I feel grossed out by my friend (another female) from work, and I feel bad about it?

[Anonymous]

I'm feeling really bad about this. I have a "friend from work" (aka we don't hang out outside of work) and I feel grossed about by her. She definitely wants to be better friends, but I don't.

Her car is a hoarders den, and she always wants to give me rides everywhere. I'm talking coffee cups and food bags several inches high on the floor, used Kleenexes, wrappers... Today she was sick and was coughing. The outside of her car is also completely covered in bird shit.

But she's SO sweet.

I feel bad, but I can't do the gross hoarder stuff. How do I politely make sure we don't become better friends?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh I feel you girl, that sounds nasty as hell! Here's what I would do:

Keep things friendly but casual at work. Don't offer personal details about yourself so there's no expectation of real friendship growth.

When she offers rides, politely decline - "That's so sweet of you but I actually prefer taking my own car." If she asks to carpool, just say your schedule is different.

Compliment her personality to cushion any rejection. "You seem so fun, but I'm really particular about germs/cleanliness so hope you understand." Don't give reasons that imply it's her fault.

Subtly avoid non-work interactions. Be busy if she wants to chat more at lunch. Suggest a work chat group so 1:1 hangs aren't expected.

Hopefully she gets the hint! But remain nice so it doesn't become awkward at work. Just make it clear your connection is coworkers, not bff status. You got this girl!

[Anonymous]

lol sounds like a lot of women’s cars. Coffee cups, clothes, shoes, makeup, food wrappers, medication, etc, etc. More than likely she won’t change, guarantee her room, house is the same.

[rosemilk]

aw, she is obviously having some depression issues! hoarding is usually a cause of trauma that they cannot deal with. she needs a therapist.

i'd kindly try to talk to her about it, maybe offer to help clean her car

[sage2021]

Tell her you would go in her car with her, but you just got the clothes you're wearing out of the cleaners and you want to keep them clean before having to pay $30 again to have them cleaned. See ya!

[leahzrc]

tell her she needs to clean her car in a playful tone

[bededazzle]

just decline invitations and she’ll get the idea

[Staximus]

Tell her to clean her car