Let's vote and see how many people truly want to have a child and how many don't.
Feel free to share your insights on this topic.
No, I don't.
Yes, I do.
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My girlfriend and I have actually have three children (two boys and my little princess) together and I was incredibly happy all three times she told me she was pregnant. If she were to tell me tomorrow that we were expecting another baby, you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face.
Also, I have a son with a woman with whom I had a one night stand. She did not tell me that I had gotten her pregnant and decided to raise the baby on her own. Then about two years ago she decided that our son should know his father. So - and I don't know how she managed to track me down - she contacted me and introduced me to my teenaged son. (A test confirmed that I was the father.)
To be sure, I was shocked, but I can't lie, I was also wildly happy and although it has had its awkward moments, I love him and am as proud of him as I am my other children. To be sure, that is not quite "having a baby," but there is just something amazing about having children and being a father and I would not change a thing.
Like I said, if my girlfriend told me tomorrow that she was pregnant again you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face. Yes, it has its moments, but there is something about holding this little life in your arms and being responsible for protecting him or her and knowing that a part of you made that baby that is just incredible.
Long way around, yup, I love the children I have - and I love the mommy of three of them and I even compliment the mother of my eldest. She did an amazing job raising our son and my only regret is that I have missed so much of his life.
Like I said, if my girlfriend told me tomorrow that she was pregnant again, you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face. Call it evolution - we men are meant to procreate and spread our DNA - or whatever, my girlfriend and our children are the greatest gifts I have ever been given.
@Rania05 Because although we have talked about it, we decided that we don't want all the folderol surrounding a wedding and marriage. We like the simplicity and - for lack of a better term - the "naturalness" of what we share. We just don't think that it would be improved upon - and may even be degraded - by an expensive ring, a dress, a big ceremony and a permission slip from the state.
It is kind of funny because we are otherwise fairly traditional, but something about a wedding and a marriage and, as I say, a permission slip from the state, turned us off. We love each other deeply and didn't want anything so artificial as all that.
Hope that helps explain where we are, as they say, "comin' from."
@WhiteBoyChill Well, we do have to accommodate some of the legalities. For example, we had to set things up so that if either of us passes away that the other can get spousal Social Security benefits and the like.
You can't avoid it completely. However, for us, the main thing is that what we share is natural and beautiful and - for lack of a better term - instinctive. We just felt that all the "noise" around a wedding and a marriage license and all the rest is an artificial contrivance and we did not want to cloud what we have - which is simple and beautiful - with such artifice.
Thanks though for the kind words. As I say, I admit that what we are doing is, at some level, a bit romanticized and certainly un-traditional, but it means so much to us and our little family.
@WhiteBoyChill Totally agree - and we are totally happy with our relationship being about just us - at the most fundamental level - without all the "noise." Thanks for the kind words.
I mean I’d still pretend to be married though if people asked. Generally frowned upon to have kids outside of marriage even if unofficially you are a married couple
@WhiteBoyChill Well, we don't say anything one way or the other. People just assume what they will - and of course our families know - but we don't hide anything.
For that matter, if anyone asks, we tell them. You get the "hairy eyeball" every now and then, but it is not a matter of great moment. As I say, we love what we share and we love the "naturalness" of it, so we are not inclined to hide it. Like much else in life, it just is, so to speak.
As I say, we are just being and doing what nature made us to do. You no more make excuses for it or try to hide it than if you were the birds and the bees in nature, so to speak.
@WhiteBoyChill There is nothing wrong with the legal "bullshit" as you call. it. Often it protects people who are cohabiting as far as property and children issues are concerned. "Common law" applies and is different state to state when couples simply live together and won't protect a pair from ending up in court if there is argument over how to split up assets and/or child support in the event of "divorce," even if you can't call it divorce technically because you were never married.
If you've acquired a home, a car, a dog, stocks, savings or anything during your relationship, a court or lawyer will have to determine how you split that property according to how long you've lived together.
You might say, oh, you'll do this or that, but if you haven't written up a legally registered document stating how you'll split property and/or child-care and support responsibilities, you will end up in court, and have a judge do it for you. Married or not.
When people are angry after a split, they are usually not rational and often act irrationally and unfairly. This is why marriage came about. To protect all parties. And when people are together and happy, they often can't imagine HAVING a split and don't prepare for it.
I've barely got my own shit together at this age, I'm thinking it might be getting too late for me to have a kid but something about it is appealing all the same.
Here's the thing: In my 20s I had no desire to be a parent and didn't know if I ever wanted to be one, despite having very good parents and a lovely childhood. I wanted to be free and to explore life. It wasn't until my mid-30s that I was interested.
Some come to parenthood earlier, others later. It's always a compromise. You lose some time, you lose some money, but you bring a new person to the world who can bring joy to you and to others. You learn a lot. You sacrifice some too. If you have a special needs child, you will sacrifice a lot. You have to decide how you'll deal with unexpected situations, such as a special needs child. Whether you'll have more than one child, or whether you can afford to have more than two.
There are many decisions concerning having a family. Think through your options and plan to the best of your ability.
@Brittanyroseee You might hold to that, or you might change your mind. In 10 years you don't know how you'll feel. It's OK if you say no, and OK if you change your mind, but be flexible. Nothing is set in stone.
Oh no sir I won’t. Been like this since i was a kid myself. I don’t want to make my life miserable or difficult and unhappy. I wouldn’t be having a good time being a parent and wasting my money on the kid
@Brittanyroseee Brittany, I feel the same way, STILL. Babyhood and toddlerhood are the hardest times. But when kids become verbal and develop personalities, they are people and can be enjoyable. I didn't find my child lead to my being unhappy or made my life miserable. There are ALWAYS difficulties when you allow someone new into your life because that person IS NOT YOU! You can often have a good time being a parent. It IS a responsibility, but kids are usually also flexible and realize you're helping them grow.
You're not "wasting money" on a kid. The money you WISELY spend is an investment in that child's future and the world's future. Each person who's here is valuable. You were a child as I was. People invested in us.
I repeat, it's fine if you ultimately decide to not parent or raise a child. But money isn't wasted, nor is time when you help someone grow to be a good person. Good luck with your choices.
Sir, thanks for the response but I don’t think you seem to understand that it would be a complete waste of money to ME. Yes, i have like 40k in my savings not going to lie, im very good and spending my money and saving, i can afford designer items, but i can ONLY afford MYSELF. Is what im saying. I look forward to my paychecks, i want to spend it on necessary things like my bills, rent, groceries, and stuff for myself like nice vacations here and there and gifts for myself. I don’t want to spend my money on a child. Yes they grow up, and become their own person which could end up being in a negative way! You know how many cases there are of CHILD MURDERER, a school shooter! There are many cases of kids killing their own FAMILY. Im just saying lol.
Yeah I don’t want to be stuck with a child for 18 years, paying for their college. I don’t want to invest my money in that😂im not down to pay for extra things for the kid like extra groceries, extra dinners at a restaurant, extra tickets for plane, extra tickets for a theme park, etc. A kid is very expensive sir.. very expensive.
Also, I don’t want kids cuz what if the guy leaves me? Or i find out he is cheating? Then im stuck with his offspring and i would NOT move on from him or the situation because a child would be involved and i would be FORCED to stay in contact with him KNOWING he either 1. left me 2. cheated on me 3. was/is abusive The child then, would become a huge burden on me and i would regret the child… What if the dad does not decide to stick around? And im a single struggling mom like many women? Yeaaaah. No… i would rather get married, NOT have kids and if anything happens and he leaves me, BOOM, DONE. Over with, good bye lol. Feel me?
I drink large amounts of milk and probably had too many eggs this morning. You don't wanna know what I don't need when i'm on the can, paying the price? Little jessica just... in her stroller in the same stall with me... doing baby shit. And I gotta bring her with me to a movie that's rated R? Oh wait, I can't because no BABIES ALLOWED IN R RATED MOVIES.
No, never. My DNA and genes are beyond f*cked up and it'd be a crime against humanity for me to ever conceive children. Even if I ever wanted kids, at best, I'd adopt a little North Korean baby girl or something.
Raising kids do appeal me. Marriage for life appeals me too. Adoption does appeal me even more. Getting pregnant and bringing so much risk to my body and mental health? I don't want to risk this.
I'm a conflicted. Sometimes I think that I want to have kids and a family, other times I feel that it's not worth it. But I already know that if I decide to have biological children, I'm not in time of doing so.
No! I don't want kids ever. I spent 7 years at uni, owing megabucks in student loans. I now have a very well paid job, as does my partner. I will not give that up to raise kids.
The modern feminists dream for all women. Get in debt, work the rest of your life, regret it later. More wage slaves for the government I guess. Not saying it's an issue for you, but the whole agenda is nasty.
Nope, I've always been freaked out by pregnancy and childbirth, and last year, I took a first aid class and saw some pretty graphic pictures of childbirth, and I don't like kids that much so no
Absolutely not, I can't even take care of myself, let alone a person who needs me all the time and I'm incapable of feeling joy so I'd make a horrible father, I'd have to surrender them to foster care to do the right thing
My wife and I have a 10 year old son now. If it wasn’t for my wife being on menopause - we would love to have another baby but want the baby to be a girl to complete our family 👍🙂
