Is it normal to be disgusted by cheapskates (stingy people) if you're not one yourself?

[Anonymous]

I'm disgusted by my boss' attitude. On top of working at a dead-end job, my boss never gives anything to anyone, not even a Christmas greeting card. I used to date a cheapskate boyfriend that was so cheap that he suggested me to goggle out my favorite rose and buy it myself online. Yet, I let him borrow money and he never paid me back. I would only receive worthless ''happy b-day fb posts'' online (anyone can write a post) and nothing else.

I've always been someone that likes sharing with the family and a boyfriend. If I come home with goods and foods then it's for us to eat. I've been helping out my current boyfriend by splitting the bill or taking turns; it was my suggestion (by free will... without it being demanded) after the 4th or 5th date of him initially paying.

I don't like that attitude in anyone, man or woman. Is it normal to be disgusted by it if you're not one yourself?

[Oigit]

Your boss isn't any obligation to give anyone a Christmas card. So it's to a case of him being cheap. It's a case of him not doing something he isn't obligated to do. Would it have been nice, sure. But that does not change the fact that he isn't obligated to do so. Sometimes I think we can fall into a mindset where we start thinking because I would do it, they should do it too. That can seem to lead to us putting obligations on people where their isn't one. That might be what happened with your boss.

As for your ex and the flower... that's not being a cheapskate, that's being an ass. It wouldn't kill him to get you a flower and a card. But you letting him borrow money from from you to get a flower for you does raise a huge red flag. Because it it makes me wonder if you are so fixated on people showing their love via material things, there is probably millions of ways someone can exploit that.

[Asker]

It's not about purely the material things but about the dedication and effort behind it that shows the person does care, likes sharing and wants to spend real quality time. For instace, next Saturday I'm inviting my current boyfriend (my 2nd) over for lunch with my parents and I'll be cooking him his favorite food. It's coming from the heart vs the time my mother had to literally force my ex boyfriend (my 1st) to give me something for my b-day or take me out at least, to do something. He was going to come all empty handed, have sex and treat it as a normal day, treat me as a cheap girl and do nothing at all. When I spent time with my 2nd boyfriend just Saturday and went out to eat with his mother and sister, I gave them a gift to both women and invited them ice-cream. See the difference?
If I was a boss/supervisor, I would be greatly to have my employees working and show appreciation by giving him a bit of money on special ocassions, a card and other things sometimes. Or I would have a small food banquet and share with them all. That's just me as a person.

[Asker]

Also my first boyfriend would sometimes open our fridge, eat our ice-cream and not share. I would never do that in his house nor someone's house and not share at least. That was cheap and rude.

[Asker]

Lets flip the tables and imagine if I had done what my ex boyfriend did:
- Whenever I'm invited to his house, come with nothing
- Tell his mother ''I once gave my ex boyfriend over $1,000 and continue talking about my ex''
- Go through to their kitchen, open their fridge and their food or ice-cream for myself, not share (not even caring if the lady made food for her husband)
- Expect the dates to always be dutch or 50/50, never taking turns and actually spoiling him at times
- Giving her son nothing for Christmas and just coming over at night for sex
- Coming empty-handed on his b-day and trying to just come for sex too
- Asking his son for money and stringing him along
- Always going to the cheapest place and using a discount ticket (even though I can afford something else)... not even once putting a real effort

What mother would like that?

[Fireguy17]

Ya, that sucks.
It is nice to be recognized for doing a good job.
even if it something little, just so you know you aren't invisible.
There are many bosses that do not seem to have any social skills what so ever, it is all about the money period.
They tend to forget that without good employees that would not be possible.
Not fun to be with those type of people at all.

[Asker]

I think the reason for that is because both of my parents and my grandma are generous people. For us... someone that's cheap is something we won't ever get used to. It makes us think the person either had no manners or doesn't care about you at all.

[Fireguy17]

My thought is that it goes back to how you were raised.
I think you learn those things as well as respect at an early age.

[Citizenkirk]

It should be. A cheapskate disgusted by a cheapskate is either a hypocrite or jealous

[driven159]

yes, it is normal they are not like you and it is the feelings you should have the world has givers and takers seems like there are more takers these days

[Asker]

It's a sad world indeed. I can't believe I gave my ex boyfriend even a chance to continue dating him for so long. It was depressing whenever he would buy all fancy things for himself (everything for him, great watch, great shoes, etc) while giving me nothing but a miserable ''going dutch date'' all the time. Or when he would open our fridge and eat our stuff without sharing, all for himself. A PIG indeed. No wonder my mother always hated him and she was patiently waiting for the day I get fed up with it and throw that garbage out of my life. When I finally did, she was celebrating it with a glass of wine with my father and grandma.
I have a more generous boyfriend now. He's not into fancy clothes nor watches and whenever he buys something to eat, he shares it; totally different than the pig.