Why do I find most times that people ik rarely communicate to me online? Should I be aiming to find new friends?

[Anonymous]

[AmandaYVR]

People are flaky and distracted nowadays because of the internet. And it's not going to change. People have to decide to change. It's going to be a long process for each individual, and then for society. We're in a 'loneliness epidemic' now. And men tend to suffer in silence more than females. So we do need to change how we treat each other.

Before coming to erroneous conclusions, such as that these people don't care about you, you first have to ascertain what the reasons are for them rarely communicating. There are many, and they don't all have to do with you.

I don't get upset if people take a while to get back to me, or don't reach out often, if when we do talk, it is substantive. To me, that is the marker of good relationships. All the other details don't matter as much, and don't get weighed as much.

Try:

• Being more proactive instead of passive - you reach out. Run a little experiment. Try to think of it objectively, as cause-and-effect. You're a scientist now, not a human being who's feeling rejected and neglected. And you must treat everyone as an individual. Don't apply one experience to all the others, and taint them with one experience or person. You can set a time limit, if you want. Or note how long it takes each person to ping you back. You don't have to be at their beck and call. You deserve respect and care too. But begin objectively, distancing yourself from the result, and think more about the process, as if it was someone else, not you with hurt feelings.
• Next, you've got to try changing the way you communicate. What are you saying to each person? Adapt yourself. Whatever you know about them, work with that. Everyone has different preferences, and everyone can have some bad days (or months). Don't say the same things to everyone. Spark their particular interests. What do you share, have in common, can relate to?
• Specificity. If you try to appeal to everyone, and never to offend, you'll end up being bland. The point of life is not to surround oneself with as many people as possible (despite what many influencers online now delude themselves into thinking). We benefit more from quality, not quantity. So, be you, and don't bend over backwards to adapt, but specificity is key.

Aside from distraction and the on-demand, internet-driven world, people are also stressed out. Don't let that fact escape your analysis. Some people are legit busy. Some are scrabbling just to make ends meet. Covid wiped out a lot of people, and we're still trying to recover as a society. Maybe they seem like they have a lot of time to, say, play video games, and that is not "busy", but it could be a coping mechanism, and addiction, for their own feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. They get so sucked up into an artificial world, it seems to stem the tide of loneliness. But it ends up exacerbating the problem, maybe. (That's just one scenario. It's not a blanket statement. Some play a couple of hours in the evening to de-stress from a hard day's work, too.) So, you might want to try to find out if they're long absences and lapses do stem from life and exhaustion.

Anyway, you get the idea. If none of this seems to apply, or you've already thought about and done these things, then maybe yeah, time for some new blood in your life. New can be fun. Just remember, newer is not always better. Marketing lies.

[Nikki1989]

Real friends don't talk online, they talk face to face or at least on the phone.

[Asker]

Mine can't make time for me anymore due to commitments like work or partner. Hence I'm not sure whether to find new people, because outside of work I can only spend time with myself.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't talk to any of my real life friends online. I talk to them in real life why would I come online to do that?

[Asker]

The problem I have is whenever I'm free the people I get along with are not available? Therefore online apps become my only way to interact with people.

[BoopBoopBeep]

No the "only way to interact with people is online" is never a true statement unless you are bedridden. I don't talk to my real-life friends online because I see them in real life. If I am not going to see them in real life, then I'll see someone else in real life, because that's where most people are at any given time, If they're not available that immediately provides an opportunity to interact with people, because all you have to do is go outside.

[Asker]

I have to spend most of my time by myself. Because no one seems to be free, or put it this way they have a reason not to whether that's true or not. 🤔

[BoopBoopBeep]

No most people in the world are not always busy. Many of them only work 8 hours a day. No able body person has to spend most of the time by himself. Go out in society and do something. Meet somebody at an event with similar interest to you. There you go. You're not by yourself any longer.

[Asker]

The problem is most of the stuff I like involves limited interaction in real life e. g cinema/films , library/ reading, therefore meeting new people who like the same thing is likely to be less straightforward compared to if you are into raves.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I haven't liked raves since I was 15. Look, bro, @Nikki1989 and I are saying the same thing. We don't talk to any of our friends online. Go hang out at a trendy bookstore. Check out symposiums at your local library. I literally have zero desire to ever talk to anybody I know in real life online. There's just no cause for it. You want people to talk to online, hang out online, you want people to talk to in real life, hang out in real life. Make all the excuses and justifications you want, but she and I aren't just conspiring to feed you a line of BS, it actually works.

[B5567]

Yes 💯

[Asker]

Yes to finding new one's?