Does anyone have any tips for not feeling bad for people so much?

[Anonymous]

I don't know what it is but I feel bad for people whether it be family members, friends, or coworkers. Like the person could be a complete jerk to me and I will feel bad an not say a word back to his/her insults. But even if a person is completely happy based on a slightly different look on their face i think they're hurting and I am making it worse. Because I feel like this is all mental

[AmandaYVR]

You sound like a very, very nice and good-hearted person. So kudos to you. Society needs more people like you in it.

But otoh... why is it that you feel you can't stand up for yourself, speak and defend yourself, even when someone "is a jerk to [you]"? That's not healthy for you, dear. You also need to learn some assertiveness. People will take advantage of your kindnesses. Try to strike a balance. Don't 'an eye for an eye' it, but it's also okay to be your own advocate.

[Asker]

Thank you and I probably should speak up for myself but it’s usually not the first response that comes up for me. Like for some people if they get called a name they may start a argument or some would start a fight but me I guess I just let it go over my head and my grandma told me that usually at work if they react negatively it’s not because of me but because of something else that’s going on so don’t take it personal. But I can try to defend myself but thank you for the advice

[TrueConfection]

That's compassion. You're doing the right thing. When someone strikes your cheek, give them the other. By showing a jerk your kindness in spite of their attitude, you are least of all planting a seed of compassion and kindness and possibly changing them for the better.

I hope you never lose that feeling. Our hearts should break for unjust acts.

[Asker]

Thanks for the comment. And I didn’t think of it that way. I usually just think about something that my mom said whenever my older siblings were bothering me, “don’t give them the reaction they need because that reaction is what makes it fun and gives them a reason to keep going “. Like people at my job tell me to talk back when disrespected but it kind of fuels me and motivates me to do better sometimes. Like at my old job, a coworker told me I would ever amount to anything in life and it motivates. But I appreciate it and appreciate the advice.