Is this a weird approach to a job?

[Anonymous]

So I recently got a job and to be honest the employees aren’t the most…welcoming coworkers. So I chose to go in and get my job done and get out nothing too extreme. Also at my last job all the issues and drama came when I was friends with coworkers. I get some people choose to be friends with coworkers and that was me at my first job then it went downhill. But if someone gives effort to be my friend I’ll be friends with them. But I’m not going to dig dig dig to be friends with someone that won’t give 1% effort for me

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea dude, that sounds like a good plan. Be clear that you're open to friendship if someone seems up for it. Like don't make a point to NOT be friendly/pleasant. Don't go out of your way to attempt a friendship that seems unwelcomed, and... just keep your head-down and get your job done.

The idea is to make "your coworkers" (collectively) as positive a force in your life as much as possible. You gotta go to work. It would be ideal if you enjoyed you co-workers. If that's not possible, it's best to "be all good" with your coworkers, etc.

So you make the best of the situation. It sounds like you're making the best plans possible under the circumstances. You aren't going to worry about the fact that your co-workers aren't overly friendly. You're gonna come in and do your shit.

My general advice, is to explicitly "not take sides" in workplace drama from the very begining. Which is easy, as long as your upfront about it.

So when the one guy who seems friendly starts talking shit about Judy from accounting and how you should avoid her... My advice is to EXPLICITLY SAY to that guy, that you'll keep in mind his warning, but that you're gonna give Judy a chance (like with anyone else) and form your own opinion.

So you don't straight-up reject what that guy is telling you. But "taking his side" and saying "thanks man, I'll stay away from Judy" is exactly how everyone gets drawn into one side or another at workplaces with drama. Make explicitly clear that you're willing to get along with anybody/everybody and that you're not willing to take sides. Like whoever you like regardless of which sides they happen to be on in workplace drama.


Trust me, that works. It works well. It's a great way to actually get along with everybody when there's bullshit politics going on at a workplace.

[Asker]

Thank you! Yeah I’m not going to harshly reject someone who’s trying to be my friend but same time if they’re not open to being more than a “we happen to be in this room at the same time that’s all it is” type of person then it’s best to just think of them as that too. And with the taking sides point. I’ve been practicing that since I came to my job before this. There was this one guy that apparently no one really liked and said he’s a jerk and bosses everyone around, etc. but he came and he seemed for the most part a pretty nice person. But at my first job I would trust my “friends “ a bit too much and believe everything they said when it came to how they felt about others and say it’s gotta be true. So that’s probably where like 5% of the drama came from.

[SteveSmith1985]

That's probably where most of the drama came from. If you refuse to be on anybody's "side", then you make your own decisions about who you like and who you don't. So any drama that you're involved in must necessarily be drama you're DIRECTLY involved in (which is much easier to avoid, than when you are on one side of some broader, more complex drama).

There often are worthwhile things that you'll be told when people are talking shit about each other. Definitely do keep everything you hear in mind, just don't believe it's all unbiased truth. People are trying to get you "on their team" by warning you to stay away from Judy. Not simply giving you a disinterested heads-up. It's important to stay conscious of that fact. Often you might end up coming around to the same conclusion yourself anyway.

Maybe Judy legitimately sucks. But then that's still different. You made clear that you're on nobody's side. You're not a fan of Judy because you've decided on your own not to be. Or if you do like Judy after all, then the dude who warned you about her can't feel betrayed or anything. You were up-front about that shit. You just end up seen as a 'noncombatant' by everyone. Glad you're already figuring all that out on your own. Good luck 🙂