18 with no ability to do anything?

Question

I recently turned 18 in September. I always knew that my mom is very strict but it was out of love. she happened to be very paranoid. although I haven’t really hung out in high school or had friends to hang out with. I have this thing where I wanted to go to frat parties but she said “no and then I would have to wait college- sophomore year to go to frat parties “ because she looked up frat horror story. and then there was this big Halloween party at another college and I was unable to go. all of my friends went and I got to miss out on memories and having fun and just basically getting closer with them. now they’re all going to the club tomorrow and she saying I can’t go. The thing is she has my location on but I’m three hours away from home. and although I know she’s just trying to protect me I just turned 18 and I don’t understand how I’m supposed to have the best years of my life in college if she’s for bidding me from going places. I was planning to leave my phone here and go but for some reason I would feel guilty. i’m honestly just tired and I feel like I can’t do anything and this is the fact that I have to ask my mom to go places when I’m literally 18 and she’s not here. what should i do?

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

First, congratulations on your birthday! Happy birthday!

Second, sorry you're dealing with that. We parents can love our kids with too much love that we don't want them to get hurt or too much love that we make them do what we think is right. I get it -- not fun.

Third, you're legally an adult. Technically, you can do what you want. Where it gets sticky is when you get support from your mom. Like, if she's paying for gas, food, college, etc. Right? You could say, screw it; I'm going. But then she can say, okay, pay your own way.

So, the answer to your question of "what should I do" is -- if you are in that position of being tied to her financially -- sit down unemotionally with her and try to lay out the case for why you should go. I agree with you -- this is too much. I get a parent being concerned for their kids, but treating you as if you were an 11 year old girl still living at home doesn't make much sense. And maybe you frame it that way. Frame it that it's not that you want to go drink and have sex (whether or not you do is not relevant) it's that asking her permission to go out when you don't even live with her and you're 18 is a bit much. I think the best course of action in this case is to try to change her mind. And, do you have any other family/relatives/neighbors/teachers who can help change your mom's mind? Sometimes parents will listen to them.

inhua · Accepted Answer

your mother is looking out for your safety which is perfectly normal and if you were a mother you'd probably do the same too if you really cared for your daughter.

you do have the ability to anything but your willingness to rush into things is probably why your mother is concerned. people who become legal adults often want to rush into things real quick such as alcohol, partying, drugs, smoking, hook-ups, unprotected sex etc.

personally I was never the type to rush into anything. didn't go to my first party until I was 20, didn't drink my first alcohol until I was 22, often peer pressured to do drugs, smoking, vape, tattoos etc but never did till this day.

do whatever you want but realize this (as I believe your mother has come to realize too) as people don't go to parties for the food, the drinks, the alcohol, the loud music, the dancing or truly the socializing (which actually leads somewhere). they go there for the after-party which is where people get paired to get down and dirty in private.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Well. If you live with her or depend on her for anything, still, and don’t tend to it on your own plate, she has some say, as upsetting as it is.

I think if you have your own means to travel, income, and are independent, then you can go to as many frat parties as you wish.

This short window of years is to encourage you to fight for what you want, by establishing yourself financially; etc.

And when I say “establish,” I don’t mean depending on other friends/ boyfriend/ etc.

I mean, being able to hold what’s rightfully yours.

Maybe your mom is indeed paranoid- I’ve faced similar, and it’s not uncommon for moms to have a hard time letting their children go; etc.

Just have all your pieces together. Show her you’re not a kid in any way, instead, an adult in every aspect, and choose what you’d like.

It’s your life. At 18 you could die, but it’s your life. 🤷‍♀️

and life is meant to be lived.

supercutebutt · Accepted Answer

Would your mom be open to you setting up a gloryhole near the backdoor of your house? You could finally experience encounters with men without having to fully interact with them except for the swollen manhood part.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes, there are definitely some horror stories of stuff that has actually happened at frat parties. She has good reason to be worried.

And I understand you're 18, but your mom still cares about you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you.

Can you look up fun activities to do that are more on the safer side?

What about campus life? Do they have fun events?

Or TopGolf or Bowlero?

There are also a lot of great museums that you could go to with your friends.

Or hockey or basketball.

Summeroflove · Answer

You’re a adult now. So you’re free to do as you please. Bur maybe she’s looking out for you

DJB72 · Answer

Grow a set. You've left home, living independently or semi.

Be responsible - ie don't get shitfaced and screw anything with a pulse - but make choices.

If you don't then in a couple of years when you graduate you'll be back living with mummy like Norman Bates.

Why not host something

RealMarek · Answer

Until you can support yourself, wait. Hopefully the best years of your life will be after college, not during it. After all, most of your years will probably be spent outside of college. If college isn’t so challenging that your best, most fun years are during college, it probably isn’t worth the cost.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

She should allow you to go places she may be sorry when you get older.

TheNameIsRob · Answer

Happy Birthday. I think it speaks highly of your character that you are respectful of your mother even though you know she’s being a bit controlling…to put it mildly.

In my opinion you should talk to her and let her know exactly how you feel and inform her that you need to make your own decisions and will be doing just that. Let her know that she has raised a responsible young lady and that you prefer being honest with her as opposed to lying and sneaking around.

standardguy · Answer

You should talk principally with your Mom. Tell her all your feelings and needs. I understand that she wants to protect you but she also has to give you trust. She has to trust you that you won't do stupid things on the party. And she has to accept that you are an adult young man now who has to manage his own live. You must be able to show her that you are responsible and relyable.

nawtee_me · Answer

you need to find a job and start saving so you can go out with friends. If you have gas money someone will pick you up and take you...

WhitneySnow · Answer

Don’t feel guilty. Just leave your phone and go with your friends. You’re 18 girl. It’s your life.

dudeinohio · Answer

Go anyway. You are an adult now. Your parents legally have no control over you.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Who typed this for you?

iamGod-Like · Answer

why do you want to go to fart parties?

eagle1951 · Answer

i'd sneak out and go

18 with no ability to do anything?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I am 30 and have no life?

18 with no ability to do anything?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I am 30 and have no life?

We're glad to see you liked this post.