Why would my friend call me dense for not knowing what a friend is? Who is in the wrong here?

[Anonymous]

Warning, long rant.

So I explained to her (let’s call her Bridgette) on video chat what happened. So I went to one of my friend’s (let’s call her Amy) house to help her clean out her closet. She stopped cleaning to talk to her boyfriend.

Amy asked if I can finish cleaning her closet for her. Then we met our other two girls pals (let’s call Jenna and Janelle) at the mall. They pretty much we ignored me and only interacted with each other. I got ignored when I asked them about their day and got told to shut up. I was the fourth wheel.

They claimed that they don’t have anymore money and ask me to pay for their purchases. So I reluctantly agreed too. When they asked to get ice cream, I said I don’t know. I said no and they called me selfish and after they went to the bathroom, they never came back. I searched and I called them. Nothing. Then I took Uber home.

Bridgette told me I need to ditch them and she still can’t believe I’m talking to them again when they used me before. I yelled at her not this damn lecture again and she put her foot down and said and told me I needed to hear the truth. The girls don’t care about me and only used me. She also said I need to listen to my family and best friends and I’m too stubborn to see the truth. She told me I’m very dense about friends.

I screamed at her and we had this huge heated argument! I said something to her that was unforgivable. She said, “You know what? This is exactly why you’re best friends left you. You scream whenever you ask for the truth and what you said to me was uncalled for! You don’t even know what a “real” friend is because you suck at being one! You hurt the ones that really love you and go after jackass that use you! You’re a shitty friend! If you wanna spend the rest being used and abused for the rest of your life and be lonely? Be alone! You just see the truth for yourself. I’m done trying to help you!” Then she hung up.
This was in the beginning of May. Bridgette won't speak to me still.

[HelpMe06]

You are definitely in the wrong here. I know it’s hard to hear but you were clearly being used by the other girls. You cleaned someone else’s closet, you then paid for other peoples shopping who then ditched you when you didn’t agree to pay for ice cream. They are literally so ungrateful and clearly are walking all over you because you let them! You had a good friend ‘bridgette’ who was clearly trying to help you see that you deserve better friends in your life and then you yelled at her for giving you genuine friend advice. Its pretty messed up! If I were you I would apologise and admit you were in the wrong and try and get true friends back and ditch anyone who would use you

[Asker]

But she called me dense which is so mean. I mean I did apologize to her three days later but she didn’t accept my apology and said, “I tried really, really hard to be there for you. I’ve always thought of your feelings, cried with you, laughed with you and always picked you up when you were down and this is how you repay me? By being a jerk to me and everyone that you love.”
I never asked her to fill in for my friend I told her and she yelled at me and said, “Are you hearing yourself right now? I never did!! I was a true friend because that’s what REAL FRIENDS DO!!! Why would you ask? You being a shitty friend to me, and your best friend says everything that you don’t a damn thing about being a true friend! No I don’t accept your apology! I am done! I’m not going to have you use me as a prop to use when you need it and push me away when I’m being a true friend! True friends tell you when you’re being a douchebag and that’s what you are!” That’s exactly how she said it. I was shocked. Once never been called a douche in my life. Can you believe her? 😭😩

[HelpMe06]

I personally don't think she said anything that was harsh. She was just over putting in time and effort for someone who wasn't giving that back in return and she expressed that in an honest way because she was probably fed up. It's good that you apologised but I hope this teaches you to value true friends and value the people who are honest with you to help you and not people who will walk all over you. Im surprised you're more upset at this person then the one who ignored you while you were over and then had the audacity to ask you to clean her closet? seems like words effect you more then actions

[Asker]

We’ll best friends aren’t supposed to insult each other and hurt their feelings.

[HelpMe06]

Hypocrite much

[Asker]

Excuse me? I’m not a hypocrite thank you every much?

[kylee2437]

If you want to keep around shitty friends, the least you can do is not talk trash about them to make it known to everyone else that they are bad people. No offense, you brought this into yourself because if you want to keep them around regardless of how they treat you, then there’s no reason to talk badly about them. You want to be used , that’s on you.

[Asker]

I don’t even talk to those girls anymore. They wanted me to get in trouble and I told them off three weeks after what happened. My friend Bridgette still won’t speak to me and called me a douchbag for how I acted. So harsh

[kylee2437]

@asker I mean you did go off on her when she was just being honest with you. I wasn’t there to see how the situation played out , but you probably didn’t handle this well at all. Hopefully a life lesson for you

[Asker]

I did say harsh things to her, I’m not going to lie and that’s when she put her foot down. She didn’t have to say those harsh things and hurt my feelings! True friends don’t hurt each other’s feelings. She told me, “Facts doesn’t care about your feelings and apparently you didn’t care about our feelings when you pushed us away. I had to hurt your feelings to get you to understand how we felt when you hurt us and pushed us away. It sounds cruel and really mean but it’s the only way. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and being nice doesn’t work. You’re an asshole.
I was like, “WTF that was mean. Then she said, “Well it’s the truth.” stopped texting me. I texted her back but she didn’t respond. She is kind and a sweetheart but she can get mean and she isn’t very nice at all.

[kylee2437]

You are right, she isn’t nice at all. I think maybe you taught her that the only way to get you to understand is by being mean. Yes it’s not right and she should apologize if she truly cares. But you can’t make people care. If she doesn’t see this situation as valuable as you do, then she won’t ever own up.

[Asker]

Yeah. She did apologize for being harsh but it’s the only way to get her point across

[kylee2437]

If she apologized, why still fixate on it?

[Asker]

I don’t know.

[jahaims]

Having an opinion isn't wrong

[Asker]

Yeah but calling me dense and stubborn is fucking wrong. No friend insults their friends!

[jahaims]

No, a friend tells you the truth. You just aren't mature enough to hear it.

[Asker]

Not when it hurts your feelings? I never understood why your loved ones say the ugly painful shit to your face and ugly crap to hurt your feelings. Bridgette is one of them. I know she was trying to help me like any true friend but she didn’t have to be so harsh. Who came up with this pathetic quote “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.” ?

[jahaims]

Have you ever heard the saying the truth hurts? Just because something invokes a negative emotion in you doesn't mean the person was being malicious.

[Asker]

Yes and quite frankly it doesn’t make me feel better. Even my sister told me I better toughen up because I will work or deal with brutally honest or blunt people throughout my life and adults should be mature enough to handle the hard truth. Just because they love me doesn’t mean they’re going to tell me what I want to hear. My loved ones sounds harsh and mean but they don’t care of they hurt my feelings.

[jahaims]

Sounds like you need therapy

[Asker]

I’m already in therapy so I’m ahead of you but you have a point