Is it justified for a friend to get mad if I decided to postpone our hangout the week after my week off? She's saying I'm not prioritizing her?

[Msnsns]

Is it justified for a friend to get mad if I decided to postpone our hangout the week after my week off? She's saying I'm not prioritizing her? We didn't even make a solid date because she doesn't even have days off anyway?

Then, I apologized and said what day works better for you. She said I don't know I have no time right now because of how her life is. Im my mind I"m like why are you blowing up on me for something you can't even do? Wtf?

[Anonymous]

If you’re like me then you’re at an age where you prefer low maintenance friendships, meaning they aren’t going to be all upset when you can’t hang out and have more of a ‘I’ll see you when I see you and when we get together it’ll be like I just saw you’ approach to your friends. If that’s you then maybe you’re starting to outgrow your relationship with this woman, and if so then there’s nothing wrong with that.


To be fair, I don’t see this situation as something that needs justification because it’s not for you, us or anyone else to invalidate how she feels. Even if you don’t agree or understand, she clearly is hurt that you cancelled hanging out and it’s important to at least be mindful of her feelings. She could be having a hard time right now and was just looking forward to some fun with her friend, or if you’re the type to flake often then this is her response.


In any case, all you can do is apologize, which you did, and move on. Maybe this is a good time to reflect on the nature of your relationship with her and if she’s still the sort of person you want to maintain a close friendship with.

[Msnsns]

Tbh I don't flake I just haven't met with her.. and we didn't schedule a date. She said she would have to take a day off. So I'm just annoyed because we didn't make a day yet and already upset

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, you aren’t wrong for your feelings either given the situation, but if it really upset her then all you can do is brush it off because she’s entitled to her feelings as well, good or bad. Last year I actually distanced myself from a close friend of over 10+ years for her behaving similar to your friend. Like we can’t invalidate how they feel but we also don’t have to put up with it and maintain regular contact. You and her may have just outgrown each other and that’s perfectly fine.

[Msnsns]

I think I avoid her because she expects me to treat her like a close friend to the point of inviting herself to my birthday parties. And I'm looking the the friendship like it's outer circle. It feels like she's trying to force me to be close when I don't want to and she told me that I'm putting up a wall when we hang out. I don't like this sense of entitlement

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh, so this isn’t even a close friend, then that’s very entitled. Have you tried setting boundaries with her? If you’re even interested in doing that of course

[Msnsns]

I'm trying to do that now. I'm almost 30 and tired of the bs and I'm just trying to set boundaries for real. Some of my friends are used to me being so giving that I need to do this more often.

[Msnsns]

I'm going to tell them don't plan anything for my birthday at all because I honestly want to build a new circle and just have it with people I want. They try to brainwash me that they're my real friends but don't take the time to respect my no or let me asses if they are real friends

[Opinion Owner]

I think that’s a good idea, sometimes you need a change and if they aren’t the right kind of friends for you anymore it’s fine to step away.

[Guy13]

I would no longer be your friend...

[Msnsns]

We were never close friends