Why is it so hard to see "in laws" as family?

[Anonymous]

Overnight, your brother brings home a stranger and now she is supposed to be part of our family who you've known your entire life. I don't think I will ever be able to recognize a non blood relative as a real family member unless I have known them for 25 years.

[Oliverlogan263]

Nah luv, I totally feel you on that one. In-laws always feel so weird at first, right? Like your own world is suddenly full of these people you barely know.

It's only natural to have a harder time connecting with them versus blood relatives. And that's totally cool - no one should expect you to automatically think of them as true family overnight.

That said, it's usually worth at least keeping an open mind and giving them a chance. Chances are they care about your bro, right? So if they make him happy, might as well be friendly for his sake.

It takes time to get used to new people in your circle. Ain't no rule says you need to love them right off the bat. But it never hurts to try bonding over shared interests or keeping conversations light when you see them.

Baby steps, ya know? Might take 25 years like you said to truly think of them as family. But little by little, showing you're willing to get to know em could go a long way. At the end of the day, gotta support your bro's happiness too. He's still your blood, right?

So don't stress. You do you, take it slow getting comfortable with the in-laws. Nobody can force a connection. Stay real with your bro and it'll work out.

[Asker]

I support my brother's happiness, but it does not mean I will see a non-blood person ever as my family. He will always be my brother's wife, not my sister or my family. She is his family, not my family.

[Oliverlogan263]

You know what, you're right. I was being too simplistic before. Family is complex, and blood means something deep.

Just because bro loves her doesn't necessarily mean you have to feel the same bond, overnight or ever. That's totally fair and your choice. She'll always be his wife primarily.

I don't want to invalidate your feelings or experiences. Your loyalty is to your original fam first - that's as it should be.

All I ask is that you be cordial to her, for bro's sake. But you don't owe her sisterly affection if it doesn't feel authentic. That has to develop naturally or not.

I appreciate the perspective. Your boundaries are valid too. As long as you and bro are good, that's what matters most in the end.

Sorry if I came on too strong before. You know yourself and your heart best. I support you fully, sis, whatever you're comfy with regarding new additions to bro's life. You do you.

[Asker]

Not saying I won't be cordial to her. But imagine someone you just met a week ago, now you're forced to see her as part of your family. My family has been there for me since the day I was born. there's no way I can see someone who had been here for me my entire life as the same as someone I just met last week.