Is it normal for a husband to go out clubbing with friends and coming home drunk at late hours?

[Anonymous]

If a husband and father of two small kids, sometimes goes out clubbing with friends and comes home drunk at late hours or doesn't come till the following day is this normal?

He's in his 30's but apparently is reverting back to doing those behavior as when he was younger and single. Is this normal?

Updates

1 y

and he's late on a couple of bills

Updates

1 y

He used to be a party guy in his younger years. He was both a great student with a high GPA (in fact he skipped two grades so he graduated from HS at age 16) and still went to parties. He would sometimes come late to classes because he already knew the lecture.
These changes started happening 4 years after our 2nd child (who is now 5 years old) was born. He's reverting back to his partying ways. I'm going to have a serious talk with him. This is the 5th time this happened this month.

[Qdbrown]

It's not unusal for some younger men to want to do stuff like this. They can take a lot on, and realize the happy fun years are gone, unless they get back to it.

Is it good? Not at all. If he is clubbing, he is away from his family. He is drinking, wasting his money and time to just have his own fun and increases the likelihood of doing something stupid, as most college kids do at somepoint. He's not in college. People in his little family are counting on him.

What this says is he never grew up. He got old enough to be at man-age, got married and has kids, but has never departed his younger life. This is now his getaway and hobby.

He really needs to be home, working to help out around the house, on himself for a better career, or at least hovering over his family. I am pretty sure he would not like it if you went clubbing, and got drunk. Came home late. I am pretty sure he would ready to end the marriage. Yet he thinks it's okay when he does it.

Sadly, he just never had the chance to grow up. Many guys are having these problems these days. They wonder around in life. There is no more societal ceremony to encourage guys to want to move on. Some, including women, think they can have it all, which is impossible.

Sadly, if the man can't find his manhood, they rarely do these days. And sadly once it falls apart on them, do they ever realize what should have been done. And even worse they regret they did all the wrong things, after it's too late to be there to fix them.

[Lliam]

Well said.

[Asker]

He used to be a party guy in his younger years. He could be both a great student with a high GPA (in fact he skipped two grades so he graduated from HS at age 16) and still went to parties on the weekends. He didn't need to study too much in his days. He would sometimes come late to classes because he already knew the lecture and got A's. Since he was the best student (academically), the teacher didn't say much.
Fast-forward to our marriage, he become a responsible man at first. These changes started happening 4 years after our 2nd child (who is now 5 years old) was born. He had changed and now is reverting back to his partying ways. I'm going to have a serious talk with him. This is the 5th time he has come home late, sloppy, drunk and vomiting in the toilet.

[Qdbrown]

He has had life and everything thrown on a platter for him. He has never really had to put the effort into it.

Nothing of value can be given. He needs to have something he can really work on and now work to maintain his family. He probably feels like he is hit the highest place in the family, and now he is moving on to more fun stuff.

Still, big sign of imaturity.

[lightbulb27]

no and it's not good.

but then again, people gravitate back to what made them feel good and low stress... and apparently this was whom you married. There is added stress at home with kids. he's avoiding dealing with it by not being there and maybe all of it is taking it's toll and causing you all to fall apart financially. This is gonna blow at some point... you wonder why there is a 7 year itch?

So need to find a solution to reduce stress, manage stress, increase intimacy and communication. He's probably all bottled up too. You apparently are the mature adult here, pull him aside, do something fun periodically, date nights or one on one time to rebuild your relationship. Therapist if there's deep issues that he needs help expressing or resolved. Time for the "work" part of relationship...

or else...

[Asker]

This all started 4 years after our 2nd child was born. He didn't use to party nor be late on his bills before. I need to set things straight. He's been doing this 5 times already in this month.

[lightbulb27]

yes. be tactful. He's sick and needs help, not his wife bitching, e venthough that is a legit feeling. He's getting stress relief.
My mom had this issue with mydad...4 kids, he'd be out drinking with co workers. he ended up stopping that but not sure what else he got into:)
Reality with stress is... it has to be managed, emotions have to be dealt with.
Could be gambling and such, that's why bills are late.
I think it IS normal for people to have problems, fail, revisit childhood issues, get overly stressed, or mental illness.
hope for the best.

[lightbulb27]

if he's that smart, he may be bored and "not in his element" of skills handling kids. He may need some new challenges.
Get him a bicycle or dirt bike and tell him no more partying:)

[BlueScorpio]

Its okay to have fun with the boys but he can't keep that up every night out with them. The coming home the following day isn't alright, and neither id being behind on bills. It sounds like he's definitely starting to slack little and go back into his carefree days. My mom and aunt went out all the time, both my parents did but they would always come back the same night, not the next day. He doesn't need to make this behavior a routine. He's only 30, he's too young to be having a midlife crisis already.

[Asker]

You can read my 2nd update about him. I've now counted 5 times he came home drunk this month in front of my kids. They both asked why is daddy walking sloppy and if he's drunk again. I plan to set this all straight and will have a serious talk with him.

[bubblegunnn]

Something its not normal here.. and i think u know its not normal tho.. follow ur guts

[Asker]

I'm going to have a serious talk with him now. I just posted a 2nd update. He made it so obvious when he came drunk and acted all sloppy in front of my kids. He woke up the kids because he bumped into kids, talked slurry and they asked ''is daddy drunk again''. This is a bad example for sure.

[bubblegunnn]

5th time happened this month? Holy moly! Ma'am u should do have a really serious talk w him..

[Lliam]

It's not normal at all. It sounds like he thinks he's still in college. But he has a family now, and family should come first. He should be focused on your futures instead of drinking and partying like a frat boy.

Also, think about this. What would he say if you went out clubbing and getting drunk with the girls on a regular basis, and didn't even come home until morning. He's think you were whoring around. And I suspect that's what he is doing.

[Asker]

I posted another update about him. This is the 5th time he has come home drunk in this month. Plus he's behind a bill. I'm going to have a serious talk with him.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Sounds like he needs his wife to be his friend and have a conversation about her concerns with his lifestyle choices and to let him know that he has people who are depending on him and want to help.

Maybe he didn't get to do much of that kind of stuff when he was younger, or maybe he's just a party animal. Either way he shouldn't be doing that if he's behind on bills. At least not when he hasn't talked to you about what's going on.

But it sounds like he's trying to distract himself from something.

I'd say it's only weird because he's not keeping up with his financial responsibilities.

[Asker]

I posted an update about him. He did have fun in his younger years. He stopped but then reverted back to it 4 years after our 2nd child was born.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I get that and I don't want this to come across the wrong way, it's good to get peoples second opinions but realistically, why aren't you talking to him about this right now? Why are you posting here and letting all the aggravation build up in you?

Maybe there's more to this than what's immediately obvious. Maybe he's in a bad place, maybe he's afraid of being a father or growing older. You're situation isn't going to get better until he feels comfortable admitting that this is a problem.

[Anonymous]

How often are we talking about? Doing that only a handful of times per year is not really that major. I'm not condoning the behavior because I don't ever go clubbing as it is not my thing but people do need to let loose once in a while. Women, who have families, love having their rare "girls' night out" with friends, for example, in order to relieve some stress.

If we're talking about multiple times a month or weekly, then yes, that is not a good practice for someone who should prioritize family and children.

Then again, if it's extremely disruptive behavior where they come home so sloshed that they make tons of noise or act aggressive, that's not good/normal either.

[Asker]

In this month I've counted 5 times. When he came home drunk, he got sloppy, bumped into kids, slurry speech and woke up our kids. They both asked why is he talking sloppy and if he's drunk again. Bad example.

[Asker]

I need to have a serious talk with him about it. I'm also worried that ever since he reverted to his partying ways, he's been behind on the bills too.

[DavidRaul]

Thats immature of him. He is behaving like a college kid. He needs to man up and take some responsibility. You both should have a talk on his behaviour.

[Asker]

I just posted my 2nd update. I'll now have a serious talk with him. The worse part is when he came drunk, he woke up our kids and got sloppy. He bumps into things and his speech is slurry. Both noticed it and asked if daddy is drunk again.

[Asker]

Our kids are 5 and 7 years old.

[WhitneySnow]

No. That’s not normal. He should take care of his family first.

[Asker]

I posted a 2nd update about him. Yes I'm worried. My kids even asked if why is daddy walking sloppy, is he drunk again. Plus he's behind his bill. I'm going to have a serious talk with him.

[Moose304]

It's NOT normal for anybody. Heck, this is not something single folks do all the time. I am single, even when in my 30s I knew I had to work the next morning and got to sleep at a decent time.

[Asker]

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in thinking it's not normal. I updated my posted. He didn't use to be that way in the beginning of our marriage. It was 4 years after our 2nd child was born.

[Anonymous]

Well this is certainly cause for a discussion. He is staying out late with friends when he has a family at home. And if he is late on bills he could be spending too much money on partying. Sounds like he needs to knock it off.

[Asker]

I'll have a serious discussion and inform him the partying is over. Ever since he reverted back to his partying ways, he's been late on the bills. He also woke up our kids (they're 7 and 5 years old) when he bumped into things, walked sloppy and his speech was slurry. Our kids asked if daddy was drunk again.

[HaveNoName]

Not a behavior of a responsible family man and definitely a red flag for a broken marriage with only a miraculous slight chance of return to "normal".

[Asker]

I posted an update about it. I'm going to have a serious talk with him about it. I'm worried because this is the 5th time he has come home drunk this month and is behind his bill.

[HaveNoName]

To the update: nothing wrong with partying with HIS friends as long as it is responsible partying and not too often. His problem does not seem to be just partying.

[Asker]

yes and he came drunk in front of our kids. They both asked why is daddy walking sloppy and if he's drunk again.

[Asker]

He woke up the kids because when he's drunk he's very sloppy that he bumps into things and makes it very obvious.

[HaveNoName]

I just hope your immediate family stands by you and if you have to cal it quits on him, they support you.

[carlgpfeifer]

It's normal for husband to come home and support his famelie not to come home drunk that can tear up famelie part when there is kids in famelie don. t risk geting into fight get help for your husband get him into rehab fast before dangerous outbreak of voilece starts up and call. police just have nine one one on hand

[Asker]

I updated about him. He's actually sloppy and silly when he gets drunk, not aggressive. He walks sloppy, talks some nonsense and vomits in the toilet.

[carlgpfeifer]

sometime when husband's don. t understand when they over drink they get drunk there are killing there body's with too much beer that this dangerous to do

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Sounds like he's immature and needs to grow up

[Asker]

I'm going to have a serious talk with him about it. I posted a 2nd update.

[annabananna]

Maybe every once in a blue moon coming home late but I wouldn’t like it if it was all the time and if it was the next morning I’d be worried something happened.

[Asker]

Yes I'm worried. This month, I've counted 5 times this has happened. My kids even asked why is daddy walking sloppy and if he's drunk again. I'll have a serious talk with him.

[annabananna]

I hope things get better.

[petitedollbabee]

I find it strange for anyone over 26 to be clubbing.

[Asker]

Yes I'm worried. When he came home drunk, he made it so obvious that my kids asked why was he walking sloppy and if he was drunk again. I don't like it that this is recurrent and him being late on the bill.

[misfittoy]

no, those days should be long behind him. if you got a wife and kids

[Asker]

This indeed. I added a 2nd update and will now have a serious talk with him.

[misfittoy]

100 percent agree with you

[Chaser3232]

Nope not normal, immature and he needs to take responsibility for life. Wife, children and job!

[Asker]

I'll have a serious talk about him. I just posted my 2nd update.

[AddylynnNightingale]

Not when I'm the wife. He's not going home drunk unless I'm there to get him home safely.

[shark58]

Normal? This can happen, especially in Germany, Austria...

[Asker]

I didn't know that. The point is I don't like it and it's affecting the house. He's acting sloppy in front of the kids (they asked ''is daddy drunk again, why is he walking weird''?), vomiting in the toilet and late on the bill. I'm going to have a serious talk with him.

[shark58]

Hm I read the full question now and it seems a little bit different. Ok, anyhow, what is important now, I think, is to get to know his motives. why is he doing that? Is he balanced? or is he in a crises? Is everything ok at home? ... I would just try to get a picture of his personal condition first, and then just state that you are worried about his going out so late and drinking a lot...

[Literalbillionaire17]

Yeah but not often. Too often is something going on

[Asker]

I posted a 2nd update. I'm upset that my kids has to see him all sloppy and drunk. They already know that he was drunk.

[ManHater]

clearly he's still a child and you girl made a stupid choice. Should have picked a responsible man to be with.

[Asker]

He was responsible before but 4 years after our 2nd child was born (he's now 5 years old), it's when he started reverting back to his partying ways from his youthful years.

[KrakenAttackin]

Congratulations, you married a Chad.

Overwhelmingly, this is not the behavior of men with children.

[Asker]

You can read the update. He wasn't like this when we got married. He changed 4 years after our 2nd child was born.

[Rangers]

No, that's a huge red flag and it's only going to get worse, don't let him do that stuff

[Asker]

I posted my 2nd update about him. That's worried is my kids noticed he was drunk. They asked if daddy was drunk again. I will have a serious talk with him.