Was I wrong to lie to my brother about my vehicle being in the shop?

[Anonymous]

For the past month my brother (25m) has been coming over for one or two days a week. He has no license (lost it- DUI) and his girlfriend, who had been giving him rides to and from work every day, picked up a new job and cannot bring him on specific days anymore. He has been fully reliant on me during those days and at first I didn't mind because my brother is a recovering addict and because of this, I hadn't seen him too often but now that he is trying to get his life back on track and is sober, he has been making a point to be present. I truly loved it in the beginning and didn't see it as a burden at all. Especially where I felt that I was kind of helping him stay on track with his sobriety by showing up and being there when he needed me, you know?

But the thing is.. it's now going on the 4th week where I have been feeding him one to two days a week AND transporting him to work those days as well at 530am. He has not once offered gas money and he eats a lot. I have a five person household and we live paycheck to paycheck. The days that he is here he wants me to stay up hanging out with him until midnight as well, so I'm running on less than 4 hours of sleep a night and don't think it's safe to be driving him to work when I can barely keep my eyes open. And yes, I've talked to him about this but he has no kids and doesn't understand how important sleep is because he is still young and can run off an hour of sleep and energy drinks and be fine. So he just laughs it all off and tells me to stop being a Sally (I take no offense to this but it does get irritating because he pushes it and keeps pushing till I give in and drive him).

So he is coming over tonight and I lied and said my vehicle is at the shop. I even parked down the street so he wouldn't see the vehicle. I did this because I knew if he saw the vehicle he would 100% badger me till I drove him to work. My sister thinks I'm being an asshole for lying but he would manipulate me and not take no for an answer.

[Anonymous]

Then stop being easily manipulated? Things like this should be teaching moments for you as to why being a yes girl does not work in your favor. You are not obligated to constantly agree to this or that for him, but because you do not set boundaries and maintain them, he takes advantage. Ask yourself why you feel arm-twisted into saying yes all the time, like maybe it’s fear of what your family would think, hurting his feelings or whatever. Then get over it because being his doormat does nothing mentally or financially for you and you shouldn’t force yourself to pinch pennies and struggle over his own mistakes.

[Asker]

I guess I just feel obligated because whenever I say no, he pulls the "this job is the only thing keeping me sober" lines and then I'm riddled with guilt. And it sucks because I'm self aware enough to know I'm being manipulated by him.

[Opinion Owner]

Sobriety is his responsibility, not yours. If he didn’t have you to drive him around, then what would he do? Make it work, that’s what. There’s other routes of transportation, it doesn’t have to fall on your shoulders and tbh you shouldn’t allow it. He’s not considering you and your financial situation or what transporting takes, not even offering gas on occasion. So there’s no need for you to be guilt ridden.

[joeldalton]

Then you ask him to contribute. Don't be passive-aggressive and and asshole. If he can't contribute then he can't get rides and food.

[Anonymous]

Welll, you should just tell him the truth.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks.