internet access and let nature do the rest

[lycanthrope3]

when they start asking questions, give them honest answers

[PxcyB]

start the very basics (periods) around 12 with girls, and then full on talk for both at 13

[Apple1996]

You do realize girls now a days are getting their periods as young as 7? Waiting till 12 to bring up that topic is ridiculous considering most girls by then have ready started years earlier

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

I would do it around 13-14 age range

[karaspara]

When they become curious

[Iron_Man]

When they start asking questions

[scooogy]

Maybe a bit before puberty sets in.

[PurpleDrank69]

Aproxximatly at the age of 69,420 years old

[the_kisses_of_sun]

I've never had this talk with my parents.

[ScotishLegend]

Between 12 and 15.

[PrinceNeo]

Eh about 13

[Raj4655]

Above 12...

[888theGreat]

8th grade

[Pterodon]

When they ask

[TheAfrikan]

@10 I think so.

[mapavrili34]

Dont know