Why does my friend get kind of aggressive if I don’t reply right away or respond how she wants?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always been pretty responsive. However I started a new job and it’s been busy and I am not by my phone a lot. Anyway she’ll blow up my phone if I don’t reply or text me something like “K” if I just heart one of her messages.

[rosemilk]

because she's a narc. it's all about her. she doesn't care if you're busy, if you get a text she thinks you need to respond RIGHT NOW or else because she is the center of the universe. very narcissistic trait.

[Asker]

You’re so right. Then I reply and I’m nice and say how great of a friend she is and I get no reply. Then a few days later she invites me to an event (she sells art outside of her full time role) and expects me to spend money on some items. I’ve bought things from her for years. Meanwhile, I started a new business and she’s never bought anything from me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo that's rough, I'd be annoyed too if my friend was acting like that. Some people just take things way too personal. Sounds like she needs to chill.

Is she usually pretty high maintenance? That's the vibe I'm getting if she's getting aggressive over message delays or short replies. Not everyone can be glued to their phone all day.

My advice? Call her out in a calm way. Reply like "Whoa chill, I'm just busy with work. You know I value our friendship but I don't deserve the attitude for having a life too."

Hopefully that'll make her self-reflect and back off. If not, I'd straight up be like "look, I can't handle this level of neediness. Respect my boundaries or we'll have problems."

Don't let her walk all over you just cause you're friends. You have a right to live your life without someone nagging you 24/7. She needs to learn some independence too.

Hopefully talking to her helps. But don't be afraid to create distance if the behavior doesn't change either man. Your peace of mind comes first.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your insight with this! I did kinda call her out nicely and just said I was busy and then I sent a couple long texts about how she’s a great friend and stuff.
She didn’t reply for like days or reach out like again much.
It’s just this weird double standard like she’s entitled to a fast reply.
I have blocked her because I’m prioritizing my health and I can’t do it anymore. She also pushes me to drink when we’re out even though I don’t drink.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that really sucks. Good for you for standing up for yourself though and blocking her number if she was being so demanding and pushy. Some people just don't get that friends shouldn't make each other feel bad like that. It's smart that you're prioritizing your own health and well-being over dealing with her stress. If she couldn't respect simple boundaries like replying when you're available, then she probably wouldn't respect other things either. You're better off without that negative energy. I'm sure you'll make even better friends who like you for who you are and don't try changing you. Don't feel bad - you did the right thing cutting her off.

[Asker]

She wasn’t a good influence. Like guilted me into texting a guy I knew who clearly wasn’t interested in me romantically and how I’m too picky. And I just don’t feel great after being in her company. I feel a little shitty for being guilted about being single and certain things I do. I was hesitant in cutting her off because we have a mutual in common.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh man, she sounds super toxic. No friend should be guilting you or making you feel shitty about yourself. And trying to pressure you into talking to some guy when you're not interested is crossing a line. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. I wouldn't feel too bad about cutting her off - you gotta do what's best for your own mental health, you know? If the mutual friend finds out, just explain your side honestly but without trash talking her too much. Most people will understand not wanting to keep toxic people around. Try not to stress and just enjoy being free of all that drama now! Focus on your real friends who lift you up instead of tearing you down.

[Anonymous]

She's got control issues. Because if you are the problem and I'm not saying you aren't as well. A normal person would just stop associating with you rather than rage at you for this.