Why am I no longer treated as if I exist?

[Anonymous]

I was living in an abusive household for 10years of my life but once I turned 18 I was able to leave I moved in with my best friend. Before I moved in with her though we'd only be able to see each other at church and she has a clingy personality so she'd be clingy which I didn't mind, but it's like as soon as I moved in with her I didn't matter anymore she wasn't clingy, she ignored me or didn't even notice my presence right Infront of her. I was never cared about at home I was the burden in the family the middle child treated like shit. But I felt loved by my friend and now that I'm living with her I feel like a burden all over again she loves lazing around won't talk to me reads fanfics online all the time and is picky about her food. It's like I'm nothing more than a maid now, I'm just being taken for granted, or at least that's how I feel but I can't understand why?

[wheist9095]

Maybe she saved up all of her social energy for when you guys got to hang out and then all of the rest of the time you guys weren't hanging out you were only ever talking online and that online personality is more vibrant than her IRL personality. It's not that uncommon to find people who put all of themselves into who they are online and theyre introverted or shitty to be around in person.

Honestly you just don't have good friendship chemistry with her, people grow up and they change and they grow apart and I think if you just treat her as a roommate and find other people to be friends with maybe find a partner or learn how to be happy and content on your own that would be better than putting too much energy into figuring out why she's being less than fun to be around

[Asker]

Yeah I get that, and I understand and honestly I actually am happy now there are other people here now and I'm just trying to focus on myself from now on and it's nice, and yeah the find a partner part if life were that easy I'd have one already but not just the good ones but finding someone who likes me for me is an impossible mission to complete.

[wheist9095]

I don't know about it being impossible, you seem like a real nice girl. Is there something you think that is holding you back in the dating scene? Is it low confidence, family history, weight issues, lack of common ground with people, difficulty trusting other people in a relationship?

[Asker]

It's a lot of issues, for one I don't have my own car yet so I feel like shit for not having one so I have a way to get myself around, second I love my body it's my old scars that worry me, third I have some trust issues on whether a guy wants me for my body only or my personality and my body, and lastly I have commitment issues cuz the last guy I dated wasn't very committed even though he asked me out and then his communication was shit barley any at all which hurt my feelings cuz I'm big on trust and communication ya know.

[wheist9095]

I get that, you want to be the best version of yourself when you put yourself out there and you want someone else to see you as the best version of yourself even when times aren't great for you. Trust and commitment, those are tough to get. It's really just case by case with who you find and what they want. I wouldn't worry about old cars, everybody has scars. I know they mean a lot to you, and everybody else's means a lot to them. I got nothing for guys wanting you only for your body, I think physical attraction is certainly part of a lot of people's initial relationship, and yeah for some people that's as far as it goes. But somebody can't spot your personality from across the room, usually

[Asker]

I get all of that, I do and the trust and commitment I guess as long as my partner is honest with me during their best times and worst times I'm happy and I've truly come to love myself I just wanna experience what it's like to love someone and then be loved myself. And the scars I just don't want that to be a reason a person wouldn't wanna be with me is all, and I know I have so much time to get married have kids find someone to love cuz I'm younger than 20 but I'm ready to love someone else and for them to be the only one cuz I feel like I have so much love to give to the one for me and it's just overflowing ya know. And all the people I know their not even 25 yet their either already married with a baby or babies or their getting married and I'm not wanting to get married cuz everyone else is I just have to much love bubbling inside of myself that I wanna share already and I guess I'm a little inpatient but not on purpose. And I do understand what your saying though, but whether married or not have babies or not I honestly am just so ready to give the one for me all this love I have in me for them you know.

[Asker]

And I do understand that physical attraction comes first but I've been in a few relationships where they've only ever wanted my body to use for their pleasure or I was just some tool to be used for whatever they needed or wanted and it sucks ya know, I've never truly experienced love or being loved even though I fell in love a time or two and it just hurt me to much, but I just have never been loved before that it's hard for me to trust I'll be loved now.

[wheist9095]

You make a lot of good points, first off I would not advise trying to throw your entire self into a relationship. Especially like all the people who are around 25 you're talking about that are getting married and having kids. Because I just turned 29 the other day and if I go on tinder a solid 70% of the women on there are single mothers. There is such a thing as going into hard too fast and a lot of people do that and it does not end well. But yeah I get the rest of it as well, there are a lot of shitty people out there who only view themselves as the priority in their life so they just want to use and abuse anybody around them that they can for their own end. I guess all I can say is to keep holding out hope that you'll find someone who can love you for you, because I have to hold out hope as well because I'm also single. And the more years you're single the harder it gets to break into new old habits, trying to remember what it feels like to be with someone that you care about for real. Or forgetting the people in your past that have hurt you so that you can be a more hole person going into your next relationship.

[wheist9095]

Also, anybody who would not want to be with you because of the scars you have or if they can't be honest with you, they're just not people you would want to be with anyway so it's not a loss that you're not with them. If anything it's a benefit to you that they let you know they were shitty before things got serious.

[Asker]

Yeah your right, and I understand I actually was pregnant but I lost my baby this June only 2 and a half months pregnant. I mean if I'm honest I did make this an anonymous but I'm 18 and if I'm honest your right its better assholes like that leave me before any serious damage can be done. And yeah stay away from those who are 25 and married and have kids but I am 18 and I almost became one of those single mothers if I hadn't lost my baby.

[wheist9095]

I'm sorry for your loss, it's never a good thing to lose a child. I can't say that the single mothers are at fault, everybody just plays the hand they're dealt to the best of their ability. Some people play it better than others, or they just get luck in they come from a family with enough wealth and backing to take care of the problems regardless of whatever situation they're in. I kind of forgot what we were talking about with that one, but feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk

[Asker]

See as much as I'd like to message you, I seem to not have enough points to send messages so maybe you should try messaging me I guess, I just followed you like maybe a minute ago

[wheist9095]

Okay I sent you a message

[Guy13]

Obviously 🙄, you are in a pattern of living that is unhealthy. This needs to be addressed professional given you have replicated it in another setting. I would find a place that I could afford independently and get in Christian counseling at your church…or a secular one. Until the AH-HA light 💡 comes on, I would not put myself in a cohabitation condition.

[Avicenna]

Time to find your own place. She saw how you could be taken advantage of.

[Asker]

Yeah I guess so, and thanks for the advice I'm actually looking for my own place and in about 4 months I'll have one but yes I will be staying here for a while longer but thankfully there are more roommates now

[Avicenna]

I hope it works out for you

[Anonymous]

It's time to move on from this and find some freedom and peace of mind.

[Sketti2021]

You have low self esteem