Isn't it so unfair, so many deadbeat dads meanwhile my husband can't ever father a child?

[SarahS98]

We're opting for artificial insemination and will have it done within these months. It's just really unfair. There are people out there who aren't fit to be parents and they're breeding like crazy (only for them to abuse those poor babies or place them in dumpsters), lots of deadbeat dads out there and women getting pregnant with men that won't commit, etc.

Meanwhile my first time (yes I was a virgin when we met) was 3 months shy of our wedding and I wanted to carry his baby so badly. It can't be done. He knows he'll never be able to be a biological dad. I'll be carrying someone else's child. Do you find this unfair; those that don't deserve kids breed like crazy and someone that would've been a great father can't have his own kids?

[Summeroflove]

Unfortunately this world is fallen people point out deadbeat moms as well. I do agree that it’s not a male or female thing, more of just a people thing. But I understand the point of your question is asking why so many men are like that, but you find one who isn’t and he isn’t able to have kids of his own.

I also would pray through God all things are possible despite what people may say about it.

I just think a LOT of people (men and women alike) want to go out and have sex and not deal with consequences. Knocking women up and never paying a dime in child support, killing babies with abortion, throwing babies away, or women having babies and leaving the man with them. It’s disgusting. But we live in a world of narcissists. Who only care about themselves.

Good people many times get the short end of the stick in this life. But don’t worry. There is HELL to pay for people later in this life and the next is they don’t repent.

Allow people to make horrible life choices. The children don’t deserve it. But later in life these individuals will reap everything they've done

[SarahS98]

You've just described exactly the emotions I'm still undergoing at this moment. We're both in the last stage of the grieving process and coming forward towards accepting the reality. My heart goes out to those poor babies, the poor innocent souls that get aborted, mistreated, abused, thrown in dumpsters and experienced so many awful things. It would be great if people that don't want to be parents gave up the baby for adoption and let that baby be raised by loving people.
The only drawback to this is that meanwhile the child will be my biological baby since I would still be giving birth, the child might one day find out my husband isn't his bio dad. We've agreed to keep this a secret between us for the meantime.

[Summeroflove]

Amen yeah I agree with you 💯 percent. But not everyone is bad in this world. Nobody is perfect but there is a lot of good people that outweigh the lots of bad individuals that unless they repent. God will deal with

[Summeroflove]

I think at some point in your child’s life when he/she is older. I think you should tell. But for now. They don’t need to know whike he or she is young

[KrakenAttackin]

Why are you focusing on "deadbeat dads" when single mothers are the ones who are reaping so much havoc on society? This is an entirely different conversation than the question are actually posing.

Is this "fair" no. It's biology which has nothing to do with fair.

[SarahS98]

It's the irony of life. My point is the people that aren't fit to be parents and shouldn't be are out there breeding like crazy. Meanwhile my husband's choice to ever have his own child got robbed; dirty fate of biology. Singles mothers are already included in the list of women getting pregnant with men they know won't commit; I've already included them.

[KrakenAttackin]

@sarahs98. Yeah that's true. Many undeserving people get many things, but focusing on this won't help you find peace. "Comparison is the thief of joy".

[SarahS98]

I know. By now we're in the last of the grieving stage of the news and closer to acceptance. He's coming to terms with the reality. It was tough in the beginning.

[KrakenAttackin]

@sarahs98 That's fair, and I can appreciate your situation. You are certainly not alone. I know a couple who went through the exact same thing. One issue you may have with a donor is the reaction of both of your families. People seem to have difficulty accepting a child who isn't biologically related (I was adopted and experienced this first hand). In this couples case the extended family was less than supportive of the idea of a donor. I'm not saying don't use a donor, I am just saying be prepared for pushback from people who you would think would support you. This sucks, but it is also reality.

[SarahS98]

Thank you for sharing your experience as an adoptee and sorry to hear you weren't accepted in the family. No child should ever experience that treatment. Every child needs parents.
The child would still be related to my parents since I would be the one giving birth. I would be with another man's sperm (that's what artificial insemination is; they place it on me) but I'm still the biological mother.
But yeah in my husband's case, he wouldn't be the father. So we've agreed to keep this our secret so it doesn't cause any commotion in his family. The other complicated part is the child might eventually find out my husband isn't the bio dad. That would be so tough. I think we won't think about this at this moment and focus on solving the issue and have the child.

[KrakenAttackin]

@sarahs98. You are very welcome. A few things. By keeping the use of a donor secret you are potentially setting up some other issues. It's likely the truth would eventually come out. You can't imagine how often you get asked questions about your medical history and family history, until you don't have that information. Everytime I have been asked about my background I have to just shrug and say "I have no idea". So your kid will have only half of his/her history. Also, with DNA testing being so mainstream It's likely the truth will eventually come out. Just some things to think about.

[lightbulb27]

yes, unreal hugh. it's a natural world and it's screwy.

[SarahS98]

Thank you for understanding. Initially the news crushed my husband.

[lightbulb27]

for what it's worth, I know family that adopted baby and turned out really well, they've had an amazing life. this be a crushing blow.
I'm a step father, no kids of my own... probably capable but haven't. so he's not the only one. And based upon the Bible, Jesus was same scenario and Joseph was a step father... so there is that reference point.
It is mind boggling to see people that don't use their brains, stuck in awful messes and cultures, make kid after kid.

[Anonymous]

I've always found it interesting that there is so much focus on and disdain for men who choose to not be a father (AKA, deadbeat dads) when women choose to do the same thing by having abortions almost a million times every year in the US.

[SarahS98]

I couldn't include more on the list (that's why I put etc ont he post... reserved to everyone, man or woman not fit to ever be parents) but yes in my opinion they belong under the same category as parents that abuse or throw their babies into the dumpster.
The solution for those people that won't want to be parents is so easy; give birth to the child and give them away for adoption or leave the baby at a hospital, police station or church.

[jahaims]

Life's not fair

[SarahS98]

Yeah I'll be the one getting pregnant and giving birth to our future-to-be tube baby but at some point the child will likely find out my husband isn't his bio father.