Am I really self absorbed?

[Anonymous]

I have lost 4 good friends within the past 5 years, practically one a year. I have been told I’m self absorbed but am I really if they have nothing going on? I always have something going on and I like talking about it. Besides, they ask me how things are going so I tell them. When I ask in return how things are going for them, they always say nothing new or that nothing is happening. Its almost always their answer. So am I actually self-absorbed if I’m the only one bringing something new to the table? I don’t think of them as being jealous of my life because its far from perfect. But do they not want to be around me because they wish they had something to share as well?

[Finchie40]

As you get older you will realize most of your friends will go their separate ways and move on with their lives , they don’t hate you , they just move on with their lives and go different directions , if you ever run into them again, they more than likely will still be friendly with you, but you no longer will be their priority , You will realize one day who your true friends truly are , the ones that stayed a part of your life the whole
time , which will probably be 1 or 2 close
Friends but all the others will just be memories. Why I tell people all the time , to never prioritize your friends over your partner , when entering into a relationship with someone , your partner should be your top priority over everyone , if you can’t prioritize your partner , don’t expect your partner to do the same for you and more than likely your relationship will come to an end if you prioritize your friends over your partner, the only time you should prioritize someone other than your partner is if your partner is beating you or cheating on you and treating you like pure shit , but other that you are best to stand by your partner whether you agree with them or not. Don’t get me wrong , It’s good to have friends in your life , but sadly most people make the mistake of prioritizing their friends over their partner not realizing the damage it could cause in their own relationship. With their partner Sadly there is a difference between good friends and toxic friends , a good friend will support your relationship and be happy for you, a toxic friend will try to sabotage your relationship and fill your head with negative things about your partner , my advice to you is to kick those toxic friends to the curb where they belong

[Asker]

Most of them got mad that I prioritized my relationship and constantly talked about it

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a tough situation. A few thoughts:

- It is kinda self-absorbed to always go on and on about yourself without stopping to really ask others open-ended questions and truly listen to their answers.

- Even if friends don't seem to have much new to report, they might still want you to show interest in them beyond just surface level stuff.

- Some people aren't as comfortable talking about their personal lives, so you gotta be understanding of that too.

- Could be they feel like they can't get a word in edgewise when you're dominating conversations. Friends should share time talking.

- Maybe try setting phone calls/meetups just to listen without always steering back to yourself so much.

- And if they say nothing's up, ask thoughtful follow ups like "how are you feeling?" to dig deeper.

Could be an area for growth. Don't assume it's about jealously - might be worth reflecting on if you give friends your full attention too. Quality time listening is important in any friendship.

[Asker]

I said above that I ask them in return and they say nothing is new so I may as well get back to my situation. I’m not dominating someone who chose to be submissive.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah shit, I feel ya. That is kinda annoying when they always say nothing's up when you ask about them. In that case, yeah don't feel bad for talking about your stuff more.

But you still probably want to maintain the friendships long term, right? Even if they ain't always bringing new stuff to share. Maybe find other ways to connect beyond just swapping news and updates.

Like ask about their opinions on stuff instead of just news - "saw this crazy video, what do you think about it?" Play silly hypothetical games or reminisce about old times y'all had fun.

Plus checking in on how they're feeling emotionally can strengthen the bond without needing "new" things happening. "Been kinda stressed lately, things alright?"

Balance is ideal but I get it, they're making it harder being so dry when it's their turn. Just saying throwing them a little extra interest here and there may keep 'em feeling valued as pals. Worth the small effort to hang onto friends, feel me?

[Nxtawm]

If you’ve lost 4 good friends due to the same reason maybe it rlly is a problem you have and you can’t see it. You could ask ur remaining friends if they think you’re self absorbed too. I highly doubt those 4 friends left though because they don’t want to be around you since they wish they have something to share too. You may have said you don’t think they’re jealous of your life but that’s basically also what you’re asking with that last sentence, if they left because they’re jealous you have stuff going on in your life. Anyway I don’t think they stopped being friends because they were jealous of you over you being self absorbed. Again tho ask your current friends what they think, they’d be able to give better answers than we can with little context and especially since the context we’re given is just from your perspective.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Staximus]

I don't think anybody can say if you are or not by the limited information given. Just live your own life. If you treated them like they didn't matter, you need to work on that. If you didn't treat them badly, then the hell with them.

[Asker]

For sure

[spartan55]

So, let me get this straight, it's not YOU that's the problem. It's everyone else, right?

[Asker]

I’m asking how am I the problem if they claim to not have anything going on? If you ask me whats going on then I will tell you. They shouldn’t get mad at something they asked to know

[spartan55]

Lol... 😂 Sure. You're not the problem. I'm sure you never are.

[Asker]

I do not mind taking responsibility but they need to provide a better reasoning.

[spartan55]

Better reasoning for what?

[Asker]

Please read the paragraphs above. They are asking me and I am telling. I ask in return but they say they have nothing to tell. So why am I being punished

[spartan55]

Maybe they do say something and you aren't listening.

[Asker]

I respond to what they are showing to show I’m engaged. They just seem annoyed that most days I’m the one with something to talk about instead of them

[spartan55]

Sounds good.

[boggboss]

Impossible to tell as if its all them u are making shit friends or it has to be somthing u are doing

[Asker]

Like some are single when I’m not or vice versa. So I’m not sure if being unable to relate to the topic at matter is another issue

[boggboss]

Me and my friends have different lives tho and dont have a issue relateling so not sure

[Anonymous]

When we grow we start losing friends..
It's normal

[Asker]

I’m practically down to only one or two now

[Opinion Owner]

No worries feel blessed fake friends are out from your life.