Isn't this the worst advice a mother can give to a daughter?

[Anonymous]

My mother is trying to convince to give up on trying to look for commitment because things have changed too much.

That at best just find a boyfriend, live with him, have kid and if things won't work out... I can easily break up and we go our separate way but at least I would already have my child. LOL

So basically be another single mother with even fewer options in the dating pool, already ruined with a kid from another man? Then what, another temporarily live-in relationship, another break-up and nothing lasting?

Updates

1 y

I felt even worst when she advised me that.

Updates

1 y

If I follow her advice then it's going to be even harder to find a serious man. They aren't going to want to take care of a child that's not theirs. LOL

[SnowedIn]

I don't know about worst, but that is TERRIBLE advice.

You're an adult: live your life on your terms.

[Asker]

yup and I want a life companion not just a temporarily boyfriend that can always have one foot out the door anytime the going gets tough... that'll I'll grow old with.

[SnowedIn]

All excellent wants. Just keep doing your thing. She can have her opinion but you manage your life.

[NewsReader]

Terrible advice for sure. She has an unrealistic view on modern relationships and marriage. Just go your own way and don't accept any pressure from her.

[Asker]

Yeah. What I'm seeing is that the women going that route and taking a high chance of being a single mother mainly do it out of desperation. I don't think any woman happily chooses being a single mother as the first resort, as first option. Our first option aka the classical, right one (finding the man, marrying him while still in our 20's and having kids) will always be the better selection.

[Asker]

Having kids with just a live-in boyfriend seems to be just coming from women that are living with that man for years (wasting their time), know very well that man won't propose and so try getting pregnant due to time running out and afraid of breaking up and starting all over.

[RavVid]

It is something of a spiral down. Good for you that you recognize that.

[Asker]

Exactly. There is a much higher chance of becoming a single mother and be less desired by other men if I get pregnant by a live-in boyfriend than if I do things the classical way of getting married and having kids.

[Asker]

the modern dating style isn't in our favor, it's even going against our own market value, our options in the dating pool. I see it as a lose-lose position for a woman.

[RavVid]

I doubt it is suiting average men either. Probably lose-lose for gals and guys. Not that many guys want to raise another mans child. Not that many girls would want to raise another girls child either

[Anonymous]

I agree, that's horrible advice. There are few things worse for a child than being raised by a single mother, and you're right that it would make it harder for you to find a good man.

[Asker]

Exactly. If I can't find commitment then I'd rather be childless and single than give my future child a miserable life, raise him/her without a father figure.

[Opinion Owner]

Good for you, that is the right mindset.

That said, I wish you luck finding love and commitment.

[Anonymous]

I agree with her...
Don't fall in trap of marriage.

[Asker]

are you crazy? So I should just settle for temporarily bfs that can break up anytime the going gets tough because after all there is no actual commitment, just verbal?
What if I get pregnant with just a boyfriend I've lived with, he dumps me because ''oh the sparks isn't there anymore'' and I'm now a single mother? What then? I'm screwed by then. What man is going to want to then commit and be ok with a child not his?

[Opinion Owner]

Don't born kids on dependent on men's...

What if you get married n your husband divorce you after you get pregnant?

If you're financially stable than only born kid.

No one stay forever.

[Asker]

My great-grandparents and paternal grandparents literally stayed till death. In my great-grandfathers case, they died only 2 days apart (great-grandpa died first and then great-grandma got depressed and died shortly). In my grandparents case, grandma died of cancer 12 years old and he continue to remain single till he died last week.
No one stays forever huh?

[Opinion Owner]

Lol in this generation you're dreaming of 70-80s type of love than good luck to you

[Brando10222]

Don't listen to her

[Asker]

Yeah I'm not falling for that. I've analyzed what she just advised and I would be more screwed. That's a bad position for me, a bad position for any woman.

[Brando10222]

Yeah, I agree with you. It's better to be single than to be with the wrong person