I feel like my friend puts me down, but she doesn’t think so?

[Anonymous]

I finally confronted (in a nice way) my friend about the little put-downs/snide comments she sometimes makes towards me, and she said I’m “probably overthinking it” and she hasn’t noticed any of those comments between us. But she said “sorry if I have though.” But she’s done it many times before. What should I do now? Should I wait and see if she stops making those little comments towards me?

[Anonymous]

It might just be her, and if she truly doesn't see it, then it'll be hard for her to stop, but yes you can see. But, it might just be a case and something that you have to "accept" if you're going to remain friends. Or, change how you see her and the friendship. Meaning she's a "type" of friend, maybe not a close one, but still a friend? And if you do anything to "feed" those comments, stop that. Example don't tell or ask her anything, where you feel her response will be like that. Or, worst case, maybe she's not someone you can be friends with? That's your call and decision. If she can't change, or won't, then you'll have to "change", so that you'll be ok.

I've had friends like that, and just as an example of what I mean by the "type of friend", I had one that I used to hang out with, he was a lot of fun, and great that way, but that's all he was to me, he wasn't a "close" friend in that we couldn't talk about personal things or anything like that. He just wasn't that type of friend for me. But he was a great "fun" friend. I had to change how I viewed the friendship and "adjust" to it so that I was ok.

[SladeTannon]

Wait till she makes one and then calmly explain that's what you're taking about. It's likely she doesn't mean it the way you're taking it.

[Asker]

Thanks, I mean it’s unlikely she didn’t mean it though, she was poking at my body and calling me ugly for ages

[SladeTannon]

There's a difference between saying something casually/playfully vs meanly though. She might mean not mean to be hurtful or anything. I mean it's also possible she's just an ass.

If I had to guess, she grew up with one or more brothers, probably older than her, and maybe you didn't?

[Asker]

Yes but she said them meanly and in front of a group of people? And she never used to say these things, this behaviour of hers has only started in the last year. And she has a sister, and no brothers.

[Mynameisbobby]

She kind of acknowledged that she might be doing it. When you feel that she is doing it again stop and ask her what she meant by her comment. That way maybe she will give you a straight answer. Good luck 👍