Is it ever right for a mother to badmouth about your partner to others?

[Anonymous]

She used to badmouth about my boyfriend to her friends, my relatives and other random people. All of the sudden, those people would advise me against my relationship. Even though this happened long ago, I'm willing to bet those people must still be thinking badly of our relationship because of everything my mother told them about him nonstoppable. That's the only single topic she used to talk to them about for hours every single day... bad things about him.

Both my father and I don't understand what's the idea of involving other people? If I were to argue with my boyfriend or friend... what do others have to know about it? What gave my mother the rights to complain about our relationship to others? I never asked for advice from others either. Is it ever right for a mother to do that?

Updates

+1 y

My boyfriend obviously doesn't like her at all. Yet... if I were to talk garbage about one of my mother's friend to my friends she wouldn't like that. So what is ok to badmouth about your child's partner to everyone?

[Anonymous]

Wow, you are in your 30's and haven't figured this out yet... Interesting. You have to look at things from your Mothers point of view, she is responsible for bringing you into this world and will tend to feel accountable for your actions. So, in that sense, she has every right to badmouth the partner that you chose and she does not approve of.

Since, you obviously disregarded your mothers views on your partner... she was left with no other way to dissuade you from him than by telling the world what she thought about him. That way, maybe someone else could see a way to talk some sense into you.

I'm not saying that this is in any way the right thing to do when it comes to a mother/daughter relationship... Just that it happens all the time.

[Asker]

What she did just made me more closer to him. I don't want others involved in my relationship. I never asked for their advice either.
She never once spoke to both me and my boyfriend on the table in a civilized manner about what she doesn't like; then the issue would've been solved quickly. She resorted to immediately complaining and badmouthing about him to everyone. Sorry for doing that, badmouthing bad about others and then smiling in their face makes you a hypocrite.

[Asker]

Just because she brought me into this world doesn't make hypocrisy and gossiping (esp false things too) coming from her acceptable.

[Opinion Owner]

Never claimed it to be acceptable, I just understand where she is coming from. I know for a fact that in her mind it is not only acceptable but something she has to do... scary isn't it? But, what can you do about it? I love my Mother... yet I avoid her at all cost, simply because I can't say no to her. By the way, my wife has taken advantage of that fact! That is not playing fair!

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry, I totally disregarded when you said that "What she did just made me more closer to him" do you have any idea what that just said about you and anything you would do to rebel against your mother. You just admitted to doing any thing that your mother does not approve of and if she actually say's something about it... I'm just going to freaking do it 10X more record it and put it on YouTube for all the world to see just how much I hate my mother.

Funny, you are willing to cut your nose off to spite your face... You have serious issues with your mother that you need to be resolved... else everything you do will only be because of the relationship you have with your mother... and at this time... all you want to do is hurt her with the choices she doesn't approve of.

[Sam_The_Savage]

So you mean the woman who give you born think negative about you? And the guy who behind your pussy is right?

[Asker]

I don't agree with her behavior. She has done this to other people too. If she doesn't like someone, she has a habit of gossiping and badmouthing endlessly about them to everyone... but smile in their faces like a hypocrite.

[Asker]

She talks bad about him and others for attention too. At the time she would spent hours and hours talking bad about him. Out of so many different topics to talk about, that's all she would talk about with her best friend and others... about him.

[Sam_The_Savage]

But no one hate without any reason. No?

[Asker]

And her reason for not liking him is ridiculous. She thinks my boyfriend should be showering with good, expensive gifts all the times, taking me out on vacation trips, etc.
Yet if he did all that and went broke... my mother would still complain to others that I'm dating a broke, loser.

[Sam_The_Savage]

You're biased towards your boyfriend... talk to her. There is something that worries her. After all she is your mother Dumbo.

[Asker]

Then the right thing would've been to speak directly to my boyfriend and me on the table in a civilized manner... not gossip about him endlessly nor involved others in my relationship.

[Asker]

then continue being a hypocrite and smile in his face but once he's gone... badmouth about him to others... that's the behavior I don't like

[Sam_The_Savage]

Instead of talking about your mother... tell your boyfriend put effort into earnings the trust of your mother.

[Asker]

He doesn't trust her either. At this point it's been years without this getting solved and he doesn't care anyone if she approves or not. Her approval by now would mean nothing to him. He only cares that we're in this together.

[Asker]

He doesn't want to bother into winning her over by now. He tried that already years ago and it didn't work. He gave up on impressing people that don't like him nor care about him.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Damn

[Asker]

Ever since 2021, he has a different view. His stance is that if someone doesn't care nor respect him then why should be be kissing ass and being fake nice to them.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Love make Human blind
And you're example.

Good day.

[Asker]

The reason I disregard my mother's views on him is because she's known to gossip and badmouth about her. She has done this to others too... then smiles in their face. She has elaborated versions too so she's not a reliable source.
I trust my father more in his judgement and he thinks good of my relationship. He is happy that we're happy. If he doesn't like something or someone, then he would be talking to that person about it, not what my mother has been doing... the talking behind someone's back and then being nice to their face.

[slatyb]

No, your mother's behavior is quite ugly. What does she find so objectionable about your boyfriend?

[Asker]

I hate that too. If she doesn't like someone, she's the type to gossip and talk garbage about them but nice in their faces when speaking to them. She doesn't like him because he never showered me with good, expensive gifts nor took me out on vacation trips. Just because he doesn't do that, she thinks he's a cheapstake and that he must be cheating.
He isn't. He is the type that believes in fairness and equality. Lastly, he's saving money too. If he were to do all that he would've been broken and then I'm willing to bet my mother wouldn't like that either. She would then be telling everyone that I'm dating a broken loser.

[Agape93]

Maybe but I don’t think so

[Asker]

I find that behavior wrong. The right way would've been her talking (in a civil manner) to both me and my boyfriend about what she started not liking... havingc conversation on the table instead of all that whole gossiping and badmouthing about him to everyone then smiling in his face like a hypocrite.

[Iron_Man]

She’s in charge she can do what she wants

[Asker]

I don't like that. I don't want others givng me advice nor too involved in my relationship. I never requested advice (much less if it's against him) at all. I never requested help from others.
How about if I were to talk garbage about one of my mother's close friend to my friends? She wouldn't like that at all. Well it's fair that I don't like what she did at the time.

[Iron_Man]

Mothers are way above boyfriends and I always listen to my mother about my girlfriend

[Asker]

Well then the right way would have been if she had directly talk to us on the table and said what she doesn't like about him and the relationship in a civil manner like an adult... instead of gossiping and badmouthing to everyone then smiling in his face like a coward.

[Iron_Man]

What if she talk to you one on one about your boyfriend how would that be? I don’t think that’s being a coward

[Asker]

Much better than having unwanted attention from others about my relationship. Once again, I didn't ask for their advice.
How would you like it if someone talks garbage behind your back and tells personal stuff about yourself too but they smile in your face?

[Iron_Man]

My mom talks to me one on one She has talked about my girlfriend before to my aunt but it was positive