Do girls ditch their close guy friend or see him less as soon as she gets a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Yes she’ll see him less or ditch him and won’t be as close to him

No she won’t

[SenileOldMan]

That never happened much to me but maybe because I like to meet their boyfriends and hang out. Sometimes I become even closer as far as friends with their boyfriends. So then their boyfriends want to hang out with me and not just her, and we start all hanging out together. It's not like she has to choose between spending time with me vs. her boyfriend.

[Asker]

If the guy has a crush on her, then it’s harder?

[SenileOldMan]

Then I think it can work towards the impossible. I always had a mixed set of friends consisting equally of girls and guys but mainly because I was able to ward off crushing on the girls in my group (I find some very attractive, but not crushing). It's also easier if we hang out more in groups instead of one guy hanging out with one girl most of the time. Also easier if we have out own girlfriends and dates.

[Asker]

What generally happens if the guy has a crush on the close friend who gets a boyfriend?

[SenileOldMan]

That hasn't happened to me since I was a teen but I think it's very painful for the guy to see his crush being together with another guy. I think in those cases, it's best not just for the girl but also him to put some distance until he moves on and maybe finds a girl of his own.

[Asker]

Why did he get friend zoned in the first place?

[SenileOldMan]

I don't know but I think it helps if a guy is attracted to a girl to show it quickly, even on the first introduction. Then if there's a chance for mutual attraction, they'll become friends with sexual tension and lots of flirting between them, and the prospect of dating will probably always be an option between them. If a guy waits too long to make any moves, then the girl might become too comfortable with the idea of seeing him as only a friend or get snatched up by another guy.

[EmmaMary]

I've had a very best friend for the past fourteen years, and never once did they not feature in my life, from my courting days, to my marriage and to the present day.

I'm of the belief that you never, ever know just when you might desperately need them.

[Smartgirl_hey]

I know this, I understand that I may need them in some point of my life. I'll explain this to my boyfriend. If he agrees with it, then I can have a best friend. Or else I need to help myself in some other ways

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey I think I would be upset if I realised how disposable I am as a friend. It would make me question if they were just using me.

[EmmaMary]

@Smartgirl_hey

Why does he need to agree with this, he either accepts or puts up with it... It's not his choice.

[Smartgirl_hey]

But in my case, I will leave that choice to him since I respect him. Because if he does the same way of not respecting me, how would I feel? I will see things from his point of view and do. Because if I choose to be in relationship with a person, I need to be the source of his stress removal. I shouldn't add stress to him by making him feel less before my best friend. If I'm doing that, then I absolutely don't deserve my boyfriend. If he does me the same way of having a girl best friend and not leaving her for me, I will definitely not put up with this behaviour. So he doesn't have to put up with mine too

[EmmaMary]

@Asker

I'm beginning to think that this may have something to do with @Smartgirl_hey culture, religion or upbringing etc.

However, we must accept her opinions accordingly, as she does with ours.

[Smartgirl_hey]

@Asker yeah, you're not disposable as a friend. I'm just saying that priority will be given to a boyfriend first rather than best friend. Because a boyfriend is a boyfriend for a reason. And the part of best friend, ranks second in the list of boyfriend and a best friend. Best friend can be stayed on the approval of boyfriend as I believe. If best friend does nothing harm for the relationship, then a boyfriend will most probably not put an end to his girlfriend's friendship with him. He will only put her best friend's friendship end of he is trying to threaten his relationship with her or is acting fishy. Other than that, if you're good, her boyfriend won't say her to leave you. And she also doesn't feel the need of leaving you. If you are a supporter for their relationship, then they both with make you their combined best friend. And you don't need to feel disposable about this

[Smartgirl_hey]

* He will only put her best friend's friendship end if he is trying to threaten his relationship with her or is acting fishy. Other than that, if you're good, her boyfriend won't say her to leave you. And she also doesn't feel the need of leaving you. If you are a supporter for their relationship, then they both will make you their combined best friend. And you don't need to feel disposable about this

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey I would not date someone who dictated to me who I can be friends or not be friends with.

[Smartgirl_hey]

If you really want your best friend forever, that can only happen through love. If you're her boyfriend, she would never have left you. So if you didn't propose her earlier, it was your mistake to lose her

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey boyfriend and best friend are 2 different roles?

[Smartgirl_hey]

@Asker

Yes

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey so what do you mean it can only happen through love? People generally don’t love their best friend the same way they love a partner?

[Smartgirl_hey]

No, they don't love the way they love their partner. For a partner, they will marry, they will have lot of things to consider and even a small thing can ruin their relationship because they treat other person as their partner. But treating best friend the same way is not acceptable as it will be considered as cheating or extra affair. A best friend may have all access to friendly things but not girlfriend, boyfriend things

[Smartgirl_hey]

A best friend is a part of their life. But their boyfriend owns them

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey the other difference is that you don’t have a sexual relationship with a partner.

[Smartgirl_hey]

I mean boyfriend as a partner

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey yes but I mean close friends don’t normally become partners.

[Smartgirl_hey]

Yes, but boyfriends will become

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey yes I see what you mean. So in other words sex and relationship is more important to you?

[Smartgirl_hey]

Relationship will be. Sex is not what I primarily look for. I believe in relationships and staying loyal to my boyfriend. Anyone else will come second

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey but isn’t the sex what makes it a relationship and not a close friendship?

[Smartgirl_hey]

I believe in close friendship with my boyfriend

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey yes so do I. But the difference between a close friendship and a relationship is sex is it not?

[Smartgirl_hey]

Of course

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey so people prioritise sex over existing friends.

[Smartgirl_hey]

It's not that. Boyfriend means they should come first and it's rule

[Smartgirl_hey]

Boyfriend own his girlfriend as girlfriend owns his boyfriend

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey yes and boyfriend/girlfriend is sex right? That’s what makes them boyfriend/girlfriend and not just a friend.

[Smartgirl_hey]

Not just sex, they plan to marry, own choices of each other's life, etc

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey but sex is what makes you want to do those things with them right? You’d never decide to do those things with someone you’re not having sex with right?

[Smartgirl_hey]

Not necessarily. Main point of a relationship or boyfriend is sharing life with them and they come above anyone else

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey so would you do that with someone you can’t see yourself having sex with?

[Smartgirl_hey]

If I'm in relationship with him

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey and would you be in a relationship with a guy you can’t see yourself having sex with?

[Smartgirl_hey]

If I love him truly

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey and you have sex with him. You wouldn’t be in a relationship with a guy you can’t see yourself having sex with. And you wouldn’t share your life that much with someone you’re not in a relationship with. Therefore sex is what forms that connection.

[Smartgirl_hey]

Not necessarily. You're getting it wrong. Even if I love someone truly, I will do anything for him

[Smartgirl_hey]

It's the power of love in relationships

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey but the difference between someone you love as a partner and someone you see as friends is sex right?

[Smartgirl_hey]

No, ther word "boyfriend" and "partner or husband"

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey and what makes you categorise them with those words?

[Smartgirl_hey]

Proposing and getting accepted

[Smartgirl_hey]

He must propose me and I should accept him so he fits into that category

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey and what determines whether you say yes or no to that proposal?

[Smartgirl_hey]

I should be firstly single. Secondly, I need to know him well and he needs to know me well. Thirdly, I check if he loves me truly and if he is loyal to me. Then I will accept him

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey so it almost sounds like you need to be friends with a guy first?

[Smartgirl_hey]

Yes, because in that way I'll know him and he'll know me then he can propose me but I need to be single

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey that is interesting. A lot of women these days don’t do friendship first. And once they categorise a guy as friends, they are friends forever.

[Smartgirl_hey]

Depends on the girl that you choose. Some girls like starting with friendship. Some girls directly like dating. You can choose the one of your choice

[Asker]

@Smartgirl_hey I like friends first but how do you avoid becoming a friend forever?

[Smartgirl_hey]

To avoid being in friendzone forever, you need to flirt with her while you're being her friend. She needs to get interested in you, while you get interested in her. There should be mutual feelings to you and her while you being her friend. Then you can slowly start giving her hints that you would like to take your friendship to next level. And notice her reactions and follow up with whatever way works for you and finally propose her after knowing her mutual interest towards you after a period of time, while she's still in her feelings

[Anonymous]

I'll definitely start priortizing my boyfriend and no regrets with it. My best friend stays as my best friend only and my boyfriend owns me. If he says me to leave my best friend, I will leave him

[EmmaMary]

Your best friend or your boyfriend?

[Opinion Owner]

@EmmaMary If my boyfriend says me to leave my best friend, I will leave my best friend

[EmmaMary]

Gosh really?

I would instantly start seeing this as a huge Red Flag, definitely a controlling nature.

However we're all different and unique, so each to their own.

[Opinion Owner]

@EmmaMary I get it. But if I choose a boyfriend, I'm giving him the full power over my life. In a true love, it is a must. Or else, it will be not fair for my boyfriend. Everyone have their own place. My best friend also gets a girlfriend and if he does the same to me, I'll be happy to stop talking with him as I understand his girlfriend's emotions. If my boyfriend accepts me to have a best friend by trusting me or if my best friend's girlfriend accepts him to have a girl best friend, then we don't need to leave our best friendships

[EmmaMary]

I'm afraid I have to disagree entirely with your philosophy that "In a true love, it is a must".

There is absolutely no way whatsoever that my husband has anywhere near total control/power over my life, nor do I with him.

[Opinion Owner]

@EmmaMary yeah, you have your own opinion, and I have my own. There's nothing wrong with that. Not caring my boyfriend's emotions and prioritising my best friend over my boyfriend is a very toxic behaviour if I follow it. So, I will definitely prioritise my boyfriend needs over my best friend, but also I will let this known to my best friend in a polite way instead of hurting him. I will not try to hurt him but make him understand so that he can understand why I'm telling him to do it

[EmmaMary]

Please always remember that perhaps one day you might just need your best friend, and then you suddenly realise that they're no longer there... Just something to think of, that's all.