Is it normal for my mom to be comparing me to my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

At little bit ago I went to the movies with him and he brought his younger siblings that he doesn’t see often and when my mom found out about this she got upset because I didn’t think to bring my younger brother. That my boyfriend was a nicer sibling than me. When my mom found out that he was passing all his classes with A’s and B’s she got upset and said things like “you could’ve been asking him for help” I only got to know him better during finals week she also said things like “this boy works and still gets good grades so why can’t you?” I don’t want to tell my boyfriend cause I don’t want him to feel like it’s his fault but then again.. I’m not sure it’s normal for a parent to do to their kid. I feel like crying whenever it happened or when I think about it.. it really hurts.

[caring__1]

Parents believe it is their right and duty to criticize their kids, thinking this is what is necessary to motivate the kids to grow. Actually, it doesn't work. The more we feel criticized, the more we resist change, and the less likely we are to take the criticizer's feelings into consideration. There are ways to help us explore and discover, but your mom's dysfunction is unlikely to give her the results she expects to see. Chances are, given the chance to compare your relationship to your sibling and his relationship to his sibling, you'd come up with the realization on your own, without needing it to be pushed down your throat.

[Texaskid1]

Damn that sucks.

My mom used to do that to me when I was a teen. I was never good enough for her - she was constantly criticizing me and always comparing me to other people. It really made me feel like shit.

I guess there are many things that you could say to her:

"I feel fine with how I am doing things"

"Good for him"

"That would not work for me"

Anyhow , you will eventually become and adult and move out of the house.

I hope this helps.