Even when i was 9 years old i felt like a bad person. No idea why. I remember telling my mom "I would never trust me, Im a good person but i am also bad, i dont trust myself but you should trust me"
doesn't make much sense but... i did say that lol. When i would tell myself i was a good person, something ALWAYS spoke back to me and said "no, your not." and it was my own mind. I had so much guilt as a child and i didn't even do anything to obtain that guilt.
I still have that guilt some how, i still feel the exact same way except i dont call myself good anymore.
I feel, as stupid as it sounds, like the worst person alive. I whole heartedly believe that if anyone knew the real me they would despise me and even want me dead. I dont even have a reason as to why i feel this way.
Anyway, it makes me extremely miserable. I have been urged to hurt myself to keep myself "in line" even when im not doing anything wrong. I have depression and some days i can't even leave my bed. When my friends stop contacting me for a while i feel like theyve finally seen who i am and hate me. How do i deal with this? its getting really unbearable..
